Published March 10, 2026
The King's Irish tend to bob and weave and buckle under my belt. I smash the face in before I have a hairsbreadth to keep going. I chance a second glance and I realize his nose is only crooked and he almost croaked. "Ahhhh Celaena's bechosen come to beat me." I spit in his mouth as a sign of respect to my Queen. "Say it again and I'll rub it in your Eye this time." I smudge his forehead with ash and the scream comes before I have a second to rebound. The breath little one, the breath. Not me, so her. Lilith always calls me the little knife and she calls her little one. It's because she must and may not keep going without orders from her King Jasper. I spit on the floor just to sicken myself and him. Jasper. Jasper. Jasper. Jaspeer. A name I just keep hearing and repeating. A man whose weight is only in gold and not hers.
I see her slip every time I'm around him and I have to remind myself it's me. Not him. The one who begs to be in her nightgown yet doesn't shield her. Him. I bite my lip full of blood just to know I'm alive and seen.
The Commoner spits out and up and he just almost hocks on a lung full of silt. His own. Caught. I crouch beside him, wishing she was and was not here. I don't let her see my face because I know the world would burn before us if we did. I rip of my half mask and smile at the stranger with Hazelnut eyes.
The fight is here and none is more ready than our Ebony God, Spyrt; Jasper Sullivans the pirate King; and Selana Arabella Lestranga. Ole, sweet Jazz hid her second naming just to gut her from sternum to hilt. A second chance I will never take.
"Because I do the working for heeeeeer." I meant it for Lilith but spat in the stranger's face instead. This is taking too long. I rear back and fling my tobacco in his eye and the symphony begins once more. A laugh to the silence and the melody he wants to chime along with me so cruel it's obviously not mine.
The bear withdraws and slashes when it's poked for funnies.
I crouch low again "I never kick in the ribs because yous do that filth." I spit again for enunciation. "God I'm always mad." They become my priests then they become my parfum that I wear for my Queen Selanaaaa. Her second naming finally gifted to me from Ebony & Lilith. For my curling work.
I start my art for the Red Queen before I have a moment to vomit. Done. Space and Time continue for me. Not I.
She's here master Knife.
Master? Master. I've made it to the top boys.
She hasn't, but you're there to lend Little One a bleeding, bloody hand to her top of tops.
How innocent, Lilith. My goddess is not her's but it is mine instead.
He's abandoning
As always.
Good. The Ebb & Flow are both here to make sure I Fulfill my duties as a servant to the Red One.
She's moving Killian.
I'll guide her from the back.
Go if you may and therefore must, as a God little knife.
God status. I like God status.
We know.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,084 Literary Works • 672,995 Reviews
Your piece has a very striking and raw rhythm to it, with lots of visceral imagery of blood and sharpness. The sort of stream-of-consciousness writing style feels very authentic to the way the main character is driven.
In the first paragraph, the speech should be on a new line rather than embedded into the paragraph, as it makes it a little confusing to see who is talking. I also think the first line, which is a fantastic first line anyway, could be refined to make the rhythm a little better.
I don't think you need to say three things; either 'The King's Irish tend to weave and buckle under my belt' or 'The King's Irish tend to bob and buckle under my belt' has a better ring to them.
I think this is from a larger story, and perhaps I am missing the ideas from not having read previous pieces, but I think the main area for growth is the clarity and narrative grounding. Your very descriptive and impressionistic style creates a strong mood, which is a real strength of the piece; however, the world-building and character dynamics become a bit tangled in dense and almost cryptic phrasing. Readers, like me, may struggle to track who is speaking, who is present in the scene, or how characters like Jasper, Lilith, Selana, and the Commoner relate to one another. This might just be because I haven't read any previous chapters, but it's worth noting.
Look forward to reading more of your work
Ok came here in search of clarity.
The confusion continues but I do like the dialogue in the first paragraph (even if it is still hard to follow!)
I also find the glimpses of the behind-the-scenes and the lore fascinating, the goddesses mentioned, the way the hierarchy functions, that the narrator has this second … will in them that demands things. I wish I understood it better!
Ah so this person is actually working against the ppl from the previous chapter then, happily citing the Red Queen as their authority? (Her authority?) Makes me wonder if this is the girl that Celaena(?) spotted in the previous chapter?
Ohh that names have power, the implication of this! I like it! That second namings are a thing and something ppl keep track of. The ideas this sparks!
Join the fight! Write more reviews!