Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence and mature content.
I’m gona draw a picture, a picture with a twist.
I’ll do it with a razor; I’ll do it on my wrist.
I’ll try to hide it from the people that would look and judge and run away.
But some things are not that easy; notice your world fading to grey?
The scars so fresh upon your arms, your stomach and your thighs,
they tell of broken promises, deceit and many lies.
Not everybody ‘gets’ them, but some people try to help,
Not everybody wants to, but even the blind can see a whelp.
A person who is so far lost their vision starts to swim,
the darkness that is circling them, slowly closing in.
They wish they could be better, could be brave and not so scared,
But once again the grief it comes, rip your fingers through your hair.
You let down the one who’s close to you, lash out in rage and hurt them,
they say ‘don’t worry its all fine’ but you know deep down you’ve burned them.
How could you lose control of yourself, when things were going alright?
So you think and wonder and stay up late, crying into the night.
You realize that you’re no good at all,
Just a mindless beast inside a shell.
So you take your life to end it all,
and take your rightful place in the pits of Hell.
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125,603 Literary Works • 672,933 Reviews
Hi sl4y41zm3,Dream with quick review on your poem.
Midnight Poetry. So the title might be a bit trick here. I thought it was about the poem that was written in the middle of the night, it turned out into the story about her (I) who are thinking of committing suicide with a razor when despair in difficult life.Then in the next verses, you talk to the reader to express what is in your mind. Everything about the frustrating and painful life. Last verse you gave religious elements in which each person commit suicide certainly placed in hell. Your poem is actually a message that is persuasive people to think about their destiny after committing suicide, it is certainly a sensible poem to read.
Overall, I like the diction you use here, it bring impact to the reader. You managed to give the impression of 'dark' and 'hell' in your poem based on the selection of an appropriate words. Keep it up!
Kudos,cheers.
Dragon here
The only Dragon who is real!
okay first off a lot of Emotion and feelings like it a hole heap and thing you need to keep going with it you did a wonderful job,
Out of 10 i would rate you
a 8/10
well done can't wait to read more and remember to have fun and enjoy life you only live once
Hope you like your review
Dragon!
Hello. My name is Morgenstern.
I appreciate that you are writing something that clearly means something to you, and I think you did well considering your content.
I think your last line of the poem does not really merge with the before.
I like it because it reminds me of something I would have written at 16.