Published December 4, 2009
Hey there Sunshine,
Looks like its a pretty cloudy day.
How's the rain been fallin'?
Seems like quite a puddle has been made.
Just open up those ultramarine eyes,
Make the North Star jealous,
When the Moon winks hello.
Not like there's much competition,
We could sit here for years while you shine.
And I cant help but lay back and smile,
Knowing I've got my own ray of sunlight.
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139,568 Literary Works • 672,610 Reviews
Oooh! I really liked this poem! Very quirky and lovely... very nice. Definitely a star for you!
Just a couple of grammar mistakes:
Looks like its a pretty cloudy day. <-- "its" should be "it's"
And I cant help but lay back and smile, <-- "cant" should be "can't"
Still, overall, it's a very lovely poem.
That was a nice poem; quirky and bouncy. It reminded me of lyrics by Owl City or Never Shout Never-- but better because I don't like them all that much.
great job and keep writing.
Empress
I loved this poem. It was wonderfully poetic and very creative. I loved the title, in fact it's why I chose to read it. But the more I think about it, a galaxy can have several suns and you were saying that this person in the poem doesn't have "much competition." So, the title is good, but maybe not fitting to this poem. (Although if the comment before hadn't suggested that the title didn't fit, I wouldn't have even thought about it.) So I think it would be ok if you kept it.
Overall I thought it was a beautiful poem-- very lyrical and flowing.
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kawriter
Hello there. This was a good poem, and you were very poetic and had good word choice. However, it's title was very confusing.
Your poem is about the sun and moon, and the title, "A Galaxy in Love" doesn't seem to correlate at all.
I do have one nitpick.
^
First, there should be a period after 'hello'.
^
I don't understand this line or why it's necessary[quote]
Other then that, you have true talent, and its a really beautiful poem.
PM if you have questions.