Pre - face(:
I never thought i would sink this low, that my feelings would over come me. Well, there was no turning back now. I knew I was never going to stop once i started.
I couldn't take back anything. I couldn't take back the scar. I couldn't take back the feelings of rage, jealousy, disappointment, or sadness that made me do this. I couldn't take back the feeling of relief, a way out. The blood, the knife, the tears, the excitement. All of it, I couldn't take back.
Instead, all I could do was let the knife fall from my fingers and hit the bathroom floor with a crash, while blood was rushing out my arm, me, laughing the whole time.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
Hey simple! Stella here!
I. NITPICKS
Why is it called this? I don't really get it.
Capitalize your "i"s.
The wording of this is a bit off, you might want to look at it.
It wouldn't plop, it would kind of... crash
No comma. Also, why laugh?
II. BEFORE AND AFTER
What happened before this? Why have you been druven to this extreme. What feelings have become overcoming? The character has simply popped into existence for this, then they'll pop right back out again. Give them a real personality. Make it a real person.
III. ACCESSIBILITY
When you write, you try to make the things you write about accessible to your reader. And if your reader has never cut (like me), then they don't understand what you're going on about.
So to make this accessible to the wider public, you've got to show us why your character is going to this extreme. Why does cutting help? What does it achieve? I have no idea. But clearly you do. So show me how, and why. Make me feel for the character. This is short, so you have loads of room to add more in.
IV. OVERALL
There wasn't much of it to critique. You seem to write well, it's just I would like to see some more actual... writing
Feel free to PM me if you have any questions!
-Stella x
This was a good preface, but it was very short. I'd like to know more about the character. I also think that if you rearrange the last sentence and put a word other than plop it would sound alot better.
peanut
`
This is kool.
I can relate, and to be honest, the feelings are pretty much accurate.
I like it; more please!
The I need to be capitalized
I need to be capitalized. Watch out for this.
Nothing else is wrong, so that's good.
I really like this! I want to read more! Please PM when you post up more!