Young Writers Society

For some reason, the word "pervading" completely threw me off and I had to Google it haha. So thank you for the vocab lesson. I absolutely love "storm of isolation", I really feel like it accurately portrays the deafening noise of being alone perfectly. Overall, a wonderfully thought provoking poem. Great job!

Hello, silverlady99! PastelSlushie here for a review! Let's get right into it!

First comment: While, I did absolutely adore this poem, I feel like this should have a 12+ warning on it, for talking about sensitive topics such as depression. It may seem a little unnecessary, but you don't really want someone with depression stumbling upon this without a warning.

Second comment: For the actual poem itself, as I have said before, I absolutely adored it. It talked about a very relatable topic of which millions of people can relate to. And that's something that every piece of writing needs, no matter how long or short. Good job on that part. I also love how you referenced the stop sign in this, I've never seen that before.

Third comment: In one line, "With just nothingness in my line of sight," you have added extra spaces in the beginning, make sure to change that to just one. Maybe add some commas too?

Well, that's the end of this review. I'm sorry if I seemed harsh in anyway you didn't like. Keep writing!

Pastel

Heya, this is Jedi here for a review!

First of all, I really enjoyed this poem, it wasn't boring and it was very poetic and had a very strong mood, so great job on that! Now onto some critique.

The red light defines the stop sign

in the night of life.

But there is no stop sign for the darkness

pervading my mind.

With the depression sinking it's preventing me

from seeing the blinking light.

The light may shimmer but the hope dwindles because

it's all too far for me to envision.

As I stand in my storm of isolation surrounded by

a dark wave of depression

With just nothingness in my line of sight

I ask myself

Is this what loneliness feels like?

Hey there Silverlady99,
Myjaspercat here to leave you a review

Line-by-Line/Nit-Picks

The red light defines the stop sign [comma]
in the night of life. I like this but the wording is just a little weird
But there is no stop sign for the darkness
pervading my mind.
With the depression sinking [comma] it's preventing me I would actually change this last part to something along the lines of "I'm prevented." As it's just a suggestion, you don't have to but I think it would totally help the flow of this line a bit.
from seeing the blinking light.
The light may shimmer[comma] but the hope dwindles because
it's all too far for me to envision. Mmm, I'm not particularly fond of this line. I don't know what it is, but it doesn't read quite well with the rest of the poem.
As I stand in my storm of isolation This image is pretty cliché. surrounded by
a dark wave of depression[comma]
With just nothingness in my line of sight With should be lowercased here or you need to add a period at the end of the previous line (which I don't recommend as I think it should be a comma instead.)
I ask myself [comma]
Is this what loneliness feels like? Again this is kind of cliché but it's not bad.

Hey there silverlady99! Welcome back to YWS!

So, after through the poem once, I felt the need to read it again. It wasn't connecting for me, so I thought maybe I was missing something. I think that you were trying to create something with the traffic devices, but for me it didn't fully materialize. You started down that path, and I thought, "I wonder where they are going to take it?"

By the end of the poem, the traffic devices weren't even referred to. It seemed like a disconnect for me. The poem didn't tie together. A side note: I didn't get the meaning of the first line. Might just be me.

I thought some of your images were good and created a calm feeling that is often associated with loneliness.

From the beginning lines to the second to last, I thought you were going down a depression path, and then the last line, you mentioned loneliness instead. Maybe incorporate more clues about the speaker being lonely? I didn't get that many clues from the previous lines.

That's all I've got for now. I'm glad you're back and writing! Thanks for sharing this poem!

~iamanaspiringwriter