Published March 19, 2018
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,623 Literary Works • 673,565 Reviews
Hey, it's RedWingsBlueSky with a review for you! I like this a lot. The wording is extremely intriguing, like its pulling you in. I honestly don't have a whole lot of suggestions to make, because I absolutely love this. The one thing I can think of is that the first stanza doesn't make very much sense in comparison with the others. I wish I could think of more to say, but there just isn't that much to fix. Oh, and this is pure genius "the filament in forever burns out quickly" Alright, that's all I have to say. Thank you.
Hey, silverhanded! Ink here to write a review for the Blueberries! (and also to grind @Kays, @Evander, and @Hattable into the dirt!). Here it goes!
I have no idea what this means. Did a knife slip and cut the narrator's finger? If so, that's not really a grammatically correct way of saying that. Sometimes, it's liberating to ignore grammar in poetry, but in this case, I have no idea what you're trying to communicate.
Like the two commentors before me, I have to commend your imagery. You really did a fantastic job in painting a picture of not images but feelings which is something that I think a lot of people don't understand with imagery.
However, what I just complimented you on is also a good segway into my complaint. I feel like you focused a little too much on imagery and feelings. That made it difficult to discern some sort of storyline or theme of the poem. Everything is a metaphor, and as beautiful as they all are, metaphors loose their meaning if no one knows what they signify.
You come back to tobacco, string, and cuts a few times, and I like the continuity, but I think that it feels a little disjointed between the two main stanzas. That being said, I can't figure out what this poem is trying to say, so I could be completely wrong in this statement.
Let's talk feelings. You're great at those. Reading this, I could definitely tell it was melancholy and a little bit bleak. I'm 99% sure it's about love, and I think that I see a reference to marriage in the mention of the left ring finger. I actually really like that. I think that it's very subtle, but it gives the reader a clue of what it's about. You don't need to say what the poem is about outright, but small clues like this will reveal the message.
I see a lot of potential in this poem. It's beautiful, but I have no idea what it's saying.
If you have any questions or comments, feel free to ask in a reply to this review or in a pm!
~Ink
I really like this. It was a nice read and the imagery was very good. Keep writing you have a lot of talent.
Good imagery!
Thanks :^)