Tongue In Cheek

Comments

Points: 188
Reviews: 6

Donate

Sun Mar 25, 2018 2:45 am

RedWingsBlueSky wrote a review...

Hey, it's RedWingsBlueSky with a review for you! I like this a lot. The wording is extremely intriguing, like its pulling you in. I honestly don't have a whole lot of suggestions to make, because I absolutely love this. The one thing I can think of is that the first stanza doesn't make very much sense in comparison with the others. I wish I could think of more to say, but there just isn't that much to fix. Oh, and this is pure genius "the filament in forever burns out quickly" Alright, that's all I have to say. Thank you.

Points: 2200
Reviews: 235

Donate

Sun Mar 25, 2018 2:30 am

inktopus wrote a review...

Hey, silverhanded! Ink here to write a review for the Blueberries! (and also to grind @Kays, @Evander, and @Hattable into the dirt!). Here it goes!

knife slip cut in the crease of my left ring finger,

I have no idea what this means. Did a knife slip and cut the narrator's finger? If so, that's not really a grammatically correct way of saying that. Sometimes, it's liberating to ignore grammar in poetry, but in this case, I have no idea what you're trying to communicate.

Like the two commentors before me, I have to commend your imagery. You really did a fantastic job in painting a picture of not images but feelings which is something that I think a lot of people don't understand with imagery.

However, what I just complimented you on is also a good segway into my complaint. I feel like you focused a little too much on imagery and feelings. That made it difficult to discern some sort of storyline or theme of the poem. Everything is a metaphor, and as beautiful as they all are, metaphors loose their meaning if no one knows what they signify.

You come back to tobacco, string, and cuts a few times, and I like the continuity, but I think that it feels a little disjointed between the two main stanzas. That being said, I can't figure out what this poem is trying to say, so I could be completely wrong in this statement.

Let's talk feelings. You're great at those. Reading this, I could definitely tell it was melancholy and a little bit bleak. I'm 99% sure it's about love, and I think that I see a reference to marriage in the mention of the left ring finger. I actually really like that. I think that it's very subtle, but it gives the reader a clue of what it's about. You don't need to say what the poem is about outright, but small clues like this will reveal the message.

I see a lot of potential in this poem. It's beautiful, but I have no idea what it's saying.

If you have any questions or comments, feel free to ask in a reply to this review or in a pm!

~Ink