When I clicked the watch, I clicked it three time on accident. I didn't go anywhere I was still in the spot where I was standing talking to the man who had claimed to be my father I knew it couldn't of been my father. If he was my father he would be more excited to see me than that damn watch of mine. It was quiet. So so quiet, why? "So you have discovered how it works." a deep and familiar voice said grimly with no emotion. It was my Grandfather, walking out from behind a crashed car."You have discovered the second level of time travel, it's called traveling faster than time traveling at the speed of light." He said.
"Is that what happened?"I asked? "Did i really go faster than time? How?"
"Every Tomoko has one power to go back in time, to regular people it's just another watch." He answered. "Now Chris, you must come with me I must to take to where the work's of the watch are. It's back in Italy beneath the house I built it there so no one would discover it."
"Uhh, ok " I finally squeezed out. He led me back to the car where he had driven, a jet black Ferrari just like the one he got me for my birthday. As we drove in street trying to dodge crashed cars, I realized something...Every car and every human who was caught in this accident was, because of me. I realized that this watch is doing so much evil in this world. We drove to the airport where a another Sienna Air jet, just like the one that I took to Italy when my parents died. I didn't know how long we were in the jet only because I fell asleep as soon as it started to move. The next thing I knew a hand, was tapping on shoulder waking me up. I opened my eyes, squinted a bit, and awoke completely. My Grandfather led me into his room in the big mansion that I lived at for a year of my life. We walked inside of his closet, closed the door, pushed aside some clothes, and pulled down a gold lever on the right. Amazing! The closet had just turned into an elevator! Not a modern day one like who see in city shopping malls, but a gold plated one looking to be from the 1920's. It must have led me down at lest four house stories. Because I was in that elevator for a while now. I could still feel my Grandfather's warm hand on my shoulder. I could see gold light appearing from the bottom of the elevator. We could finally see where we were heading to. When the elevator stopped the gold lighted disappeared. I couldn't see a thing, just dark hallways.
"Move along son." My grandfather said. He led me through dark tunnels in the ground. I could see the light again! We went through one more tunnel. It was amazing...I saw a giant sand sink hole in the floor, and the room was probably 100 ft. by 100 ft. There was wooden paths along the walls that looked highly unsturdy. We walked along the path, every time we go around chamber we were going lower down towards the floor. The walls were made of tan colored sandstone. When we got to the bottom we walked to the end of what looked like a dock leading into the middle of the sink hole.
"So what exactly can this sink hole do? I mean why am I here?"
"This sink hole can refill your watch with time jumps. Just throw right down in the the middle of the sand sink hole and it will come out fully recharged with time jumps." He looked at me with a happy look as if he knew what my quest was and I was going to need more time jumps. I threw the watch into the center of sink hole, and the entire chamber began to quake. The sink hole started to move in a faster and faster rotation, until my pocket watch came floating up from the sink hole glowing with the bright light. It floating into my hands, and then sink hole slowed itself down. It took us at least half the time it took us to come down.
"Grandpa," I said quietly
"Eh?" He answered in a annoyed sorta voice.
"Why did it take less time to go up that in did to come down?" He chuckled that same chuckle he did the day I met him.
"Well, this is the heart of time, if this chamber was destroyed then time would stop forever. You came up faster because the watch is full of time jumps now.
"Grandpa, when I spoke to the first Hikaru Tomoko he told me that every Tomoko has a test and well mine is to stop you from cheating and breaking the rules of time jumping. So i just thought I would let you know because i'm sorry if something changes in your future." He starred at me in a confused look.
"I understand and I am willing to except any sacrifices that you or I might have to take. I am happy for you that he has given you such an important and noble task as it is so." He answered in an understanding voice, but it sounded like he was scared that something too big would change in his life.
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137,978 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
Hi
I reviewed your first chapter, and thought I'd check in to see how it's going. As a mainly grammar and punctuation corrector, I won't comment on the content, so I'll just go through and correct the grammar/punctuation according to what I think is right - my corrections will be in red, anything I add will be in [].
Honestly, that's a lot of mistakes. And they're mainly silly mistakes that have come from not proof-reading your own work and not checking as you go.
On your content, it's not too bad actually. Your descriptions of things, however, seem very simple and basic and you could really make it so much more atmospheric and build up some tension if you varied your sentence structure more, added some similes and just generally thought about the story in a way other than focusing on the plotline.
Please feel free to come to me and ask if you have any questions.
~*cottonrulz*~
An interesting chapter. I like how it introduces some more information about the time watch. It helps open up more probabilities for the plot. I would of preferred a longer chapter though - maybe till the end of the basement scene. More detail of the mansion and the interior of the elevator would be great.
In terms of spelling - awesome.
In terms of grammar - It could use some work.
Other than that, it is a rather good addition to your story.