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Canary word: Present
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125,022 Literary Works • 672,753 Reviews
Hi sianta! Firstly, I assume the formatting was unintentional? In the future, that should be fixable by putting it in Google Docs or a WriterFeedPad and copy-pasting from there.
Now, I have to be honest here. Love poems are common, because everyone experiences it. There's little here that I haven't seen before, although it's written well. To make this stand out more, it would be helpful to focus on a few unique details about this relationship. What are the good and bad qualities of this person? How does he/she show them? Using concrete images will help your reader engage with the speaker and feel her emotions.
Now this is interesting. Both because it's more negative than the rest of the comparisons and because it's less cliche. How is this relationship toxic? That might be worth exploring.
Concerning the rhyme scheme: I feel like it's restricting you from injecting this piece with real meaning. While rhyming poems can be done well, they tend to induce forced rhymes, or lines where it looks like the author was trying to fit the rest of the line to the rhyme. If the rhyming can't come across naturally, I'd go with free verse.
I second prior comments about punctuation. I generally recommend punctuating and capitalizing as you would in prose. This makes it easier for the reader to read. These rules can be broken, but only if the author knows what they're doing and has a reason for doing so.
Overall, I feel like this piece is okay, but it could have more rich images that make it stand out from the millions of love poems out there. Keep writing!
Whoopsy my last one failed!
Howdy!
I'm going to review your work!
I must agree with thegilbygirl about the formatting. Personally I don't think it fits with what you're writing about and just looks like a basic paragraph. Possibly consider formatting it like a traditional poem?
Based on the layout I set for you here are the changes that I'd make:
I’d add a full stop on the end. You’ve partially used punctuation. Either use it all the way through or not at all otherwise it looks uneven.
You don’t need the word ’yet’. Also add a full stop on the end of this.
Possibly add a comma at the end of this line.
Capitalise the ‘u’ in ‘every’; get rid of the ’and’ and put a semi colon.
I’d get rid of the word ‘to’.
I’d get rid of the word ‘from’ and put ‘to’.
Capitalise the ‘and’. Put a full stop at the end of this line.
Capitalise the ‘but’ and it should be it’s rather than ‘its’.
Full stop at the end of this line. And ‘I’ll’ needs a capital ‘I’.
Capitalise the ‘a’ at the beginning of the sentence
‘Its’ needs an apostrophe.
Okay there needs to be a semi-colon after ‘together’, ‘2’ needs to be written out, and a comma at the end.
Capitalise ‘o’
Full stop needed.
From then onwards please check your capital letters. I’s always need capitals.
Other than that it isn’t too bad. The content is really good! There are just a few nitpicks and formatting errors.
Howdy!
Hiya,
First of all, really nice poem.
However, and maybe this was a deliberate decision, I'm not particularly fond of the format. I think maybe you could start a new line for each idea. But that's just my opinion.
Also, do you mean to have capital letters but no full stops before them? Maybe you did it on purpose, but I thought I might mention it incase it was an accident.
Great poem.
I like it, but my pet peeve is when people leave I's as i. Other than that short and sweet, very enjoyable.
I'll change it for you then. I did this when I was half asleep so I didn't care for grammar.
I like this. It's really sweet. But it's meant to be a poem right? Because it should be in poem form. I don't like though that you said he/she will always stay and then you say if I let you go please come back, if you know he'll come back then why do you have to ask him to? It's kinda a contradiction. Anyways I like this
keep writing 
I kinda said it like becasue even when ur with someone forever they may stray or u have to ask them to be with u if they waver back