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The inquisitor

by shusher


Raindrops of sun reflect off summer snow.
Light blackens thoughtless inquiry.
Inquisitive answers, forward questions.
To stand is relaxing. To rest, tiring.

A stoic expression runs the walk of my face,
the blankingly colorful dead life.
My arms are still
swinging.

I know
I'm not sure.
I don't know
I know.

A concealing revealing
this in
consistent pat
turn
over

and start the first time
ending the second time
I don't know
I know.


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364 Reviews


Points: 15980
Reviews: 364

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Sat Dec 30, 2017 9:36 pm
zaminami wrote a review...



Hello shusher! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.

Spoiler! :
Raindrops of sun reflect off summer snow.
Light blackens thoughtless inquiry.
Inquisitive answers, forward questions.
To stand is relaxing. To rest, tiring. {This is contradictory. I was very confused... standing is usually tiring and resting is relaxing, isn't it?}

A stoic expression runs the walk of my face,
the blank{et color of} dead life.
My arms are still
swinging. {To what?}[/b]

I know
I'm not sure.
I don't know {if}
I know.

A concealing revealing
this in {an}
consistent pat
turn
over [I]{What are those last two lines? they're confusing}


and start the first time{,}
ending the second time
I don't know {if}
I know.


My interpretation:



I didn't get it. It's not like most poetry where it's like this where there's so much imagery that I'm too lazy to read through it all, but I am genuinely confused. What is going on? It just seems like a word vomit to me...

Overall:



I didn't like it as much as I have liked some of your other poetry... this is definitely not your strongest. However, you can always improve, so keep up the great work!

Why haven’t you given me your soul yet? --

Kara

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Random avatar
shusher says...


How does one get better without creating an utter flop?
To help you out though, this, just like anything I write... ever... was experimental. The curiosity/inspiration for this one was to throw words/phrases together which are opposite.
In the first example: "raindrops of sun..." sun doesn't appear in during the rain, but the two go together "...reflect off summer snow" what is summer snow? Well, I'm from Michigan, so it's just regular snow, but that's not what I mean here. what I mean here is... a whole lot of nothing. The whole idea is that it's confusing.

The inquisitor, as so creatively named, is questioning everything. Nothing makes sense to him like nothing makes sense here.

So, the first stanza is the most explainable where the speaker is confused like the reader is (I tend to enjoy making the reader feel like they're the speaker. So, if you're confused, that, to me, in a weird way, is a good thing).

the first couplet of stanza 2 runs in the format of stanza 1, but the second couplet... that's where things start to get interesting.
"My arms are still / swinging."
The sentence is "My arms are still swinging," but there's a break... I think you get what's going on here.

3rd stanza. super confusing. no doubt. the speaker know's he's not sure, so he's constantly questioning, as you would have an inquisitor do, but what he doesn't know is that he doesn't need to question everything because he already knows the answer. To what? I don't know. I just have fun writing.

stanza 4... I don't like any of it, but the show must go on...
There's been this progression of confusion so I figured, "Why not make it even more chaotic?" So I have words splitting up and sentences start to overlap each other.

"This in-consistent pat / turn / over"
Starting with 'in-consistent' that is to say things are consistent. They are in consistency, and they aren't consistent meaning they're inconsistent. To say all that in only a word, I used... ya know.
'pat / turn' is our next animal which definitely has a wild side still, and isn't fully house broken.
The main idea here is that there's this inconsitent but consistent pattern that keeps happening. Yet, it's confusing, so life feels kinda choppy. When I wrote this I thought of a metalich machine that's been rusted, over used, or maybe... a rusted bike chain. You start to petal it and before the full rotation, it stops because of all the rust and you have to get the second syllable out 'pat/turn'
'turn / over'
using the same syllable from the previous word, I start a sentence before the last one ends (which is something I want to see done well so if you want to take that idea and run with it, be my guest).
The idea is the audience will think "pattern over and over again" but instead of the second 'over' they see 'start' so you see "turn over and start again" but the ending was awful and... has no explanation lol.



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57 Reviews


Points: 36
Reviews: 57

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Sat Dec 30, 2017 4:37 am
IvoryRose wrote a review...



Hello I’m IvoryRose and I bring thou a review. So I interpreted the poem as a person that feels like an outcast. That because they don’t understand how to be with the normal people and are curious about how people are. Hence the name “inquisitor”. At least that’s how I saw it, I could be way off. The critique I have is that you wrote “second timed”. I don’t know if it was a mistake or on purpose. The message is a little obscured, but it’s still good. Keep writing! ;)




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Points: 946
Reviews: 31

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Tue Dec 26, 2017 5:03 am
shusher says...



@flumadiddle @whosabellcanwrite @sheytato




Radrook says...


What does it mean when a reply involving such links is given?


Random avatar
shusher says...


I don't know. lol



zaminami says...


@shusher is tagging the people who asked to be tagged :P




If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven - and very, very few persons.
— James Thurber