Young Writers Society

sheepy.shoo wrote:

its not enough for you Capital 'I', dear.



boys come and boys go Why you no capitalise?? You don't have to, but I think it would suit this poem more.
but you are always there for me
I love you as a friend
I wish that you could see ...what? What do you wish he could see? Elaboration be needed.

but when I look at you I'm so shy
cant formulate a word you either 'can't' or 'cannot.
so we never really speak eye to eye
because I don't want you hurt It probably would hurt you more, though.

you give me a rose,
say you love me
and I don't know what to say
you ask if we can meet somewhere
can get together some day

and I love you
in my heart I know I do
but its definitely not in the same way as you
love me too Very, very sudden end of love here. We needs a build up, man.

so I say lets stay friends
and you say that that's OK
but I know
and so do you


Its not enough for you

Awe, it's cute. You did really good on this subject. It's one that anybody can relate to in one way or another. You might want to add some punctuation in there though.

sheepy.shoo wrote:
Its not enough for you.



Boys come, and boys go,
But you are always there for me.
I love you as a friend,
I wish that you could see,

But when I look at you, I'm so shy
I can't formulate a word.
So we never really speak eye to eye
Because I don't want you hurt.

You give me a rose,
Say you love me;
And I don't know what to say.
You ask if we can meet somewhere
Can get together some day.

And I love you,
In my heart I know I do,
But its definitely not in the same way as you
Love me too.

So I say lets stay friends,
And you say that that's OK.
But I know,
And so do you,


Its not enough for you.

I really liked it, I could get the feeling you were trying to pull across. And the short sentences (I think anyway) were done very well.

Okay. I will try not to be too picky, as I usually am. You didn't use complete sentences and most everything written were fragments. It was hard for me to find the pattern of the poem. I liked the topic, but the grammer was not correct. Don't forget to capatalize letters and such. I hope my review helps. Thanks.