Published March 25, 2010
I stood there, knowing I should leave. But I couldn't, I wanted to; with all the passion in my body I wanted to leave and never come back. However every time I lifted my feet to move, the voice pulled me back. The alluring seducing voice in my head wouldn't free me form this magical nightmare. I stood and gazed as his wings unfolded, to show a mess of loose feathers, blood, and bones...His cry of agony sent me running. I didn't want to see anymore. I couldn't. It was when I got out of the church that i heard the whisper say 'Charlotte... No don't leave me.'
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141,302 Literary Works • 674,338 Reviews
Hey seana!
One thing you really need to do is to write in correct grammar. Right now, it's really hard to tell what you're saying because you don't capitalize the beginnings of your sentence or your I's, etc. So work on clearing up the grammar a lot.
As far as tasters go, I kind of like the idea of a fallen angel and such, but when I read your taster, I didn't realize what you were actually trying to say. It was only the comments that said that it was an angel. So next time, put more in it. Right now, it's too short to make any impression, other than the impression that you need to work on your grammar a lot.
i dig any story about angels! i like this one! just hope the next part would be longer,
keep it interesting and mysterious as you go on with the story,, thumbs up for you!
thank you, i know you don't mean to be rude, i appreciate the constructive criticism and i will improve it for the next post.
Hey there Seana, I'm Irish and welcome to the site!
So, since this is very short, I'm afraid I can't say much, but I hope what I do say helps.
Okaleydoke, it was good! I liked it, but your punctuation takes away from your piece.
I'm really trying not to sound rude and I apologize if I come across as such but theres a rule on YWS with chatspeak. This isn't nessisarily chatspeak but capatalizing is important and is often ignored in it.
So, capatalize your "I"'s and the beginning of sentenaces as well as the title. Again, seriously sorry if I'm coming across rude to you.
One more thing before I stop:
I think you mean "from"?
Well, thats all! Keep up the good work!
-Irish
P.S Feel free to PM me with any questions.
to get it published would be a dream come true...but there's lots of better writers out there... x
(yah im speaking of those ppl on hear)
good... i think we shouldn't have a discussion on here... should leave it open for reviewers aye? x
(it's kind of annoying me now the pink elephant) 
but who cares?
lol whaa steady on cow gurlll. i wont get it published...but i will fetch the first few chapters with me tomorow hehe
x
lol. when you're done bring it to school.
or give me a signed copy if you get it published. i'll do the same lol.
can't wait to see more!
THANK YOU XXX yah i know. i need to improve on the spelling...and of course it left un anwcerd questions... its to get u to read the whole thing xoxo
Oh my god seana this is amazing! You seem to have used seductive too much though, once was nice. i love what that is, but i have no idea what's been happening before! It leaves many untold questions, but i'm sure with time it'll be amazingly fabulously brilliant. the ending was cliff hangery, and i guess that the guy is a fallen angel?
This would be better as 'Charlotte... please don't leave me.' or 'Charlotte... no, don't leave me.'
but bravo! Love your writing style! Keep it up!