Tell me where you've been,
my yellow bird.
Don't let the dampened sky
spoil your lovely song.
Have you traveled far,
my yellow bird?
Were you forced here by cruel winds,
and dumped with ruffled feathers?
Were you all alone,
my yellow bird,
when the world grew dark
and the lightning struck your spirit?
Were you followed,
my yellow bird,
haunted by memories of the storm?
Did the clouds ever part?
Is that what silenced you,
my yellow bird?
Were you left too weary
to try rising above the thunder?
But won't you sing for me,
my yellow bird?
So I can see the ghosts leave your eyes,
as you remember your lovely song.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,852 Reviews
The wording was excilent and I think you did a really good job all round *high five*
First of let me say I am not really a poet.
I did actually really enjoy this though, it flowed really nicely and feels really professional to me.
I actually like that it didn't rhyme, for me it makes it seem more raw and real in a way. The message behind this is lovely as well and the way you refer to him/her? as a yellow bird really adds to the romance of things for me. Just imagine if you had used something like maroon slug instead...kind of kills it does it not?
Overall I really enjoyed this poem, you have begun to dispel some of the poetry dislikery I have convinced myself to feel. So thank you
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PS: Is that catbug I see? ;3
Lovely
I only suggest to remove the double-space
Great poem I love the emotion and the word choice. I don't usually read romantic poems but this one was different. Its the perfect length and flow. I don't really like poems that rhyme. They seem too unreal. Anyway lets get on to my favourite part. Its probably the last paragraph.
"But won't you sing for me,
my yellow bird?
So I can see the ghosts leave your eyes,
as you remember your lovely song."
Great poem. Best one I've read since joining the YWS.
Hey, Runawaylove here to review your poem!
This is a very nice poem. I love he thought behind it. I personally prefer poems that rhyme but this one is just amazing and I think it's perfect in its own way. I loved the personification of your boyfriend as the yellow bird. I saw the title and was really intrigued. After reading the poem I was like 'Aaawww'. I mean this is really romantic. It shows perfectly how much you care about him and it begins and ends beautifully.
This poem is the perfect size. I loved the way you repeated the line "My yellow bird" in the second line of every stanza. I just cannot find any mistakes here. The poem is written in such simple language but it means so much. I bet this is a really special piece for you
I'll move on to my favourite stanza.
"Were you followed,
my yellow bird,
haunted by memories of the storm?
Did the clouds ever part?"
This stanza is beautiful. Overall, this poem has an innocence about it which is so mesmerizing. It has no connection with worldly affairs. I mean that's how love is. I would love to read more of your works. Keep writing!
I really like your style of writing and dont understand why you call it short... Its the perfect size. I also love the .way I arranged the stanzas. A bit of rhyming words would add colour to it. Your startings and endings are very nice.I look forward to reading more of your work.
-Anshira