Chapter Four: The Walk
“Most people don’t think that Seattle has good tennis courts,” said Langston. “But these ones are really nice.”
His eyes tended to twinkle whenever he spoke about something he was passionate about, or when he was excited. Their color reminded me of the delicious iced coffees me and my friends loved to drink back in California. They were a frothy shade of light brown, but made me feel warm, like when we drank them at the beach.
I was so distracted thinking about his eyes and the beach that I didn’t notice him looking at me with his head angled to the right. He looked confused.
“Are you okay?”
When I didn’t respond, he laughed.
“Selene!”
I snapped out of my gaze. “Oh, sorry.”
He smiled at me, his eyes sparkling again. “I’m beginning to think you have a bit of a crush on me, Selene.”
“What?”
“Selene, I have a built in lie-detector up here.” he said, and pointed to his forehead.
“And what does it say?” I asked, feeling entertained.
“It says, ’Selene is totally lying, she’s in love with you.’”
“What? Langston, I just met you today!”
He stopped in his tracks, giving me an annoyingly endearing look. “You don’t think I’m cute?”
“Okay, you’re being almost as irritating as Jackson,” I groaned, dodging the awkward question. “Are you sure you don’t like me?”
“Uh…” he stuttered as his face turned a bit red.
I laughed. “Look, let’s just agree to disagree.”
“Deal,” he said, probably relieved that the discomfort had gone away. We shook hands.
He looked at his watch. “Crap, it’s getting late.”
“I guess I should go.”
And it was awkward again.
We stood before each other, partially unsure whether or not to plan another “hangout”, but mostly unsure whether or not we liked each other.
After he had walked me to my house and then left, I sat down on my bed and thought about the question he had asked me.
Yeah, without a doubt I found him attractive. He had big eyes with long lashes, and it somehow did not emasculate his manly charm. His skin always seemed to glow like he was five years younger, with no blemishes or faults. He was taller than me by at least four inches, and his figure was pretty buff for a kid who liked tennis. He just was so charming in so many ways, though; not just his appearance. He was funny, easy to talk to, a bit awkward and quirky, and had the best taste in music.
He wasn’t perfect, though. I knew there had to be some flaw in his seamless character. The thing was, I began to realize after a few more minutes that, contrary to popular belief, the perfect guy didn’t have to be perfect.
Maybe I’d found the answer to the question he’d asked.
Maybe I liked Langston.
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
I'm back again.
Please don't get sick of me. I'm loving your story so far, I can literally see this as a chick-flick movie on television.
Good job with the memories. It's nice to know about her old life in California, especially when lots of people tease her for it.
I'm a little confused. Did they end up playing tennis? I assume so, as it got late. But clarify please.
Yup. I'm certain that there is a future for Cali Girl and Rich Boy. XD
So I didn't have many nitpicks this chapter, sorry for the short review.
They didn't end up playing tennis - they were walking for a while but lost track of time.
Thanks!
Wow...this is really cute and 'typical teen' ! I love it!
Whoa....you have posted this new chapter already? And so quickly, too! I'm satisfied xD
You have changed drastically from your first chapter. Here, I think, is where you are really beginning to show the true extent of your skills! I am falling in love with Langston, and swooning for Selene's character.
I am particularly proud of the imagery! Throughout the draft, if there was one thing I loved-- it's his eyes! My dear friend, that was brilliant!
" Their color reminded me of the delicious iced coffees me and my friends loved to drink back in California. They were a frothy shade of light brown, but made me feel warm, like when we drank them at the beach. "
Just breath-taking. Accurate similes, beautiful wording-- altogether masterful, I really enjoyed it. Just change "me and my friends" to "my friends and I" and it would be perfect.
I giggled at some parts, mostly because of a building excitement that one usually gets when reading romance stories.
" "And what does it say?” I asked, feeling entertained.
“It says, ’Selene is totally lying, she’s in love with you.’” "
Love the flirty playfulness that both of the teens have in that scene.
And the silence was a hilarious touch. Everybody experiences those moments, and though some view the 'awkward moment' as cliché, it is not! People who think that way are narrow-minded and cannot realize that we face weird silences every day in our lives! Adding that moment of quiet between the two was a nice touch of realism.
There would be one part I'd consider changing:
" ...and his figure was [pretty buff for a kid who liked tennis]...."
In my opinion, 'buff' isn't so appropriate. All sports make the player fit, and if you're meaning to say Langston is of muscular build (which is abnormal for a tennis player) then 'burly' or 'well-built' should replace 'buff'. However, if you meant to say Langston has a nice, lean figure, (and considering he's a baseball/tennis player), it is most advisable to describe him as 'fit'.
Hmm...this is the first time in a long time I am drawn to romantic teen fiction.
By the way...will you take the time to review on my second poem "The Schoolgirl's Analysis"? (Stupid title, I know) It's in the romance genre, and...I guess I'd like your opinion of it.
BTW, you feel happy because your crush seems to like you eh? (I visited your profile earlier lol). You are lucky! I have a crush on a teacher, so, my love life is just a dream xD
Anyway, love this chapter, I look forward to more!
~Brunnera
Thanks for the wonderful expertise! I'll make the corrections.
I'm glad you're enjoying my twist on romantic fiction - that's right, I'm planning a big game changer soon for Selene and Langston's little love.
I'll check it out!
Good luck chasing your dreams!
-sbf1102