A Mother's Tears

I thought that this was a very deep, meaningful poem, and you definitely achieved your goal! The one thing that I would change is the line about the collar bone. It seems a little bit forced and sort of ruins the sad mood that hangs over the whole rest of the poem. Other than that one part I think it is amazing. It is really sad but I like the way you worded the whole thing and think that it has a very nice flow to it. Great job!

I like your poem. It was well-written. The words you used were just appropriate for the poem touched my heart. It was so endearing. I love its meaning and the story. Wow! Keep writing.

The tear falls silently
landing on my chest
just below the indent of my collarbone
the one I broke when I was five. #FF0000 ">^ Maybe it's just me, but i feel that these lines are a bit forced, like the line is too long, and you keep extending the rhytme.
It slides down between
the soft, supple hills
of my translucent breast.
It rolls over the pale skin
stretched across my engorged stomach
leaving a track of brine
and comes to rest
in the narrow lip of my navel. #FF0000 ">^ The same thing as above, but I only feel it in these two last lines, in the rest it worked well.
Can he feel this? Is he crying too?
“Shhh.” I pat my stomach.
“Don’t cry, little one.”
He will never meet his papa,
this little one of mine
who resides safely now
in a place of warm darkness.
All too soon this little one
must face the world.
If only I could keep him here.
If only I could save him pain.

Hey, Sarebear!

This is such a beautiful and endearing poem. The imagery is really nice and brings out the feel of the poem. However, if there was any suggestion I could make, it would be to divide the piece into 2 or 3 stanzas. It will look much better and it'll be more fluid.

This is a nice piece with a good balance of the emotions of the narrator being poured out. I especially like the last few lines. It's heart-warming. Keep the ink flowing! I'm looking forward to reading more.

Murtuza

It's a very beautiful poem, and you definitely succeeded in your goal.
Like one of the commenters above, I really loved the last two lines. They really had a great effect, and closed the poem well.
I had a little trouble putting a rhythm to this. Periods were used a little frequently, which may have been part of it. Some of them could become commas, which might make it read a little more smoothly.
For example,

“Shhh,” I pat my stomach,
“don’t cry, little one.”

This was deep, and it tells the story of thousands of women, this was a powerful image that you planted. I'm personally not a mother, but I've been around enough small children to gain a maternal instinct and I guess it comes from growing up without my own mother. This made me cry, and go for my Ben and Jerry's haha. Beautiful work my dear, keep writing.

D'aww... Hi there, sarebear.

Yes, I think you achieved your goal. This is truly beautiful. However, I have a problem with it; your poem has periods, but you forgot the commas. Why? D: Commas have feelings, you know. Lol, kidding(not really -.-). Try to make your poems look as professional as they can. Remember that words are important, but appearance is as well. However, you did a great job. I loved it!

~Solly<3

Wow. I really liked this. So different from the normal stuff you read on here.

I thought this line was very good.

leaving a track of brine

If only I could keep him here.
If only I could save him pain.