My daze turns into days.
My guy, who runs, panting, through my mind every hour of the day, hopelessly running those 383 miles to get here, only to find me laying in bed under the felt blanket he gave me, realizing he can only come to me at night
And then I wake up, in a stir, a sleepy stir, wondering why this half year detachment is so “vital” to my upbringing and maturity.
A longing heart can only long so long until it runs the length of every thought that races through my mind.
What are you doing? Where are you? What were you just thinking about?
If the answer is us, then we are riding the same wavelength, so long to stretch these 383 miles between, but still never be able to touch.
The loneliness gets to you. It really does
Singles all mingle within the house parties and bars.
Sit in stools, and flirt in halls, you can hear their nervous and focused laughter in words and sounds through your door and as they pass to class.
You wonder, why can’t I feel that way?
Your mind races again.
Races against the thought of WHY and WHY you do this.
You push and push and examine and analyze and
logic trolls your mind and screams through every open channel of thought you have in those moments and
then you see the face.
The face of a holder you just can’t lose
You race and race and RACE against time and reasoning and happiness and sadness, and loneliness, then anger, to find that holder at the finish line
every. time.
383 miles and you still can’t give the time of day
In your head it will always be a warm light
blue and yellow
and soft pink at times,
when you start to numb
Your head lightens and your eyes lazily drift
as your shoulders dip into a slow safe pool
Your chest may raise just a bit, then lower just a bit as the warm air fills your nose then lungs
A light, smooth, soft blanket of acceptance and comfort lays upon your chest, then
your arms whose fingertips reach for something that isn’t there
yet
Your hips dip into that fearless bed that you so many times before dreamt about,
Then you so many times before lay in with that one who fits
A head softly safely snugged in the forming pillow of theirs, and yours
An arm designed for your shoulder to take in
A chest designed for your body to intertwine with and
hold close
A warm heart to hold and envelope, close, together
close, against,
together
This envelope,
This warmth,
This heart, 383 miles
I can still feel your heart, 383 and I can still
7 months of loneliness is but the strength you hold.
It does not die, it does not wane, it waits
As solo hearts search
and seize,
your strong hearts keep running and wait.
A warmth worth
waiting for.
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"My daze turns into days." what does that mean?
"realizing he can only come to me at night." This grammatically doesn't work with the rest of the (stanza?) stuff that came before it. Read it out loud and revise it.
"The loneliness gets to you. It really does." I feel like this line is a break in the structure and flow of your poem, it just doesn't fit in.
"Singles all mingle within the house parties and bars." Maybe ''at'' instead of "within?"
"Sit in stools," on stools?
"You race and race and RACE against time and reasoning and happiness and sadness, and loneliness, then anger, to find that holder at the finish line." the "then" doesn't work (for me:) I don't see why you can't write "and" again, it would make it flow better. And who is the "holder?"
blue is a cold color, it doesn't make sense as "warm light."
"when you start to numb" to "go" numb? b/c I thought it was a verb at first, and tried to connect it to the next line.
"your arms whose fingertips.." that really threw me off. you might want to change it.
"Then you so many times before." "then" is a transition to what happens NEXT, but then you bring in "before," it doesn't fit together.
"A head softly" comma "safely.."
Overall, very, very nice poem! It was just enough ambiguous and fragmented to be believable as genuine and unpolished inner thoughts and desires. It was smooth and had a lukewarm, delicate tone. Happy writing!
Hey! Panther here to review!
Wow that was breath-taking! I was so taken in by your words it's like I could just picture it all, great job on the description! I didn't notice any spelling errors and the format seems fine to me. I like the length of it ^.^ I love long poems. I love the powerful words you selected and how inspirational it was in certain parts. I absolutely love this part:
"You race and race and RACE against time and reasoning and happiness and sadness, and loneliness, then anger, to find that holder at the finish line
every. time."
Let me just say fantastic job! Keep up the incredible work I look forward to seeing more of your work!