As the wind brushes past her hair,
Lifting and letting it cascade down like waves in sea
The moist air wetting her lips
The scent of jasmine touching some tender corner in her heart,
She wavers.
She wavers from her path
Chosen for her by some great and not so great people,
Standing atop some poles or some ivory towers
A path that has a promise of some nuggets at its end.
Her parents command her move to move straight in its middle,
Lest she would veer towards the sides where the deep gorges lurk,
Ready to pull into their abysmal depths
But before she knew, the road itself swerved and narrowed
Till she found herself at its brink,
Waiting for the faint tap of the wind
To take her down.
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141,255 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
Very emotional. Very powerful. It completely enveloped me in the scene. The smell, the sight, the feeling of raw emotion and empathy. I felt like I was a ghost who was observing the scene up close. For such a short poem, the effect it had on me was spectacular! I enjoy reading your work because of all of the imagery that you include.
As the wind brushes past her hair,
Lifting and letting it cascade down like waves in sea
The moist air wetting her lips
The scent of jasmine touching some tender corner in her heart
I believe that this was the best part of the poem, the beginning. It introduces a lot of emotion and creates a lot of interest in the reader.
I enjoyed how there was a story line included in the poem. At first I thought it was going to be a poem about Love. I enjoyed the twist. It made the poem interesting and very pleasant to read.
Excellent. I enjoy reading your work.
-K
Thanks a lot Anna for your kind words. It would surely provide me the fillip to delve deep into this hitherto unexplored territory of poetry.
Thanks.
Hello, Sanju! Welcome and hope you have a great time ^^ Here to review
First, lemme warn you that I don't usually review free-verse poetry but ze Green Room must be emptied heh.
Righty, to the review. Firstly, I love the title. It's really cool and mysterious and it sets the 'tone' of the poem i. e. If it was serious, dramatic etc.
I love your use your imagery and repetition, it strengthens the poem and adds dimension to it- kudos! But what I love the most about your poem is that it tells a whole vast fudging story with so few (albeit beautifully written) lines. And there lies the power of this poem (imo).
So there's your review :3 I wish you a good time here! PM me if you need anything
Keep on writing. Cheers!
Alpha
I posted this as a comment >< sniff snifff booo.
I posted this as a comment >< sniff snifff booo.
I really enjoyed reading this. It isn't like most of the poetry that I read, and I find it suits my taste well. The way it flows and gives you imagery is what i like most. I look forward to reading more of your poetry.
My two favorite lines:
"Lest she would veer towards the sides where the deep gorges lurk,
Ready to pull into their abysmal depths"
and
"Till she found herself at its brink,
Waiting for the faint tap of the wind
To take her down."
-Laci<3
Thanks a lot for your encouragement. You may go through couple of poems that I have posted here if you feel like it.
Thank you once again for your appreciation of my poem.