Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: This is a very interesting reply here. I like that it isn't exactly overwhelming positive but rather seems to be focusing more towards actually having this person confront these horrors better and take those baby steps towards a more positive note. Its a much more realistic response this way.

Anyway let's get right to it,

I received your letter. I have started writing a diary. It still hurts to know my sister is not with me anymore. Reflections of her come into my eyes every so often, and it's not like I’ve been talking to many people or eating well.

I have to admit, I have grown a certain distrust with your book. I forced myself to hate that book. I started thinking, ‘this stupid kids’ book isn’t going to help me get ahead of this’ after I started visiting my friends. I mean, the way we snapped together — me and Kathy, that’s been missing for the past few days. All my friends tell me is they’re so sorry and so sympathetic for me because my sister died and they think that they feel my pain. The kids who used to bully me now suddenly want to be friends with me – apparently as they were cool to have that dead girl’s sister as their friend. I don’t like this, no, it makes me sick to the bone. Why can’t they let me be on my own terms — not being reminded of my sister’s tragic and early death?

Today, as your letter came in the mail, I finally got hold of your book again. I skimmed through the pages and found nothing fun, until my fingers grabbed the fifth chapter. It was really interesting. I liked how you wrote about the girl somewhat coming to terms with being alone as is, but she still refuses to stop the search for her sister. I could see myself in her place, the woods being the many hospitals Julia’s been to — specialists of this, specialists of that, specialists of those. I never understood any of the medical words that the doctors used, but my innocent mind told me - ‘the doctor means Julia will be okay”.

I became so curious about cancers, spending hours gazing at the cancer section in the encyclopedias in the small library near me. Every book told me that the disease was fatal and whoever had it was doomed to die an early and brutal death. My tender heart was neither ready nor accepting of this idea. I should have learnt to trust the books and cry these rivers — at least I would’ve been prepared, right?

But, who can be prepared for an older sister’s death — I never was, and never will be. But, at least I have you, and I at least have Mom. But, everything around me seems superficial — like I don’t belong here. I sometimes think about helping out the world by simply ceasing to trouble the world with my presence — and it’s only who she was, my dear Julia, who’s given me the ounce of confidence to live one more day.

I understand, the world moves on and you move on. You can’t and shouldn’t expect the world to stop because you want them to. The world will be there, you will be there and you can’t change. What you can do is cherish your choices and live like its meant to be.

I’m going out more often, I think I need more fresh air as it stands.

Hello!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

I saw your work in the Green Room and decided to go read the other parts to get a better insight into the story. And I have to say, I am glad I did because otherwise I would have missed out on a really interesting story here!

First of all, let me say that I absolutely love the idea behind the story. There is something so personal about this form of narration where you are getting to read the thoughts of the narrator in the most genuine expression. It almost made me feel as if I am conversing with Susan and getting access to all those intimate thoughts of hers that she cannot really express anywhere else except to the 'guide'.

I like the fact that the story really is just about emotions - loss, grief and helplessness and how this young girl learns to navigate her life around them so that she is finally able to move on. The very tone of the letters reflect that - the attempt to confront reality in its most ugly and truthful form and learn to accept it for what it is. Even though, right now, Susan is very much holding on to the loss of her sister, the fact that she took the initiative to write to the 'guide' to seek advice shows that she really is just lonely and does not know how else to deal with it.

Now, coming to the technicalities of the review.

I have to admit, I have grown a certain distrust with your book. I forced myself to hate that book. I started thinking, ‘this stupid kids’ book isn’t going to help me get ahead of this’ after I started visiting my friends. I mean, the way we snapped together — me and Kathy, that’s been missing for the past few days.

All my friends tell me is they’re so sorry and so sympathetic for me because my sister died and they think that they feel my pain.

I liked how you wrote about the girl somewhat coming to terms with being alone as is, but she still refuses to stop the search for her sister.

But, at least I have you, and I at least have Mom. But, everything around me seems superficial —

Hello! Sorry I'm getting to this so late. I hope you are having a good day or night!
I think I might have mentioned this in previous reviews, but I really enjoy the formatting of this. The way Susan takes us through her grief, and slowly seeing her come to terms with the death of her sisters, feels both like a natural progression and a great form of storytelling.
Some of the lines here felt a tad clunky. You used the word 'world' twice here; "I sometimes think about helping out the world by simply ceasing to trouble the world with my presence" which diminishes the otherwise heavy emotional impact of that line.
One small, slightly meta nitpick, when I went back to reference the prior chapters, I had trouble finding them. Might I recommend creating another, separate folder for this story?
But that has little to do with your actual writing. I thought this was a fantastic addition to your ongoing story, and I found myself tearing up a bit. My best friend recently lost her mother to cancer, and I've been looking for ways to support her without being overbearing, and that starts with understanding a bit more about what she's going through- so thank you.
I look forward to reading the next chapter. Keep on writing, and have a great day!

I love how this format of the Narrator writing a letter to someone and diving deep to see what the Narrator is going through with all the emotions they are facing i really love your wrting !!Good JOB!!