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The First Showers

by rudrAbhinav


I know this smell of the earth
When the first droplets of rain
Kiss the dry soil, gently
I know someone, somewhere is feeling this too
Someone is cursing it, struck in the city traffic
Someone is smiling, his fields tilled at the right time
Someone is happy, his paper boats will finally
Embark on their maiden voyage
And he would follow them
Like a parent follows his children
On their first day at school

It is humid here and I know
You are somewhere close
I can smell you, the earth
And it gets to my nerves
Pluviophile, they call me
For being helplessly in love with you

I feel awed
Every time you are here
Though you are punctual
But the dry season before you
Is quite disheartening
With your promises of return
Evaporating day by day

I trust you like the farmer
Who risks everything every year
Taking loans, tilling his lands
All this balanced on your
Thin thread-like promise of return

I can see you rumbling
At my doorsteps
These thunderclouds faking your urgency
Maybe even you've missed me

I take a deep breath
As I feel your first droplets embrace me
I have no tears to shed
They dried up last Sunday
But I feel good
The way my body responds to you
The goosebumps, the curled toes
I have missed you my dear friend.

-Rudra


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42 Reviews


Points: 600
Reviews: 42

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Sun Feb 23, 2020 10:55 am
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Traves wrote a review...



Hi rudrAbhinav!

Traves here for a quick review. I think your flow and pacing is perfect.The start and ending stanzas are good, both in setting and changing the mood and scope of the work, and as individual lines of poetry. I'm not as much of a fan of stanzas 2-4, though they aren't bad by any means, they could be doing more.

Theme — Nature poetry is underrepresented these days and we need more works like this. It is simple, relatable, and your narration gives a surprising feeling of immediacy. One of the strong points of this work.

Talking about poetic devices — I mostly see imagery, and it is simple and relevant. I'd suggest experimenting more with poetic devices . Use the emotions you want the reader to feel and the thoughts you want them to think as guides to which device fits perfect to enforce your version of how to interpret the words at the depth you intended.

I'd suggest going through the poetry tutorials under the forums tab, and experiment more viewforum.php?f=152

As for the reason for not liking stanzas 2-4 as much as the others, if you remove the line breaks and append them it feels like prose, and it doesn't advance the narrative a lot either. For example, I'd've liked to see more about the "I have no tears to shed
They dried up last Sunday" because it isn't quite clear why that happened.

- Also I think you should see what type of punctuation and capitalization to use because that makes a big difference and helps you in dictating how the work is read.

Punctuation in Poetry
Capitalization in Poetry


All in all, a nice read with good flow and a great start and end.

Welcome to YWS and keep writing!




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Points: 54
Reviews: 4

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Thu Feb 13, 2020 5:58 pm
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theperishedrose wrote a review...



I love the imagery and the atmosphere your words evoke within the reader. I can imagine the picture, using my senses to enhance your poem. I also love the fact that you included opposite opinions and ideas of the rain, it gives more dimension to the poem. The meaning is very profound, how we, as living creatures, all depend on the mere water droplets that falls on the ground.

Very well done! I'd love to see more like this!

-theperishedrose




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50 Reviews


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Reviews: 50

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Wed Feb 12, 2020 10:19 pm
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PlainandSimple wrote a review...



Wow, just wow! This piece is really great! The fact that you use such great words really helps the reader (like me) get a great picture of what you are describing.

I also like this poem because it has a great reason behind it, and it's relatable to others. I just want to say you really did an amazing job. I may not know much about poems and how they work, but I can tell you this writing is really good.

Great Job! I will be reading more of your work :)




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17 Reviews


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Wed Feb 12, 2020 10:30 am
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anarki wrote a review...



Hi! Anarki here to review this poem!

Like Rin321, I never knew of the word "pluviophile" until today. Its has even led to me knowing another word, "petrichor", the scent produced by rainfall on very dry ground.

I like your word choice and the overall styling of the poem. It is straightforward and by the second stanza it is already clear that the persona loves rain. The general descriptions have helped create an image in my mind of everything the poem describes:

It is humid here and I know
You are somewhere close
I can smell you, the earth


By just reading these lines, I can already feel the scent of raindrops falling on soil, the petrichor. The lines below have also achieved the same effect:

But I feel good
The way my body responds to you
The goosebumps, the curled toes


I don't know much about poetic analysis to give you any meaningful constructive criticism but, I think in the third stanza, the last line, you could have avoided using the contracted form of "you have". I have consulted a friend who thinks "you've" is better but, I guess you are free to decide which option best suits your style.

All in all, I love this poem, keep on writing!




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Reviews: 199

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Wed Feb 12, 2020 12:29 am
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Rin321 wrote a review...



Hello! Rin here to review your amazing poem!

To start off, I had never knew there was an actual term for someone who loves the rain, so I guess you learn something every day!

I love this poem for many reasons:

1. Diction- your word choice is not too simple, but not overworked with an extensive vocabulary that could distract or get in the way of the idea that you're trying to portray.

2.Imagery- I love the different examples you use to emphasize the emotion that comes when one encounters rain. One can be so excited and want to chase after it like the reference to the parents chasing their child on their first day of school, but you also put the image to contrast what others feel with the lines of people cursing the rain due to traffic in cities! :)

3. Emotion- I love how calming the poem is when I read it! I dislike rain-a lot. But the way you put it makes it this peaceful thing that feeds the earth and causes emotions that you can't even describe because it just has such a power effect.

4- Just overall mix of different literary and poetic devices really mingle together so well to make such a solid poem.

I really read this poem over and could not find a thing I would change, so amazing job!

Keep writing, you're doing great!!
~Rin :)





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