Published April 26, 2013
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140,745 Literary Works • 673,686 Reviews
Yes Rosy, the new one below looks far better. I like the rhyme scheme and especially the message. This is something nice to share with mom for mother's day. Keep up the good work and keep writing. Hurtado
i like the use of varying sentance lengths. you used alot of "advanced" words something i dont see in works very often. you seem to know what you"re doing and have a very vivid imagination and make it easy for the reader to connect and see what you saw while writing this peice. i didnt see many mistakes, if i saw any at all, but dont take my word for it, im not one who notices that kind of thing alot. but all in all, this is a good peice of writing.
Mother
Who are you to me?
A mother and a father
An ultimate fighter
Always trying to bring us higher
Showing us what's true love
Picking us when we fall
Helping us stand tall
And giving us the strength we need to keep going on in life
Showing us what's right and wrong
Preparing us for the tough world
With your motivational words
That touches our souls!
First some technical things. I noticed that your poem wasn't broken into stanzas. I didn't know if this was because when you post it lumped it together, or if you meant for this to happen. I broke it up for you. I would suggest adding some punctuation. If you need some help with it, pm me and I'll help you out. When I first started poetry, I had a time trying to figure it out.
Who are you to me?
A mother and a father
An ultimate fighter
Always trying to bring us higher
Showing us what's right and wrong
Picking us when we fall
Helping us stand tall
And giving us strenght to keep going on in life
Showing us what's true love
Preparing us for the tough world
With your motivational words That touches our souls
There are some typos in there as others have previously mentioned. I like the content and you barely touched it with imagery, if you add more, this would greatly improve this poem. I can see you are new to YWS, and probably a little new to writing as well. You'll get better with time and critiques. Don't get discouraged and keep writing!
You should have these in stanzas if you're meaning this to be an actual poem. OR also known as poem paragraphs. As well as, proper placing of periods, and commas. Fllowed by, actually rhyming. This poem almost has no rhyme scheme at all what-so-ever. Your grammer is poor, and you capitalized words that were not needed to be capitalized. But, overall this is a very good "short story," rather than a "poem."
Who are you to me? A mother and a father An ultimate fighter Always trying to bring us higher Showing us what's right and wrong Picking us when we fall Helping us stand tall And giving us strenght to keep going on in life Showing us what's true love Preparing us for the tough world With your motivational words That touches our souls
Hello. Firstly I'm sorry that your entire piece of work is in this review but my computer keeps doing it... most unnerving, I know.
Anyway this was very nicely written and a nice message towards your mother.
You've used a few capital letters out of place and separating the lines into stanza's (verses) is often the norm with poems. At least all the poems I've read have been separated in that way.
You spelled strength wrong (strenght) so just remember that you need to check all your spellings after writing something. Although in that respect I am a bit of a hypocrite.
Overall it was very well done and I think you should keep on writing like this.