Break Me
Trickling with my patience
trolled my leather boots
send your doll to shine of heart
And never keep in hoods
Mark my shame as life
and always mark your presence
with all your troops,
drop your back with some fruits
Trickling with my patience!!
Trickling with my patience,
In that forest of emotions
soul to soul is my message
To that of your precautions.
To be with you is be with you
and the day we be we i will say you
in that forest of emotions
Trickling with my patience!!
Be kind to say
Never mind to say,
Will never mark destiny,
mark my emotions,
having bear for you dear,
Trickling with my patience!!!!
-----Ŕőņåķ sharma
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140,783 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
Hi
I really liked this poem. Yes its true it doesn't have structure or rhythm but it all makes sense in a very creative way. The way you used " Trickling with my patience" as a repetitive line was a nice touch.
Overall i liked it the ideas are a bit all over the place but I know you can do better and I would love to see more of your work.
~ RadiantShadow
This poem is kind of all over the place. You have a lot of good descriptive usage of words but there's no pattern, really no theme that I can discern. I can tell that the poem is about love from the description, but if there was no description I wouldn't know. Your grammar is a little strange too, forgive me if English isn't your first language though. I have a little bit of a problem with double exclamation points, so I would remove that second exclamation point on "Trickling with my patience!!". I really like that one moment when you said soul to soul though. It was cool.
Thanks for your review . I will never mind whatever u said about it. Actully i am a learner and will try my best to improve this and you are right i am an hindi speaker.