Rhys
The day of The Gathering has always been a hectic one for me. Prepare the trees, make sure they can endure the constant companionship with our people. Make sure there are signs warning everyone to be careful around the trees as they all know how important they are to our lives. Block off the most important trees, make sure for certain nobody will get near them. Prepare the area for the Council's speech.
I consistently have this nagging feeling that I am forgetting something. I rarely actually forget something as I've taken part in The Gathering every year we've had it for the past seven years. It's starting to become routine. It took forever to make my way up this high and be one of the most trusted Protectors within the Cavern.
The jobs available in the cavern include Protectors, Caretakers, Growth Consultants, Trimmers, and Planters.
The Planters job is to plant a tree for when a child is born and to plant one of their type of tree and from then on the tree is tied to the child. They are very selective when choosing the trees, and their are times when they are blamed for the success of the child in the long run.
The Trimmers are a very selective bunch. They trim the dead branches from trees that represent bad blood lines that can result in chaos for the family associated. They also trim back family trees that are growing too large for the Council's tastes.
The Growth Consultants measure the growth of a tree and can determine, within five years, a life expectancy of a child. They also can predict the height, weight, eye color, and personality of the child based on the tree lines as they grow, particularly through their teenage years. They aren't among the highest of loved workers because quite often the parents do not like what they have to say. But hey, they're professionals.
The Caretakers have a very important role to everyones survival. They are the watchdogs of the family trees, each with a few families to take care of. They takecare of every commoner and family of normal decent.
The Protectors are very similar to Caretakers only they are tasked with somethingfar more important. Before I became a Protector I was a Caretaker. I've worked so hards to make it to this high of prestige. I have the privelege of working with the Council's trees as well as communication with the Council themselves. This is the one day out of the year in which they show themselves publicly,everything else is done through the Protectors who send them off to the Messengers, who I forgot to mention. They deal with the sending of important documents and communication between us and other villages that are connected to the trees, as well as our neighbors to the west and to the east.
I am proud to call myself a Protector. I wasn't able to do this until the tragic loss of a dear friend many years ago, and then still it took a few years. Tyrah Maple was a lovely woman who I had known since we were still children, playing in the leaves that fell off of our families trees. Her death was so sudden and so heartbreaking for me, and for her family too i'm sure. They didn't know me, although I wish they did, because I have some things that Tyrah told me that would be better left in their hands. Things she said, things she gave to me, all of it deserved to know by all of her family, especially Midas, and their children Kai, Brand, and Vera.
Such precious children. They were so cute when they were brought by Midas to that first Gathering they managed to make it to. Kai was already shaping to be a strong man and could very well be a part of the Council someday, I could already see it in him at such a young age. Brand had a fiery passion that was unmistakingly strong. His future was unpredictible, even by Loa, the best Growth Consultant for the entire Cavern. Vera was too young to have anything be too obvious. A dark omen surrounded her from the moment I saw that little devil, even I knew the darkness she held.
I was forced to keep this information to myself, because in the wrong hands it could be manipulated to turn her evil. It's not something I agree with, but I had no say in the matter. So I kept quiet, never speaking, always staying strong, for her family. It was of the utmost importance, but I feel that it would have been smarter to inform them from the beginning. Allow them to prepare for Vera's inevitable betrayal. This was not allowed. If I had told them I would have been fired, let loose, away from everyone I've ever loved. I could not risk that, even for their well being. I am not selfless enough for that.I am selfish, extremely selfish.
I drifted into deep thought and was awoken from my trance by Kel "Rhys! Earth to Rhys! You are behind schedule. This isn't like you. I don't want to have to report you."
The last sentence caught my attention. "No Kel! I'll be better, I was just distracted. I've been thinking a lot lately and it's been messing with my head."
His eyebrows ruffled in disbelief,"You know I was joking kid. I always joke with you. But with that response, maybe I should report you." He alway talks with a demeaning tone, yet whimsical and kind. It doesn't naturally go together, but for Kel it just somehow works. He's one of those people that are impossible to understand but somehow make complete sense. We all have someone like that in our lives.
"Yeah, always a jokester." I say absentmindedly, "Where am I supposed to be right now?"
"You really are out of it.." Kel replies, "You are supposed to be tending to the largest family trees right now. You already finished the preparations for the Council's trees and for the speech area. You began pruning the trees,but you stopped and have been standing here for a good twenty minutes."
"I apologize for my lack of work ethic. I have been pondering decisions that were made earlier in my life and the secrets I must hold in."
"I understand what you're saying." Kel answers politely. Kel knows everything about the Maple family, because I trust him, but I must be careful because nobody is allowed to know, I could get fired for it. The things I know about that family haunt me and could ruin everything I worked so hard for.
Kel walked away and waved a little goodbye as I got back to work. I walked around the Cavern, heading to the closet where we keep all of our pruning supplies under lock and key. The closet smells like a musty janitors closet at a high school. I open the creaking door and grab the cart that holds the supplies for the treatment.
I head to the Cedar trees first and begin to carefully prine the dead branches off each tree.
We don't understand the dying branches to their full extent yet, as they could have multiple meanings. One theory states that the dying branches are a form of what humans called cancer and if not cut off they will kill the host. Another says that they are bad memories being erased from their minds. We could easily find out the truth in regards to the first theory but the other theories are much more abstract and difficult to grasp, at least for the commoners.
I continue pruning the trees, tree after tree, row after row, for a couple more hours. This is the most boring and tedious part of my job. As I become more focused, the time flies by, and by the time I realize who is approaching, I know that I cannot do anything to stop this interaction.
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Hi, I read another chapter, and so I had to read more. I really like the story of the tree people.
I did see a few typos, but all of them were merely a lack of spacings. I also noticed a few times when you used "who" instead of "whom", but, since the protagonist is the narrator, it would be alright to leave it as it is, unless you really want to make him grammatically correct.
Other than these I failed to notice anything else. You did let the narrator tell us about the system of their society, and I always tell people that this is best done through dialogue.
But this is a really cool story! And I like it how you left the readers with an end-of-chapter cliffhanger. It really is the best way to end the first chapters of any novel.
I wish you luck with this novel, and I hope you finish it, so that many more people get to enjoy it!
Hey, there! Lefty here for another review! It looks like this is out of the greenroom now, but I'm happy to review it anyway.
I didn't find as many typos in this one, but there were still a few:
^^Missing Spaces^^
always not alway.
And really only one little nitpick this time:
You story has a very strong fantasy, magical feel to it. Giant magical trees with tree people in a world full of nature. So when you described something smelling like a high school janitors closet, it felt out of place. Do they have high-schools in this world? Do people still live in traditional cities and homes like in todays modern world? Is the world the same except for the fact that people are attached to trees? This hasn't really been mentioned yet, which is perfectly fine. But it just felt strange in the kind of fantasy story that this is.
Ok, that's it for all the typo, nitpick stuff. Not bad! It was interesting hearing Rhys side of things and his opinion. We get to understand a little bit more of his character which allows us to see both Rhys and Brand's view on things. I also thought the development with Vera was really interesting and surprising! I'm really curious to know where you're going to go with that. The plot thickens!
This was pretty short so I don't have a lot to say, but I thought this chapter was important to add more understanding to the story. Onto chapter three! Keep writing!
-Lefty
Hi roeckercody! (Again)
Once again, I loved this. I am very curious to know what happens next and I liked how you had the different perspective thing going on. I think it gives the reader a personal connection to each character and it allows them to feel sympathy for them and have them feel like they understand what it truly happening. The idea of Vera betraying the family is really intriguing and I am excited to see what happens. It is also comforting to find that Rhys is not all bad. It adds another layer to the story that I do not think it had before. This seems kind of strange, but for some reason, I though all of the Maple family besides the Midas of course was a girl. I should have caught in by the names, I know, but maybe In the first chapter you can add a little more detail about that. Now for the nitpicks:
take care instead of takecare
something far instead of somethingfar
This needs a space after the period.
Anyway, I loved this story and I am so excited to see what happens next!
Hi roeckercody!
I am here for review. First, I go with the nitpicks:
It has become routine.
It took many years or all these years to make my way up this high
This sentence seemed to be confusing. Rephrase it:
When a child is born, the planters' job is to choose their type of tree and plant it. From then, the tree is tied to the child.
Blamed for the success of the child? Why? I think it is 'praised'
I've worked so hard to achieve this high prestigious level.
Your tree concept is good and different. I find this chapter too like the introduction part. The story hadn't picked up the pace. It is just stagnating. You don't need to describe everything in the beginning itself. As the story moves, you can deliver one by one. I hope this review helps you. I will read and review your other chapters too. Sorry for lagging. Keep writing.
All the best