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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
This was a very interesting piece with a very nice message. I like the way that you conveyed it at the end there. The only thing that bothered me was how this read. Some of the lines had letters where they didn't really fit or stopped a little too suddenly.
By "Richies" were you talking about rich people? It sounded a little awkward when you phrased it that way. Also if the "Richies" are plural then the "gives" doesn't need an "s" at the end.I don't quite understand what you mean by "housies" either. Maybe if you cleared that up this poem would make a little more sense.
I really liked this because you listed all the people the reader could have been. This really shouts the message to the reader which I just loved. The only thing I would work on is having your work make a little more sense, otherwise this was pretty good!
Sushi
I quite enjoyed the piece.
First of all, the concept was really great. It's something I haven't seen before, which is pretty awesome. It's also missing the average dose of immature angst-- which makes it FANTASTIC.
I couldn't find any particular stanza or line that jumped out at me from this work. I feel like it only really stands out a whole-- which is actually something I don't see often in poetry. The fact usage of the language creates a wonderful voice in the writing. I can feel poverty and taste the idea. The actual writing is by far the best part about this poem.
The part I dislike is the fact that there's not much of what I consider actual poetry in this mix. I see a lot of writing and a lot of words, but not much flow or rhythm. That might be just in the way I read it, but I still feel like it's worth mentioning.
Overall, it's a very unique piece and I enjoyed reading it. Keep writing!
I really liked this poem.It was a bit encouraging and long.One thing I realizes that there were no full stops that threw me off a bit. Also the obscene word had me checking the category of this poem I would of advised the use of another word but all in all this is a nice poem.
I really liked this poem.It was a bit encouraging and long.One thing I realizes that there were no full stops that threw me off a bit. Also the obscene word had me checking the category of this poem I would of advised the use of another word but all in all this is a nice poem.
Hi
I really enjoyed this poem. My favorite thing about it was that you took the time to make it sound like a rough-speaking farmer or somesuch was reciting the poem. Nice job! It had a nice hopeful note at the end, and the flow was very nice. Keep up the good work.