Young Writers Society

Am I correct in assuming that this is a work in progress? Anyway, on with the review, which may or may not be that helpful.

I think you'll appeal to more readers if you included a short summary in this... article? Also, you made quite a lot of mistakes in spelling and where you chose to place your punctuation, so maybe edit your work and try to correct the mistakes.
You tend to add a space between the two words surrounding the punctuation mark, which, although acceptable on Facebook and the like, is probably not accepted when writing in the real world. Did I make sense?
The theme has really sparked my interest, though if it will be written in the same way this particular piece was, then I don't think I'll be reading it anytime soon :/

That's it! Hoping see more from you

Hey Little Author here,


So this isn't really review since this isn't a story but I do see some problems.

1. I'm just plain old confused. Some of your word choices are horrible and you need to revise your spelling.


2. If you want people to want to read this story, you have to write maybe a summary of the story, not just the characters.


3. Use read words. Not just those short cuts like & and yea. Only use words that you would use in maybe a essay.

Keep writing

So, here to review, although this won't be an actual review, because this isn't an actual story. This will be more of a grammatical short review with a bit about the names.

My name is Quest, and I will be reviewing/commenting on this piece for you today, because it is Review Day and that this piece is in the Green Room. So, I will try my best to review this without it being ridiculous.

,I means

Oh yea

The Extras ;


Yani ~ BestFriend



Mari ~ Crazy Ex



Rayni ~ Twinn Sister

I'm slightly confused, I'm not sure if this is just a work in progress or something open ended. but I think your readers would benefit from explanation. If you better explained what this piece was I think it could be really cool. I've never seen a work like this so I think you could have something good if there was more to it.