Published June 30, 2011
and it's about writer's block. go figure.
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I used to find words everywhere.
They kept my pillow soft, flew out of
The aircon, squeezed through
That slit under the door.
I could feel them in the heat
Of the morning’s shower
Of sunlight. Birds chirped them.
And in school when Teacher’s voice
Droned endlessly on,
I would watch the windows
For stray words trapped
In tree branches. Words
Fell like feathers in the wind,
Swayed gracefully like a pendulum
Before landing on a girl’s outstretched hand.
Those were the words I fished out
Of a lake. Words I cooked on a grill,
Sprinkled with herbs and spices,
Gave out to crowds.
Like I said, I found them everywhere.
Which is why I’m now surprised
To see them asleep on the page
(snoring loudly and refusing to wake up),
To find that they leave our mouths
To fade like curls of smoke.
(first draft)
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Canary word: Present
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138,206 Literary Works • 672,082 Reviews
I'm not one who is able to distinguish good poetry from bad poetry, but I really liked this. The words flowed smoothly in my head when I read them. You describe writer's block in a unique way. I love how you don't even mention the word. I hope you continue hearing words everywhere again soon, and find inspiration in every corner. Keep on finding!
-Crescent
I'm really digging this. Despite the previously mentioned choppiness, it's pretty good. You gave good metaphors and the personification, in my opinion was great.
But there was one thing:
The places I have colored to be red are the places I have a problem with. I'm not fond of the fact that you started a sentence in one paragraph and then finished it in another. It just kind of bothered me a tad.
Anyway, this was good, keep it up.
Love and space boots,
Liv
I really like this. It's abstract, and yet you get what's going on. I love the part about words on trees. Excellent.
It's a little rough I have to admit. You seem to change themes within the first two stanzas. Other than that you seem to make your point. Review it and see what the essential message is that you're trying to get out to make this poem all the more powerful.