She views it on the media and in every magazine
Everyone at school uses it even the prom queen
She doesn’t want to stand out, or always be alone
So on one fateful day she decides to give it a try
A lighter flashes and catches fire to the awaiting tip of that unforgiving cocaine filled stick
She coughs and hacks
Her stomach starts to churn
But she has to keep going she wants to fit in
So she takes a shaky breath and naively tries again
Three years later she sits in a brown arm chair at the local rehab center
Shaking with a crave that snatched away her precious life
I guess that’s what happens when you believe the hype
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Listen to Elinor! I definitely agree this poem needs some more spicing up. I like the idea behind it, since modern poetry can tend to get too nature-oriented even now - somethign upbeat and modern to discuss. But the way in which you described it did nothing for me. I suggest using a LOT more imagery - think about a metaphor you might use for this. Create a symbol. Be creative, period!
Try not to be too literal when writing. It can really take away from the feeling of the poem, and is actually totally inaccessible to us as a result.
Hi!
So, this was okay. I appreciate what you're trying to do by making us aware but drugs and all of that, but there wasn't anything particularly memorable in this poem. It covers no new ground we haven't heard about, and it comes off as more annoying then educational.
I think your main problem is that is that you use everything we've heard about in school (the peer pressure), and although it's all true, it's not as common as you make it out to be.
Try to introduce something new and memorable to this poem. Maybe you can follow the story of one user of drugs a bit more closely, and cover what happens beyond the first try. Coughing and feeling nasty really isn't that bad, especially considering that a lot of people can die from drugs. I also think you should revise or delete the last line, as it's kind of slamming the moral in our face.
Well, I hope this helps, and don't throw it out! I really like what you're trying to do with this. PM if you have questions.
-Elinor xo