Network of Keys Chapter 8 part 2: Cynthia, Ghost Town

by rainbowcabbit

Published March 10, 2014

12+ Violence

In Network Of Keys

You have encountered a Fantiture.

~Cynthia~

Before the little ponmik can escape safety I steal him from the ground like his life depends on it, which it does. Ky struggles furiously in my arms, but I cannot let go. If I did that whatever Fantiture is lurking may hurt him! Again! I know I would not be able to withstand seeing Ky bleeding and severely wounded for the third time in a row. No, this time I'll keep him safe.

"Go Fluffy!" Amy shouts, and her Fantiture kinda leaps out of the jar in her hand.

I almost scream when I see Fluffy. Fluffy is the same kind of adorable fluff ball with the droopy triangle ears that got eaten by that terrible Fantiture called Killer. Ky shivers in my arms. He remembers too, but of course how could he forget? Fluffy's opponent, however, is not quite as, well, attractive. He/she appears to be a fish-like skeleton with his/her little triangle shaped head and bony fish tail. He/she wobbles slowly towards us with flipper like bones with so much effort blood spatters out of the palpitating heart in his/her rib cage. The heart is only held within the rib cage by the means of the tentacle like veins jutting out of it grasping onto the Fantiture's bones.

Thump. Thump. He/she gets a little closer and snaps his/her jaws, revealing small pointy teeth. He or she is quite big for a fish; three times Ky's size. Ky buries his cute little heart shaped nose into my chest, but instantly decides the smell of blood is just as bad as the Fantiture's smell of death and bad fish.

"Fluffy, use stomp!" Amy yells.

Fluffy makes the cutest little yelp, like the kind of yelp that makes anyone want to just run up to her and hug her close, and practically floats as she skips towards the nasty skeleton. When she gets there she brings up her front legs and smashes them against the other Fantiture's head. She turns around and beams at Amy like she is trying to show her trainer how much of a good little wool fluff Fantiture she is, but the other Fantiture takes this as a good opportunity to grasp half of Fluffy's body into his/her mouth and bites down hard. So hard that my stomach twists when the salty metallic scent of fresh blood fills the air as red explodes out of the cute little Fantiture, who obviously screams a little girl scream at her immense pain.

Just like that Ky flies out of my arms and though I try desperately hard to grasp him back to safety, he sprints recklessly towards the fish creature.

"KY!!!" I yell, but he doesn't hear me.

Wham! The furious ponmik throws his body right between the predators empty eye sockets so that he/she releases Fluffy from the shock. Fluffy takes the opportunity to run back to her trainer, crying like a newborn baby.

"Ky!" I try again.

"Don't worry Cynthia, I'm all right!" he makes the ponmik equivalent to a human smile, just as the other Fantiture opens his/her mouth and takes a big bite onto Ky's rear end.

Just to prove he is perfectly OK, Ky starts to stride towards me, and blood squirts out of place where the fish-thing is clutching to him. He looks confused. I want to cry again, but I have to be strong, even if it's heartbreaking to see Ky pull again and have more blood squirt out. Terror pierces me in the chest, and for a moment I don't know what to do. And then I realize it. Slowly, I withdraw the cold, lifeless jar from my backpack and slowly tiptoe around Amy towards my ponmik and his attacker.

My gentle feet don't make much noise as I slowly lower them to the dead grass one at a time. Be silent, I mentally tell myself, Keep both of them distracted.

"GET OFF OF ME YOU SICKO!!!!!" Ky's yell almost makes me jump out of my own skin and whip around just in time to see him bash one of his strong hind legs into the skeleton's skull with a sick crack.

Fortunately Ky's blow only leaves a little dent and gets him away, but that means I can't get any closer to the Fantiture. Hoping I'm right, I take off the jar's cap and thrust the open jar in the direction of the fish Fantiture. Sparkles of white light start to dance around him/her and he/she looks around in confusion as the light increases and starts to race into the jar. In no time, he/she is gone and the jar in my hand feels oddly warm and even glows a little.

"Congratulations. You caught your first Fantiture," Amy says flatly as she walks over to me with a fully healed and happy Fluffy in her arms, "So what are you going to name it?"

Trying not to tell her how offensive the pronoun "it" can be, I try to come up with a decent name. I never though about naming him/her, I just figured he/she may be of use later on and could be befriended.

"How about Stinky?" spits Ky, who stalks up to me with a very expressive What the Keys were you thinking Cynthia look etched on his face. His eyes don't try to hide his very obvious embarrassment and annoyance.

I fold my arms and glare back at him, "Ky, that's awfully rude. I know he or she may not be the most attractive or nicest of beings,but it doesn't mean we have to be mean back. We are not in danger any more."

Amy snorts besides me. She, too, does not see the potential in this creature, but we're going to have to make it work. We all know things are dangerous here, and the more help the better. Besides, I realize, He/She seemed more hungry than vicious.

"Does Creepy work? She really is creepy, not to be mean," suggests Ky, sounding less annoyed.

"Hmmmmm....I think that can work, even if its not the best," I mutter.

"Wonderful, now let's go," Amy says, tapping her foot impatiently.

"OK," Ky and I respond.

With that, we walk a little more before entering the most depressing little town I have ever seen. It has wooden shacks like the first town, but these shacks are dilapidated and falling apart, some sink, some lean, and some are completely done for. Color itself seems to have been drained from the little town. Life has come to an obvious stand still, and even the air itself seems to be holding its breath, but the air also seems to be writhing and crawling at the same time like it can't hold its breath for much longer. Trash lingers the bare dirt paths, and the odor of decomposition hangs like a cloud. Ky makes an obnoxious gagging noise besides me, some how Amy doesn't flinch at any of it. I try not to tense at it all, but there's this terrible feeling of dread here that I can't ignore.

"Come on," says Amy, her cold voice exposing her feelings.

She trudges herself near what could've been a store once and we follow her like loyal dogs. Ky trots besides me, glancing anxiously around for some weird reason. Amy looks down at Ky when we arrive at the building at the far side of the town. Somehow, this building isn't as wrecked as the others, but it still doesn't seem safe. A scowl twitches at the edges of Amy lips before she goes digging through her purse for something. Curiosity perks its way into my mind even as I try not to question. What is in her purse is none of my business. Curiosity however is more powerful than I would have thought, so I look at Ky for clues. Shock grabs me by the heart when I see the little puddle of blood growing between Ky's back legs. He shifts nervously and uncomfortably. I try not to gasp when I see that he left behind a trail of little red puddles. Although he isn't very hurt compared to what has previously happened to him, its still nauseating when the faint scent of blood hits my nostrils.

"Ky, is it?" Amy asks, "Turn around for me won't you?"

"I'm ok," he mumbles and his voice is saturated with discomfort.

"I don't care just turn around anyway. We can't have you luring predators in our direction."

Awkwardly Ky turns around revealing the small but slightly deep cut on the lower part of his rear end. Its somehow relieving to see him come out of that fight with only that cut, though his blood still getting everywhere is not quite as good. Amy kneels down and sprays the cut with an emerald green, bitter smelling fluid. Squeaking Ky flinches away. He flashes Amy a rather not polite glance before meeting my gaze with a concerned look. Looking at his wound, I notice that the spray is actually healing it.

"Its OK," I soothe, bending down and scratching behind Ky's soft ears.

While Ky purrs as I pet him, Amy sprays the healer onto Ky again. He flinches again, but I hold him in place. As soon as she finishes spraying Ky, Amy pulls out a cleansing towel and wipes the once wounded spot.

"There," Amy says, "Good as new."

"Thanks," Ky and I say in unison.

"Well, come on," she gets up and enters the building.

"Are you sure it's safe?" I ask nervously as I follow her with Ky by my side.

She whips around and glares at me, "Of course not. But its waaaaaayyy safer than everything else."

I stifle a sigh. Of course. We enter the building. The building's insides have a musty reek to them. Broken glass is spattered across the dirt floor. Shelves and huge glass containers that once had purpose now are broken and tipped over. The only life in here is the slate color mold that clutches any part of the rotting ceiling and walls possible. A cold breeze slips into the barren building, making all of us shiver. Ky sniffs at one of the random medicine containers that leak from the fallen cabinets. He decides that the pills aren't candy and looks up at me happily. I try not to sigh. How is it that he can remain so happy in such a depressing and dangerous place? Carefully, I pick him up and hold him close. Lovingly he snuggles my chin, and I can't resist rubbing my hand down his furry back. We approach the back of the place. A lopsided desk looking object barely stands there. Behind it is various jar holders.

Amy places a tiny foot onto the first stair with a miserable creak. Cautiously she climbs up the stairs, and hesitantly I do the same. I really don't want to; the steps feel like they are going to fall at any moment.

"Why are we here?" I whine.

"Because this place will help us get ready to move on. Believe it or not, this place used to be a FantiPlace. FantiPlaces are places that specialize in Fantiture care. Here you can heal your Fantitures and buy food and crap for them. Or, well, you used to be able to. Now this one is just a dump," Amy explains.

Finally we enter the upper level of the dilapidated FantiPlace. It looks very much like an apartment room, except for the fact that it is falling apart. A giant mattress is in one corner of the room, in another corner lies a fridge. Near the fridge is a charcoal black stove. It is in better condition than the buildings of this town, which I find kind of odd. In the other corner opposite of the bed is a barely walled area that I assume was a bathroom. Unfortunately, this bathroom's walls aren't good for privacy anymore.

"OK, so we are going to get our crap together here," says Amy, "Then we are going to rest a bit and stock up on supplies. Am I clear?"

"Yes," I reply.

Ky doesn't reply because he is rushing to he bathroom. Grandpa potty-trained him well.

***

Towering above us, the "resting home" appears to be quite intimidating. It isn't far away from the abandoned town, and yet somehow it is in expert condition. Three roofs peak the top of the black wooden place, and yellow lit windows peer down on us like a Darksider's eyes. Small prickles of fear race up my spine, but I try to ignore them. No use worrying since I am going to have to go in there. Amy strolls into the resting place, followed by Ky. I stumble after them into the opened doors that remind me of a giant gaping mouth.

Dark violet is the room we enter first. White clothed tables with lit snowy candles decorate the room. However, the candles do not do much to help cleanse the air from death's odor. A purple curtain leading us deeper into the place awaits us at the far end of this room. Amy steps silently across the room while she looks in every direction for a possible threat. I snatch Ky up from the onyx floor. Although he complains I still hold him close. Again, not risking him getting hurt. I am just glad he didn't get hurt the last time. With trepidation in my soul, I follow Amy into the the room behind the curtain.

This room is even darker than the first to the point where nothing can be seen but the distant candle lights. The pattern of the lights only tells us that the room may be divided into separate paths.

"From what I can remember," Amy says, "This place splits off into some hallways. Only one reaches to the outside. It'll take forever to find them, so we better split. See ya at the other side."

And with that, my only guide slips into the darkness, leaving Ky and I to defend ourselves.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Kale
Review
Kale wrote a review Review · Mar 30, 2014

Hello there, rainbowcabbit. I, a bold Knight of the Green Room, am here to review you on this fine Review Day. I hope you don't mind.

I should also note that I haven't read any of the previous parts, so if I bring up something already addressed earlier in the story, feel free to disregard it.

With that said, "Fantiture" made me think that all of the creatures were some kind of furniture-shaped things, which really amused me. Are there furniture-like Fantitures? I'm curious now.

One of the first things I noticed was the awkward use of "he/she". It's much less awkward to use "they", or even an alternative pronoun. Using "he/she" is pretty bulky and awkward both visually and to read, and it doesn't encompass all cases. I'm assuming that Fantitures in general are based on animals, so it's worth noting that not all animal species have male and/or female members. Some species have more sexes than two while some only have one, and so if you want to reflect that diversity in your pronoun usage, you might want to consider using alternative pronouns. There's a few already in fairly common use (like xe), or you could create Fantiture-specific pronouns. It's something to consider.

There were also a number of close-but-not-quite words throughout this. For example, "Broken glass is spattered across the dirt floor." should use "scattered" instead of "splattered" as liquids splatter, and not solids. I'd recommend always keeping a dictionary on hand to occasionally double check your word usage, even the ones you think you know. It really helps.

Overall, this is really similar to Pokemon, which is fine if you intend this to be a homage to the franchise, but if you don't, you're going to have to do more than just change the names of things to distinguish your setting from the Pokemon world. Some ways to do this would be altering the mechanics of how things work and why, as well as exploring the relationship between trainers and their Fantitures more in-depth. Right now, the similarities to Pokemon give the impression of this being a very thinly-veiled Pokemon fanfic, which I don't think you were aiming for.

Taking the time to build the world behind this story would really help distinguish your story from Pokemon.

Thank you. The story is actually nothing like Pokemon, but this was supposed to be Pokemon based. Also, thank you for the pronoun idea. That is quite helpful. I recommend you read chapter nine part one since there is a table Fantiture there. :D Thank you so much.

User avatar
happyslappy13
Review
happyslappy13 wrote a review Review · Mar 30, 2014

It's always good to see pokemon works on YWS. Pokemon the video game is very statistical and strategic, so putting it into characters is a nice feat.

The only thing I could ask for is maybe an expansion on this fact. In the character's dialogues, while the comedic effect is nice, it would be my suggestion to implement some character development. This is pokemon, so character development isn't the highest note to hit, but just some more would be nice. The bond between people and pokemon is always important.

Anyway, keep up the great work!

Thank you, but if you read the other chapters you would know only this part of the story is Pokemon based.

Ooooh, interesting.

fallenoutofgrace wrote a review Review · Mar 11, 2014

Ello it's fallen here for that favorite time of the day Review time! now lets get started :3 First off I have mixed feelings on Amy now did she really mean split up or is she just gonna high tail it like no tomorrow? But I loved how you implanted some Pokémon charm into it like capturing a Pokémon in a ball, capturing a Fantiture in a jar real nice :3. Another thing that I enjoyed was the humor you implanted into your story whether you meant to or not it comes out as a comical release for example " grandpa potty-trained him well." and " " how about stinky?" that cracked me up. Only one question just to be clear they are out of the dungeon and in a town correct? other than that an Amazing chapter to an incredible book keep writing, your gonna go far
~fallen

Thank you so much. :) Amy Manny just a temporary split, nothing too major. And they are leaving the town and into a "dungeon". Again, thank you alot. :D



I drink tea and forget the world's noises.
— Chinese saying