12+

Network of Keys Chapter 6: Ky, First Floor/Level part 3

The path after all that is surprisingly easy. It leads straight into a small little village with bright colored and aromatic flowers everywhere. Little wooden houses sit along the road. Both of us are slightly limping from the pain of our bites.

"Can't we rest?" I moan, my wounds cramping up.

"We're in a village," Cynthia says, "There is bound to be a place to stay or get help."

I groan a little more. Until this, I always got to lay and sleep whenever I wanted, so I'm not used to not having rest. Still, I trudge on. Cynthia seems as weak and tired as I am with her slumped shoulders barely keeping her big, black backpack off the ground. After what seems to be an eternity, we reach a more populated part of the village, which is somehow larger than we expected. Simple little shacks and shops are scattered about and on the dirt path, which gets wider. There are still some houses along the path, but they also served as shops. Simple townspeople meander around the town, observing things in carts, purchasing items, selling items, and just gossiping in clumps. We start heading towards a house that is quite large compared to the other wooden structures.

"Usually big places are hospitals or hotels," Cynthia explains, "and we need at least one of those things."

"Yup," I nod in agreement, observing the hideous blood stains on Cynthia's sweat pants.

Cynthia opens the heavy doors of the building, and to our disappointment, this building is not a hospital or place to stay. The room has about a million plants on the floor and hanging from the ceiling. Along the walls are even more stands packed with fruits and vegetables. People are positioned around the place, shouting at fighting creatures of all sorts.

Cynthia sighs, "Oh, I forgot, this isn't Sunnyside."

Just then, a voice behind us squeals, "OH MY GOSH! Are you two here to train?"

I whip my head around to make sure this person isn't going to attack us and to be prepared in case she does. All I see is an innocent young lady with shoulder length coffee hair. A ridiculous smile is painted on her face, exposing pearly teeth. Her cream colored hands clasp together in front of her face. The neon orange sundress she wears almost blinds my eyes.

"Not really," Cynthia says, "We are actually kind of lost. Do you know where a hospital would be by any chance, or at least a place where we can stay?"

"OH MY GOSH! Is that your Fantiture? He is SOOOO CUTE!" the woman shouts, gesturing to me, and with total disregard to Cynthia's question, she continues, "We should, like, have a battle!"

"A battle? I'm not in the mood for fighting."

"No, really! We are at a gym, it's OK!"

"No, you see-"

"COME ON!! It will be a lot of FUN!!! I promise!"

With a groan, Cynthia finally agrees. A little flicker of fire begins to burn on one of her hands. The other female yelps in excitement and pulls out a little jar.

To our surprise, the girl exclaims, "Princess! I choose you!" after taking a step back.

Out of the jar comes a huge animal with tiny, pointy ears and a long muzzle full of sharp teeth. Its beady pink eyes stare down on me. A growl emerges from "Princess".

"So your using...?" the lady asks, looking at me.

"Ky!?" Cynthia gasps.

"Well, yeah, him."

"He is in no condition to fight, you see he is seriously wounded."

"Do you have anything else?"

"No-"

"Well then Ky's in! Come on let's battle!"

The battle-hungry human doesn't even notice that blood is still leaking out of my wounds. Oh dear gods and goddesses no, I think, Not against THAT. Princess gets into a position that makes it look like she is getting ready to pounce on me. I back up. Oh dear gods and goddesses this cannot be happening to me.

"Princess, bite!" the nameless human shouts. Princess leaps at me and opens her huge jaws.

Panicking, I jump out of the way, my fur bristling with fear once again.

"Now it's your turn!" the female chirps.

"Ky...um...shoot a lighting bolt?" Cynthia commands, dumbfounded.

I gather all my energy up and decide where to aim it, but then another order is flung at Princess. She rears up onto her hind legs and gets ready to crush me. Oh. Darkside. Cookie. No. I shoot a zig-zagging bolt of energy right between her hind legs. That oughta hurt, I hope, Hurt so much she won't want to continue attacking me. She doesn't give my intended reaction. Yes, it looks as if it did hurt quite a bit, but not like she is howling in pain. Darn. At least the attempt keeps her from crushing me.

"Princess, whip 'im!" the human shouts excitedly.

Instantly Princess smacks me aside with her giant front paw. I am sent hurling across the room and crashing into a stand. Weakly, I get my paws underneath me again, but I can't lift myself up. The bite wounds on me go from minor dripping to major gushing. My head gets all dizzy and now there is two of everything. Everything seems to be bouncing up and down like a slinky toy.

"Ky! Drain!" Cynthia cries, but I can barely grasp what she is saying because it sounds far away.

"Princess, finish him off!" Princess's owner orders.

The blurry image of Princess stalks towards me, like a predator getting ready for the kill. I have to drain...I think that's what Cynthia told me. What does she mean by drain? Head pounding, I can't understand what's going on around me. My vision gets even worse and my everything hurts. Hurts too much.

Ky your a ryg of the yellow key! You have to drain her energy! A voice so distant it might be my own head yells. It kinda sounds like Cynthia.

Closing my eyes, I try to focus on draining energy from Princess. On sucking the precious energy in and sapping it away from her. Suddenly I don't feel so weak and I open my eyes to see that everything isn't blurry anymore. I feel alive again. On the other paw, Princess looks extremely exhausted. I steal a little more energy from her for good measure. The animal passes out right in her tracks.

"No!" the female human bellows and makes the jar suck up her beloved Princess, "I can't believe I lost."

"Oh thank the gods and goddesses," Cynthia exhales in relief, looking at me, "You're okay."

I beam at her. She smiles back. I trot up to her and put a paw on her leg to donate some of the stolen energy. The brown haired girl walks up to us and miserably hands Cynthia some slips of paper. Cynthia thanks her. The miserable lady walks away, but a mocha skinned woman walks up to us. Cynthia speedily picks me up so we can run from another battle.

"I saw your battle skills out there," the dark woman says, she's older than the previous girl,"and I shall say they were quite impressive."

"Thank you ma'am." Cynthia remarks.

"Shame you aren't really a Fantiture trainer. You'd be really good. You are trying to find a way to the next level of the Radio Tower, yes?"

"Yes madam, but as you see we're not in the best of condition to continue. Do you perhaps know of a hospital around here?'

"Don't worry about hospitals dear, I got it covered. I already knew you were coming and that you wouldn't be in the best of shape. The Tower Springs already told me. I always know of new coming arrivals. It's been forever since an Outsider laid foot in this place," the woman pauses for a moment to gaze at the vine covered ceiling, then looks back at Cynthia,"Come with me."

She leads the way out of the gym and through the village to her house. Her house looks like all the others, except a bit bigger. Once inside, the woman ushers us into a room with a bed in it.

"You both can rest here," she instructs us, then looks directly at Cynthia, "I'll take your clothing."

"OK," Cynthia answers, her face looks a bit pinker than normal.

"I won't look at you Dear," the woman says, "I just want to take care of your clothing."

I jump onto the bed and curl up into loose ball. My gaze sleepily lands upon the two females. As my flutter shut, Cynthia hesitantly begins undoing her Velcro jacket. The depths of sleep sluggishly pull me under,

Comments & reviews · 3
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

first off, wasn't expecting a princess smash-down but then again all is possible in the network of keys. So lets get started shall we? I enjoyed your imagery when you entered the town. I also enjoyed the remarks of your characters and using " umms and such" helps bring the reader close in because it is relatable. Also BIG fan of the Pokémon effect and the mini battle really awesome. I liked how in the battle you didn't make ky totality destroy his oppentant which some people do. You made it like it was an actually battle which was nice. Next I liked how awkward it was when the women said " all take your clothes" Total blushing Cynthia moment! Best moment ever overall Well Well done and Keep it up because this is my favorite novel now :)

User avatar
Archer
Review
Archer wrote a review · Sun Nov 24, 2013 9:48 pm

Definitely reminded me of Pokemon as well! I'm guessing this is Pokemon fan-fiction?

In all, I like this chapter. It's quite interesting, and I like how you describe entering the town. If you continue to work on it, though, one thing I'd suggest being careful of is the "and then" problem when describing a scene.

Here's what I mean:

I beam at her. She smiles back. I trot up to her and put a paw on her leg to donate some of the stolen energy. The brown haired girl walks up to us and miserably hands Cynthia some slips of paper. Cynthia thanks her. The miserable lady walks away, but a mocha skinned woman walks up to us. Cynthia speedily picks me up so we can run from another battle.


Right now, it reads more like a script than a story.

To avoid this, one thing you can do is simply trim the descriptions. For example, "Cynthia thanks her," isn't really necessary. Alternatively, you can simply make it longer and flesh it out more. If you did that, "Cynthia thanks her" could become something like, "'Thank you,' Cynthia said as the miserably lady walked away."

You also have to be careful about punctuation in places. The last sentence, for example, ends with a comma instead of a period. A quick proofreading should catch most of the errors. Just as a quick tip, one thing I like to do is read the story aloud to myself. That forces me to slow down, allowing me to catch errors that I might have missed otherwise.

Anyways, I thought this was a good chapter. Keep writing!

Thank you. It's not pokemon fanfiction, but I was hoping to give the ideals of Pokemon. :3

I know this is going to sounds weird. But this remionds me alot of pokemon. Good job sofar. I enjoy reading. I hope you keep up the amazing work. This way I can read more and more in the future. :)



I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities.
— Dr. Seuss