Squirming worms
Squirming worms of dread
of deepest desires
and unfinished threads
of words you thought had been finished
until you heard the whispers of them again.
Walls have marks of the things
sliding up and down
until their silky bodies fall
and writhe on the ground.
You asked yourself if it was your fault
that the worms had not been killed
but you remember all the feelings,
how they made you want to keel.
Squirming worms of dread,
on the walls and in my head.
~
Thank you for reading! If you would like to see more, check out my blog Sammicakes. Hope you all are staying safe
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Hello raesvaughn, I'm here to review your poem!
The subject of this poem is unique which makes it a very refreshing read! I don't believe I've read any poem specifically about worms, and certainly not worms of dread. The decision to embody dread as worms meant that you can use a lot of wonderful (and slightly horrifying - but still wonderful) imagery throughout the poem.
This stanza especially uses some beautifully disgusting imagery. I honestly feel like you could perhaps slot this poem under "horror" for genre? If you feel like that's where this poem is going, and I certainly feel like it is, I would honestly suggest you to get more graphic with the worms/dread imagery. I feel like this is the sort of poem where you could freak the reader out (in a good way). That's really just a personal opinion but if I were you, I'd crank up the gross imagery. (But feel free to ignore this if that isn't where you're trying to go with the poem.)
You've also got some lovely and natural rhyming going on, however the pattern isn't very consistent.
As you can see, there are only three instances where you use rhyming and they're scattered pretty randomly throughout the poem. I would personally recommend trying to make the rhyming scheme more consistent, but that's up to you.
Overall, I really enjoyed the subject of this poem and the imagery you use to convey a picture to the reader. It's a very short, easy, and refreshing read and I hope to see more of these poems from you!
That's it for my review, I hope it was helpful. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
Keep writing!
whatchamacallit
thank you for the suggestions, my rhyming was all over the place! I think I wanted this poem to be more introspective and reflective rather than scary, but that's interesting a lot of people are seeing it as horror. thank you again for the review !
Hello! I'm saw your poem lurking in the Green Room, so I thought I'd try my hand at reviewing it.
I admit I'm not sure how the gif at the very top of the poem relates to the content of the poem; if I was on a different browser, I would search it to get some context. But, since I'm not, the most I can say about it is how it perfectly fits the mood your piece. While this poem is tagged under dramatic and literature, it has a very strong horror vibe to it. The dark tones and the ominous leaning in the gif compliment that vibe perfectly.
Now, onto the poem itself!
From the title, I wasn't sure what to expect. I'm the type of girl who grew up playing with worms in the mood; they have a good connotation in my head. However, all it took was reading the first line for that image of cute earthworms digging in the moist soil to be replaced by, as you so perfectly put it, "squirming worms of dread".
Your imagery is amazing, and the flow of the poem is pretty strong, too. @myjaspercat already did a great job in her review with analyzing the grammatical weaknesses of your poem, so I'll avoid bringing those up in mine. I will bring up the change in perspective, however, because I really wanted to comment on it after seeing your reply to myjaspercat's review.
One of the things that I love about using second person in poetry is that it pulls you into the narrative. Even though the "you" usually refers to the speaker/writer of the poem, rather than an audience, it has a knack for twisting my emotions. This poem was no exception to that. I was so caught up in the dread you described that I didn't even notice the POV switch. Now that it's been pointed out, I love it. I love how it implies that the speaker was talking to themselves all along, rather than the audience the reader is part of. It implies that the dread was just strong enough for the speaker to want distance themselves from it, only to accept that the worms belong to them at the very end of the poem.
Overall, I really love this poem! It's a chilling piece - which isn't something I usually say about poetry. I hope it ends up in the literary spotlight soon!
yes, that's exactly what I was going for with the POV switch, you nailed it! the gif is from a movie called the goldfinch, and I was inspired by it's main character Theo to write this poem. he's a very regretful character filled with dread and guilt, and I knew I could channel his thoughts through my own. glad you enjoyed it!!
Oooh, I think I've heard of that film! Poems inspired by characters are the best.
It's so wonderful! great job
thank you !
This piece does a fantastic job balancing the physical with the mental, and the struggle which ensues.
I loved it, and hope to see more amazing poetry.
thank you so much !! I really appreciate the support
)
Honestly I really liked this piece. Overall there isn't much wrong with it besides personal preferences which you are more then welcomed to ignore if you so choose. I would suggest breaking up this piece into multiple stanzas ( breaking it down when you start a new sentence.) With the current way you have it written it would help the flow of it a bit. But if you want to keep it in the same formatting then I would suggest adding a bit more punctuation in it. I did mention a few places where extra punctuation would be great so I'm not going to go into it. Other than that good job. If you have any questions please feel free to ask. Good luck and continue writing.
thank you for taking the time to write this for me. I think some of it is just how I wanted it to be interpreted, like switching to first person at the end, but I understand the grammatical complaints. Thank you for your help!