alone

Kenpachi Masamune wrote:If it was poetic then this would be good, it just lamenting prose that is unrefined being called a poem. This sounds almost disturbingly familiar to generic cries for help or love, pity parties are not something that most people like and identify to. Poems are not supposed to make you feel pity for the author's relationship status. Be a bard and take yourself out of the work, instead be the medium for the art.


Corey:
It's not a poem and 'teh' is not a good way to write about your support of it. 'Book by its cover' doesn't apply in the least, this is the full thing. Some faulty logic there, but oh well.

i'm alone and i don't want to be. [so what are you gonna do about it?] i hate it. i'm alone and i want to go home. [well that's nice for you...] I hate my life more than you can even begin to think. some times i think bad things. i'm not going to tell you want kind of bad things i will let your mind wonder. [ahh, the one chance you had to describe something and naturally you didn't] I'm alone in my on little word and some times I think if screen know one will here me.[what?] Crying or Very sad [<--PLEASE no smilies] I think about it all the time over and over it just want leave and I am afriad that I will be alone for the rest of my life. ALONE FOR EVER. [AND EVER??? Note: all caps does not a dramatic ending make]

Hate to be harsh, but come on. I could find this in such classics as Chicken Soup for the Emo Soul. I want you to think about your poem next time. First and foremost, you should ask yourself: What connections can I make with my reader? What should my reader feel when they read my poem? What should they think about? What will they take away from my poem?

Imagery. Details. Structure. All things you must include for it to be at all poetic. I know I was really tough in this post, but I really do want you to give this another go. Just try and use your next poem to make a connection, instead of simply saying "woe is me" over and over again. Good luck in the future and don't let my harshness discourage you!

nice one...i like it... it represents people like me with family and friend problems

keep it up,

banana_baby_16

It isn't bad but I wouldn't say it is amazing. As others have been saying, don't use smiley's, but on the other hand I do think it's okay to use lower case letters.

Good Job:)

Zalex

Maybe if you put this in stanzas it would be a poem. It's nice but use capital letters and correct punctuation marks.

If it was poetic then this would be good, it just lamenting prose that is unrefined being called a poem. This sounds almost disturbingly familiar to generic cries for help or love, pity parties are not something that most people like and identify to. Poems are not supposed to make you feel pity for the author's relationship status. Be a bard and take yourself out of the work, instead be the medium for the art.


Corey:
It's not a poem and 'teh' is not a good way to write about your support of it. 'Book by its cover' doesn't apply in the least, this is the full thing. Some faulty logic there, but oh well.

alright. prior viewers might not have liked it, but i think it has good meaning to it. granted, it doesn't have the structure a poem needs, but who cares. i dont. i think it is teh meaning, not teh looks, that count. dont judge a book by its cover. i liked it, good work.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

This is in the structure of a poem! Don't you understand? A poem could be everything, EVERYTHING. It could be one word; it could be a breakless paragraph; it could even be an entire saga without breaks. A poem is not as the reader interprets it, it's as the writer interprets it. It could be capitalless, and it could be without correcting spelling of punctuation. I mean, think of EECummings. (Although smilies are too much.)

Anyway, overall as a poem, this did not strike a good note at all. If you want to make this poem work, you need to have an event to describe what you mean by ALONE FOREVER, or else your reader would be stuck here, not feeling alone, and not really caring either.


Basically, you need to delete about all of it and start using better vocab, better imagery. Otherwise, this is garbage.

Yeah, it's really repitious and it's not much of a poem. It'd need to be longer, have more details, be in poem form, and it'd need some editing too. 0(o.o)0

pumpkin_pie101,


No.

If you're worried about being alone, this certainly isn't going to make anybody care. Making blanket statements about how much your life sucks and how you hate your life makes a poem about as well as a head of cabbage makes bacon--you can call it bacon if you want, but it's a head of cabbage by any other name.


Best,
Brad

Oof, structure, remeber?

Rememebr to capitalise your "I's" as this gives your poem a more professional look. I didn't particularly like the repitition that Snoink mentions; I found it to be boring and it just didn't work in your favour. Also, perhaps instead of using caital letters to emphasise a point, why not use italics. This looks a lot more professional and shows the urgency a little more.

Needs a lot of tweaking but a nice idea, if not a little depressing.
Ginge

This is a incredibly repetitious poem. It repeats the same idea again and again, slamming the message mercilessly in the reader's face. Try coming up with a specific event to describe the loneliness instead of just saying, "I'm alone." And never censor yourself... we want to know what the thoughts are.

And no smilies in your literary stuff!

I'm afraid I have to contradict Alainna on one thing: you need not begin lines with Capital Letters in a poem. You can, of course, but it's perfectly acceptable in literary circles today to begin lines--whether all or just some--with lowercase letters.

I do however agree with her that this isn't a poem. What it needs to make it a poem? Well, if all you want is for the unwashed masses to recognize it as such, all you really have to do are throw in linebreaks.

If you're unfamiliar
with that terminology,
this sentence is written
with linebreaks.

See how it has that poemy look? Yes, well. It's still not a poem. A poem requires imagery and thought, among other things. It's the poet's duty to say what he or she wants--and note, this should also be of benefit or at least interest to the reader--in a vivid way that captures the attention. Care of word-choice, attention to rhythm and (if you like) rhyme, and a fresh take on something familiar should also be implemented, if possible.

Good luck!

This isn't a poem. It contains no structure, very little grammar and probably belongs in a blog rather than on here.

Please remember to use:
Capital letters.
Correct spelling of words.
Full words.
Punctuation.
Italics instead of caps.
No smilies.

Please refer to the rules / guide if you unsure of anything.

Alainna
xx