Hello!! this is the next part of the story i never finished writing, I'll continue posting what I have of it,which is not much. So please comment, review,check please.
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It was 7:00 o clock in the morning and the sun shone through the beautiful crystal windows in the living room. The ocean looked spectacular, the sun rays hit the small waves and the orange colour of its rays made it look magical. It appeared as if the house was in the middle of an island in a fairytale, an unreachable fantasy for human beings.
Everyone was starting to wake up and the house was starting to get noisy.Today was the first day of vacations and the first day of their new life, so they had to start finding what to do. But there was this one room were everything was still silent, Alyssa’s room. She hadn’t wake up. She never did, someone had to go and wake her up, and that was an annoying task for whoever had to do it, because she was the crankiest person in the whole family. But today, it was little Jennie's turn to wake up the sleeping dragon.
“Hey, sleeping tick, Wake up” called Jennie, but there was no answer.
“Alyssa, wake up. OH, Gosh” But there was still no answer.
“Ok then,” she paused “I didn’t want to do it, But you made me” She grabbed the glass of ice cold
water that she was drinking and threw it to Alyssa’s face . Now, there was an immediate reaction.
“What the… What’s wrong with you?” She yelled, Jennie's big hazel eyes popped open. When someone woke her up she was like a volcano about to explode, but today, the volcano did explode and it was worse than the Vesuvius.
Alyssa finally came downstairs with a little more peaceful and controlled mood. But that was just on the outside
"You'll pay for that" Alyssa said to Jennie with a gleeful smile on her face when she arrived to the kitchen.
Everyone was eating and preparing themselves for a busy day. Tiffany wasn't home,so Alyssa supposed she was already off to the cheerleading tryouts. Jennie was still in shock while Alex was tuning his Fender guitar. Alyssa stared at each of them with unimpressed eyes, just showing a little bit of interest in the guitar.
After a few moments Mr and Mrs Ross began distributing tasks.
"Jennie" called mom "Today we are going to go looking for a place where you can practice.ok?" She finished with Jennie and then turned to Alex "Alex, dear I need you to go to visit the university please." Alex stared at her and just nodded.
"It's about time Alex and you know it. you've spent enough time in California" said Mrs Ross, changing her gaze from Alex to Alyssa.
"Alyssa you're coming with Jennie and me. We're going to visit the school you'll be attending"
"What?!, NO!" she cried out.
"Don't start Alyssa, just go get ready,please "mom said to her ina calm voice "Before I loose my patience"
Great Alyssa thought. It wasn't in her plans but she knew she had to do it, she had no choice. and once everyone was finished eating they left for a new and busy day.
The day was finally coming to an end, when she came back and the whole family was gathering around the table to grab their dinner. The night was dark and chilly, unfamiliar weather in a town like south beach. The wind was blowing hard and the leaves of the huge oak tree hit the windows of the upper floor. Down in the dining room, the temperature was warm and the house felt cozy. The whole family was tired of the irksome day they had, everyone was quiet and thoughtful. Tiffany didn’t come down to eat, she was too tired, and the tryouts for the cheerleading squad were awfully hard. Jennie was just disappointed because she didn’t find a place where she could practice her almost perfect gymnastics. Alyssa, on the other hand, just had pain; her class wasn’t as easy as she thought it would be. But above all the pain and disappointment, that’s the kind of dinner she liked to have; she liked the kind of dinner in which no one talked nor asked her or her siblings about their disastrous teenage life or their misadventures at school. If someone wanted to annoy them, they just had to ask them of their day.
Once she was finished eating, she went up to her room. She took off her dirty clothes and went to take a shower. When the shower was finished, she put on her nightgown and went to her bed to try to find some sleep. Sometimes, very late at night, Alyssa woke up, and sat on the edge of her window to stare at the dark night sky or just to cry for everything that happened to her. But today she couldn’t stop thinking about how nice was her life back in Arizona. She remembered her friends, her old school, her ballet class and her comfortable house. It may have not been as big as this one, but she was born and raised there; her friends were from Arizona, and she was not an outgoing person, she had friends back at home because they talked to her first. She couldn’t stand thinking about having to make new friends and starting high school in a new school where she knew nobody. The night slowly passed until she fell deeply asleep thinking and remembering.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
When giving time, it should look like this: Eight o' clock. I believe. Or if you like, lose the 'o clock' and leave 7:00.
You used the wrong "were," the one you're looking for is where.
Why did you capitalize wake? You don't need to.
After paused, put a period.
No need for the now comma. It's fine without it.
You forgot a period.
After that put a comma.
Forgot a space between home and so.
Both Mr and Mrs should have periods after them. They're short for longer words.
Comma after Jennie, period after mom. Oh and capitalize mom- if you can put a name instead of mom and if it makes sense, then mom or dad or whatever family wise name should be capitalized. Space after practice, and capitalize the O! It's a new sentence thing.
Capitzlize you've and put a comma after California. Period after Mrs.
Comma after Alyssa.
Instead of using a question mark AND an exclamation, try just the explanation.
Space after ready, comma after please. Capitalize mom and separate ina. Your looking for lose, not loose as in tie that loose shoelace.
Comma after Alyssa. Capitzlize and.
This doesn't make sense. Try it like this: The day was finally coming to an end when she came back. The whole family was already gathering around the table to grab their dinner.
South Beach is a place in your story, you need to capitalize it.
Lose the had and comma and add a because.
Comma after ballet class.
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So, you probably think I'm a comma freak now, but whatever, they're where they need to be xD Overall, this is a nice piece. I'd like to see you continue this!