Squirrel!

Hey sister! It's fun to read it out loud! Kiddish!

As i'm here for a review, i better go straight to it. Otherwise i will forget why i am here and leave XD

Well, i know squirrels are unavailable in Bangladesh, (You can still find it if you really really want) not like the old times *sighs* I remember growing up by listening to a poem of Kazi Nazrul and that's probably the time when i got myself introduced to squirrels!

First off, i miss stanzas in this work! And, the entire poem is a conversation so the usage of quotation marks would've been helpful, don't you think?

These are the ones i loved most!

Have we met?

-Yes, in the rain,

What is the place?

-Heart of grain.

Hey there, you requested a review for this poem almost ten days ago. I apologize for my late reply but I've been too occupied to get down to review.

Okay, so - as in your previous poem, you've written about nature here as well. Is it true that squirrels are now extinct in Bangladesh? If that's true, then it's really unfortunate. But I'm solely here to tell you my thoughts about the poem: The content seems nice - a conversation with a squirrel, but I don't think the dialogue between the narrator and the squirrel does justice to it. I honestly did not understand the poem in its entirety. Is this a translation? I mean, from some other language to English?

Hey just want to say that your Poem was awesome loved the whole idea of it especially the ending I loved how it was just a real light read and loved the stlye of your poem as well can't wait to read more of your work

Hello.
Kanome here with review.

Okay, this poem is very interesting, but it lacks the expression it needs.
I couldn't really follow through about what the whole poem was about. It needs to be clear for your readers to understand.

Also, in order to keep track of the poem, I suggest spacing for each stanza.

I didn't understand the dialogue in the poem very well, either...

"Heart of Grain"
"Yes you lost the bell"

What all do this mean? You need to elaborate more.

This poem is great overall, it just needs the following:

1. Expression
2. Elaborate
3. Clear understanding to your readers.

Keep up the great work.
I can't wait to read more. I really hope my review is useful for you to understand.

Good luck!

Kanome

Heyyy, signing in for a review.

Okay so, your poem was good but not expressive. It was more like a chat, not a poem. You could use some strong metaphors and maybe personify it a bit more.

Your rhyme scheme isn't so perfect, you see, pronunciation matters more than spellings, but well, most poets still use spellings as a weapon.

I understood the poem, maybe because I read a lot, for others who don't, and who're not on yws, they prolly won't. Because you need to add more content on this and add some magic of effective words.

Sorry for being rude, I'm not so good at poetry myself, but I reviewed on a fair basis I guess.

Keep writing.

Hi Rose here for a review...

First of all it was a great poem. Like Augustus you could have separated it into 4 stanzas. There is some things that did not make sense, but the other people have pointed it out. Like I said really great message, but not the best format.

Keep Writing!!!

~Rose

Heya!
Augustus here for the review, as requested.
Firstly, I think the topic you have chosen is good. To write a poem about the environment protection with reference to 'squirrel' is quite attractive.

Now, time for some nitpicking:

1. I guess you have some problem in separating the stanzas. I am quite sure that, this poem could be separated in 4 stanzas.

2. I found that the pattern of the poem was quite confusing. Like in the following part of your poem:

"Your best sand

I used to fly

On your hand!"

I was not able to crack, what you actually wanted to say.
For future works, though it is important to keep the reader thinking about the meaning of your words, you cannot leave him entirely clueless. We want to know a little bit of what is going on in your writing.

3. Along with that, I felt a general discord in your tenses. Like here:

"Dancing with mood!"

This sentence sounds quite odd.
Maybe "Dancing in mood" or more precisely "Dancing in the mood" sounds better.

4. At some places in your poem, there were no punctuation marks. For your future writings, I think you should focus over this thing also.
Like, in the last stanza:

"I'm keeping a verse

For a lonely wood,

Where is the squirrel

Dancing with mood!"

You left the reader clueless like, whether it is a question or not?

5. So, after dissecting your entire poem, I have got one important thing to tell. The thing is that, you have got the imagination but when it came to express your idea through words, you have some difficulty in doing that. So, my ultimate advice would be that, you should focus over the language first.

Good luck for future work and Goodbye for now.
Augustus.


P.S : My laptop is showing some problem. So, if there's some spelling mistake or something, you better just ignore it.

WOW...

I am sure you are waiting a review. Well, I am here for one. I am gonna start off writing a proper review because when I start, I tend not to stop so soon. Anyway, just to let you know that whatever I am about to say is what I, personally, think should be improved in the poem; you, or others, may not think the way I do.

The first thing which I didn't like about this poem was that there were no stanzas at all. I shall not consider this your mistake but rather this site's. Why? Because, I am assuming that you don't know how to edit it. Well, to make stanzas, press the "shift" button along with the "enter" button and say "Abrakadabra". See? You got the stanzas and a proper format! I hope to see this improvement in your next piece of writing.

Other than that, the sentences seemed kinda short to me! I really would have wished to see slight longer sentences than this one.

In your odd sentences, like the first and the third one, you should have included "and". It would help readers read the poem smoothly.

Some nitpicks:

-Yes you lost the bell.

Where is the squirrel

Dancing with mood!

Hi there! I really like this poem. It is complex and not complex all at the same time. Okay, I'll slow down a little and explain what i mean. Sorry if I jump around a lot, I guess that kinda mirrors the way I am, but this isn't about me, this is about you, so I'll stop rambling now. Anyway, like the person who reviewed before me said, this is a really nice and complex piece. In some places you feel like you are getting what is going on and other times it is really hard to get what the meaning is. Personally, I can't really think of any way for you to improve this work, I am just complimenting you on what an overwhelmingly good piece this is. Especially the rhyme scheme. It seems kinda random in some places but it fits in really nice, and I guess this might sound a little weird, but it just feels nice, you know, when you read it and it all just rolls off of your tongue. It just sounds nice, reads nice, and has a good meaning. A five star work all around.

Hi there! *waves* I'm catmuffin. You can call me cat, catmuff or muffy.

Hmm... This poem is really hard to crack. Does it have a deep symbolic meaning or is there something it lacks. Does it say about life or how you feel. Does it say about madness or things that aren't real?

Haha okay I'll stop with the rhyming. But really I don't know what to say. Your poem made me laugh a little and I don't know why. It just has that innocence that makes me smile. There's probably a really deep meaning behind this and I'm so down to figuring it out but I can't really seem to crack the code.

All in all this was simple but creative and really cute. Keep on writing ^^