Young Writers Society

Hey there, prithamrittika! IronSpark here to review your awesome poem. First off, let me remind you that in this review, I'll be focusing on traditional grammatical rules. If you chose one of these to enhance the poetic image, just tell me. Or ignore me.

Let's get started!

So... on style. I do feel like the lack of traditional grammar in this took away from it, as I had to pause at certain moments and look back at what I was reading. But I also understand that this isn't your first language, and I think you did an excellent job. Just for your benefit, though, I'll insert this poem with traditional grammar/punctuation:

"The sky is red.
Dancing clouds -
I'm collecting leaves.

Oh! Spring, come to my hand,
come to the soil!
I'm waiting for the sound,
and cuckoos are flying.

Oh! Spring, come to my hand,
I'm waiting for the colors -
dancing with feathers..."

Now, of course the punctuation is up to you. I just wanted to add my two cents there. I think this is pretty solid, style wise. There's one line that I think especially disrupts the flow of the poem, and I want to point it out quickly. What did you mean by "I'm waiting for the sound"? I couldn't seem to find context for that. Other than that, I would like to request that you add "Oh! Spring, come to my hand" before each stanza (or every 3 or 4 lines - your choice). The repetition is the strongest part of the poem, I think, and you would greatly gain by adding at least one other usage of that.

Content-wise, there were some pretty generic images in here. But I think that you had a lot of original content, and I enjoyed it. Keep writing!

IronSpark

Hey prithamrittika. Autumns here with my thoughts-

So let's delve in, line by line.

The sky is red

Dancing clouds

Im collecting leaves

Oh! Spring come to my hand

I'm waiting for the sound

Cuckoos are flying

Oh! Spring come to my hand

I'm waiting the colors

Dancing with feathers.....

Hello, here is your review as requested.

A cute, short poem! I like the idea of dancing clouds as it creates an interesting yet clear image in my head. However I would suggest linking it to the first line a little smoother as the poem is a little jumpy. I would also suggest more punctuation and to not capitalise every line since it is not needed. To make the poem interactive as possible for the reader, try including a few more similies and metaphors - this will make the reader think and imagine so they stay interested the whole time. Another alteration would be not to repeat lines since it does not fit in the poem.

Apart from that, I liked it!

That's all from me,
Godly

I dislike the first part, im sorry, but why is the sky red? The sky is almost never red except at sunsets, but then the clouds wouldn't be "dancing" because the sun would set to quickly, unless it was storming. but then you wouldnt be outside. The rest of it is nice. The leaves part would fit better in a poem about fall, I feel.
"I'm waiting the colors" I dont understand. did you mean waiting FOR the colors? That would make more sense.
The ellipsis at the end is nice, and the "Dancing with feathers" part is nice too.
Its pretty good.

Very nice--short and sweet. My favorite part about this was the imagery. However, I feel as if you could have been more expansive with it. The first two lines are great, and then it peters off. More imagery, I demand more imagery! You're great at it, and I want more.

Little nitpick here:

Im collecting leaves

I'm waiting the colors

Dancing with feathers.....

Heya, welcome to YWS! Chrissy here for a review!

This is your first work, isn't it? Good job. It's kinda short, so this review will be a little short. I'm not too good at poetry, but I will do do my best.

The sky is red

Dancing clouds

I'm collecting leaves.

Oh! Spring come to my hand!

Come to the soil,

I'm waiting for the sound.

Cuckoos are flying.

Oh! Spring come to my hand!

I'm waiting the colors,

Dancing with feathers.....

Beautiful

Nice one. I really like the mood of this poem! It's short and sweet and actually transports you into its world! Well done!

Edit: Sorry for the double post!