It leaves me with a bitterly taste
That's all I have with me and my misery
Some ups but mostly downs
It just comes in circles round and round
It's a lonely life
Wondering when I'll pick up the knife
At first, they all care- so sweet and nice
In the end, for luck I roll my dice
People stop caring
Start leaving no wondering
It's just me and my misery
Together we are complete
The dark cloud above my head
My only friend
And I start to wonder
How did I get into this blunder?
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140,766 Literary Works • 673,687 Reviews
Hi
Short and simple, but nevertheless dramatic with a bold theme!
The content of your poem is easy to relate with and I can assume that when creating it you poured your heart and soul into it!
The structure is nice, making it an easy read. There's no complex vocabulary, yet the imagery is quite vivid.
Also, I like how at the end you compare "misery" to an "only friend" , as it provokes thought, especially since the ones going through a rough patch are often just left to their sadness.
Fantastic work, completely realistic and human, it leaves you with questions you ask yourself.
Hi!
Yazi here to review
I'm going to start by giving you feedback on the poem in general then I will start the nitpick.
First of all I'd like to say that I enjoy the theme of your poem, and I think that it is relatable to a lot of people out there.
As far as the rhyme scheme goes, I was kind of surprised that there was an obvious rhyme scheme in some instances but in other parts there weren't. Though it is an unorthodox form of writing, I am not one that believes that there is a set way to write a poem, and kudos to you for writing something the way you thought was most fitting.
However, still looking at the rhyme scheme, I think you try too hard to make some parts rhyme, and as a result the words or lines didn't really fit with the poem overall. For example, at the end of the poem you use the word "blunder". This word doesn't really fit into the context of the poem, because a blunder is a careless mistake and I'm not sure that it necessarily what you wanted to express.
Those are my few notes, I hope it helps for future!
Happy writing!
Prati thats just amazyn and that truly describe the life of a wimpy teen particularly the girl that lives next door to me. I love the way the phrases 'Wondering............nice' combines together. Wish you good-luck and goodbye.