Sorry for not being too consistent on this forum. This is a little poem i wrote and will like you to have a look. I sincerely need your critique.
The silver cord
Has been loosed,
And the golden pot
Shattered.
The soul of intensity
Has given way to
Feigned strenght,
And the heart is dead.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,624 Literary Works • 673,566 Reviews
The last line is haunting and believe it or not it sticks with you.
I wish i could say the same for the rest
Hey praisejoe!
Hmmmmmmm... To be quite frank, I don't understand what you mean by this poem at all...
Could you Send me a private message explaining what this poem means? If you do, then I shall come back and critique it at once.
I'm kind of thinking this is a suicide poem, but then I'm not sure what the golden pot is. Strings, or in this case, silver cords, are often a metaphor for life - but a pot? So you lost me there. "The soul of intensity" is really strange to say. What kind of in tensity, why, and why does this matter? How did it give way to fake strength, and what caused it to? Why is the heart dead?
I think it's a great beginning to a poem, but it's too vague right now for me to completely grasp the idea or feel along with it. The silver cord is a great idea, and easy for me to catch on to, but the rest of it was kind of confusing. It's also incredebly short. Think of it, poetry is short as it is. The shorter the poem, the better every word has to be so you can clearly get your idea across.
I hope this helps! If you have any questions feel free to message me, and best of luck!
[quote="praisejoe"]
The silver cord
Has been loosed,
And the golden pot
Shattered.
The soul of intensity
Has given way to
Feigned strenght,
And the heart is dead.[/quote]
(Try this)
The silver cord, so cold;
but yet loosend.
The golden pot,
falls, shattered.
The soul of intensity,
has given this way to;
fight, live.
But, it is too late.
The heart is dead
Hello praisejoe, Max here, it's a great poem, if I actually knew what you were talking about, you should add a little detail to it, I coudln't find much wrong with it. So like yeah, ummm I think this is pretty good but you shoould add a little bit more it's just a paragraph, think of me as the reader.
1. I have no idea what your talking about.
2.You want to make me want to read MORE of your work instead of me saying, "I want the last 3 minutes of my life back." And so on and so fourth.
Anyways, sorry I just tore up your poem, it's for the best I can only hope. Any questions or comments, go ahead and PM me. Good luck and keep writing.
-Max