The Little Girl

"
A girl was splashing and stomping in the puddles as she walked to her school for the first time
She saw another girl, her age
The other girl looked happy, but uncertain
Maybe it was also her first day of school, too

The young women walked up to a tall glossy building where she was going to have her first job interview
She saw another young woman, her age
The other young women looked nervous, but determined
Her first tackle at the world by herself; without help"
I like this a lot !!

I simply adore this! Showing the passing time is just so...original! I've never seen a poem like this, and I love it

I love how this shows the passing of time, and it flows together smoothly. I love the whole thing! And how the end, reflects on the beginning of the poem, and how every thing relates in a way. And I really love this part,"The women walked down an isle where her father waited at the end, ready to let her go
Something borrowed, something blue
She looked in the mirror at the side of the chapel
She smiled
She remembered seeing herself
In the pond
In the puddle
In the glossy window
Little girl—no more"
Amazing, great job.

It is very well thought out. I liked the last part:
"She looked in the mirror at the side of the chapel
She smiled
She remembered seeing herself
In the pond
In the puddle
In the glossy window
Little girl—no more"
There are some parts that don't flow too well, so you might want to look at that. Over all I would say it's pretty good and very unique. Well done!

P.S. This is my first review

This was very interesting. First off, I love how you wrote it.

For me, though, the sentences seemed a bit awkward. Prime example here being: "The other child’s clothes were grubby with play, but her face was beaming with happiness
Her face looked innocent, and that she looked like she still had a lot to learn"

First off, there's a little grammar mistake (you forgot the period). I'm sure it's just a typo. But in the first line, the 'but her face was beaming with happiness' seems a bit... unnecessary. The sentence could do with a little tweaking... play with the words a little bit. Now in the second line, the word 'looked' was a bit too redundant. I think it could do without using it a second time.

For example, rewritten (playing with the words, taking things out, being edited, etc), it looks a bit more like this:

"The other child’s clothes were grubby with play, yet her face shone with joy.
She looked innocent, with the impression that she still had much to learn."

In the third ( and fourth) stanza, you put 'women' instead of 'woman'. Another typo, I'm sure.

Overall, this was a fairly great poem. I loved it (and errors aside) it was a very enjoyable, great piece of writing. I loved the theme, the idea. It was just so heart-warming, and it could really touch the reader. Wonderful job, and keep writing!

~Bandit

This piece is great. I thought the end especially was very well typed:


"She looked in the mirror at the side of the chapel
She smiled
She remembered seeing herself
In the pond
In the puddle
In the glossy window
Little girl—no more"


Another great part I enjoyed was how you gave two stories that complimented one another very well.


Comparing the two girls at two different stages. The interesting part was that, that particular sequence could be perceived as one to even four individual people!


Great work


Thank you for the pleasant read and review.

It could use some more detail through out it though.

Other than that I loved it! Write more

This peice is great. I thought the end especialy was very well written

She looked in the mirror at the side of the chapel
She smiled
She remembered seeing herself
In the pond
In the puddle
In the glossy window
Little girl—no more

Also, a great part I enjoyed was how you gave two stories that complimented one another well.

Comparing the two girls at two different stages. The interesting part was that, that particular sequence could be perceived as two to even 4 individuals

Brilliant work
Thank you for the pleasant read.

I love, love, love this poem! Though the lines are a bit long... I like how the fact that the girl had seen herself throughtout her life was not revealed until the stanza. I loved how when showing different stages of life, they captured signifigant moments of the human life. It was cute, and kinda like a story, but overall i liked this poem. Keep writing!

~PeaceLuvPoems >_< ♥

Hi Poemlovr!

So, I'm just going to go through a small review since I'm on a reviewing spree. I found this poem a little tacky (in the sense, a sort cute colorful way.), cute/adorable and sort of like in a story form. Obviously, every poem has a story behind it but like its not written like a poem format. Its more like a novel format.

Like this line:-

poemlovr wrote:A girl was splashing and stomping in the puddles as she walked to her school for the first time
She saw another girl, her age
The other girl looked happy, but uncertain
Maybe it was also her first day of school, too

poemlovr wrote:The young women walked up to a tall glossy building where she was going to have her first job interview
She saw another young woman, her age
The other young women looked nervous, but determined
Her first tackle at the world by herself; without help

This is a very good poem and shows how time passes and how we, as humans, change because of that. It's a nice way of saying that all you have done is gone and that there is still a lot more to come.
The phrasing is nice and the lay out, I guess there could be more poetic devices if you wanted to get all deep and poetical but I like it nice and simple.
Great Job xx

It strikes me as a wonderful version of a visual timetable. It's like those moments when you look at how far it's been since that point yet it's exciting to know that you're there. To know you exist at this point in time and accept your past as done.
Imagery and "story" are good and phrasing is just as nice. Keep up the good work and I look forward to seeing more.

This definitely does capture some sort of sentimentality. The flow of the poem and the way it transitions is a little stilted, and I almost would've liked to see a little more depth in the stories of her different ages, but all the same, this was nicely-written and pleasant. I don't think I see this as being happy or sad but rather as being something that's painfully inevitable - as the other reviewer said, nostalgic. Which is a nice feeling, I think. So this might not be as complex or patterned as I like, but nonetheless, it's a lovely poem. I don't doubt that we'll be seeing it in the featured works section soon.

How quickly time does pass, and this poem encaptures it wonderfully. I like how you entwined the old wedding rhyme into as well. It seems almost storyline, without a certain meter or lyrical flow as traditional poetry. And it's a pleasant break. Keep writing like this, because it is the kind of thing that makes one wear a sad nostalgic smile.