Eleanora,
I write to you possibly the best news I will ever tell. I once again have run into Prince Arthur of Camelot along my journeying. He is now King of Camelot, as I’m sure you’ve been informed. But this time was not like the others. I have fulfilled my life goal. I have achieved the greatest honor I could have ever hoped for in my life and have become a knight of Camelot. I have already experienced the joys and pains of knighthood in my very short time of being one. I will be staying here for as long as I must, and I hope you will write to me now that I have somewhere I will be staying longer than a few days.
Merlin, Arthur’s servant, the one with magic, is more talented and noble than ever. He still receives no credit for his actions. He is reckless, yet manages to not be caught. He is proof that magic can be used for good, just as your parents were. I only wish he would reveal himself to Arthur, for I know Arthur would accept it, unlike Arthur. I know the grief that comes to you at the mention of sorcery, so I will say no more.
Camelot is a beautiful and thriving city. Once I returned, I had the same feeling I did the first time I came. It is a feeling of joyous bliss. The people are welcoming, and the atmosphere is exciting. My friends here make for a thrilling life, and my fellow knights are never dull.
I fear, dear Eleanora, that I have no more to say and no more time to say it. I hope you will write, and if you do, send your letter to Camelot’s castle. Perhaps you can even visit someday, though I know it is not an easy trek.
I wish you the best fortune,
Lancelot
End of chapter
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140,356 Literary Works • 673,122 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!!
First Impression: Okayy...so first of all, I have to say, little disclaimer, I don't quite know what this fandom is, I've heard this story in bits and pieces but I know nothing of the details, so I'll just look at this a regular work here cause it does seem like a pretty interesting letter at first glance.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay...well, that's a pretty good start to a letter as far as those things go...certainly appears to be getting right into the important stuff there at any rate, and it looks like a person that's quite happy with where they're at there. You can certainly tell this is a letter that's written by someone that's quite happy with where they are currently at. And hmm, well lemme try and see what else I can decipher from this thing.
Hmm, well that's an interesting little side note about magic there, now I'm not too familiar with the fandom that this is a fanfic of, so I assume perhaps there's more to this whole magic ordeal that I don't quite know, but approaching it as just a normal story, this is certainly a very exciting exchange regarding magic where it appears someone is doing some crazy things using magic but is hiding it from the rest of the world somehow, and this is probably because magic generally has a bad reputation somehow. Well, it certainly creates and intriguing world here.
Hmm, well that certainly seems like it is a pretty cool city, and the little that I have heard of this as far as legends go seem to reflect that too, so I'm guessing this is just a continuation of that same thing. I do like how he mentions his friends and his fellow knights too, as said earlier in the later he's someone who doesn't stay in place for long so the fact that he's made friends is enough to show that he truly cares about the place. And well, this letter has been pretty cool so far.
Okay....no more to say indicates there's nothing to say, so I am wondering why this person says they have nothing to say cause if there's nothing to say in the first place, how is the lack of time relevant...anyway, that little piece of confusion aside seems like a decent ending there by throwing an invite to this other person to come visit them and then warning them of it being a long trek. Certainly a decent ending here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, a pretty solid letter here. I did like it. I only had the one tiny issue there but otherwise, this was a pretty awesome piece here. At any rate, that's about all I've gotta see here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hello, steampowered here for a review! I don’t think I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading a Merlin fanfiction, despite the fact I’m a massive fan of the BBC’s Merlin (I was so upset when it ended… it felt like my childhood was in ruins) Anyway, onto the process of reviewing.
I don’t think I’ve ever read a fanfiction letter, come to think of it. This was a really interesting way to write it, and you’ve focused in on Lancelot, who isn’t that major a character, so it’s refreshing to get an unusual viewpoint. I’m going to assume you’re completely familiar with the Merlin universe, to the extent where this review may contain spoilers. You have been warned!
Camelot is a beautiful and thriving city. Once I returned, I had the same feeling I did the first time I came. It is a feeling of joyous bliss. The people are welcoming, and the atmosphere is exciting. My friends here make for a thrilling life, and my fellow knights are never dull.
This was the only bit of the letter I didn’t really like. It feels a bit cliché and a bit forced, like Lancelot isn’t really enjoying himself in Camelot. It seems to me to be like the equivalent of a cheesy grin for the camera when you really, really don’t feel like smiling. I’d perhaps alter this, to make it more original. What’s happened to Lancelot recently? Maybe you could go into more detail about what the king is like, or what it’s like being a knight. What I think would be quite creative would be if you were to make up some amusing anecdote preferably something that involves Merlin calling Arthur a clot poll but that’s just me.
Also, what about Gwen? I’m not sure exactly when this is set (like which series) but maybe he could hint in his letter. Unless of course Lancelot is supposed to be in love with Eleanora…
Onto a couple of nitpicks:
Merlin, Arthur’s servant, the one with magic, is more talented and noble than ever.
Maybe this could be rephrased. For example, how about “Merlin, Arthur’s servant, is more talented and noble than ever. I think I mentioned him in my last letter to you – he’s the young warlock who’s helped me in the past” or something like that?
I only wish he would reveal himself to Arthur, for I know Arthur would accept it, unlike Arthur.
I’m sure that in the final instance, you mean to say Uther and not Arthur. Otherwise, just replace it with “unlike his father”.
Other than that, awesome work and I would love to read more of your work. I can see you’re a big Merlin fan, so it looks like we have something in common there. Feel free to let me know if you do any more Merlin fanfics
Hello, steampowered here for a review! I don’t think I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading a Merlin fanfiction, despite the fact I’m a massive fan of the BBC’s Merlin (I was so upset when it ended… it felt like my childhood was in ruins) Anyway, onto the process of reviewing.
I don’t think I’ve ever read a fanfiction letter, come to think of it. This was a really interesting way to write it, and you’ve focused in on Lancelot, who isn’t that major a character, so it’s refreshing to get an unusual viewpoint. I’m going to assume you’re completely familiar with the Merlin universe, to the extent where this review may contain spoilers. You have been warned!
This was the only bit of the letter I didn’t really like. It feels a bit cliché and a bit forced, like Lancelot isn’t really enjoying himself in Camelot. It seems to me to be like the equivalent of a cheesy grin for the camera when you really, really don’t feel like smiling. I’d perhaps alter this, to make it more original. What’s happened to Lancelot recently? Maybe you could go into more detail about what the king is like, or what it’s like being a knight. What I think would be quite creative would be if you were to make up some amusing anecdote
preferably something that involves Merlin calling Arthur a clot pollbut that’s just me.Also, what about Gwen? I’m not sure exactly when this is set (like which series) but maybe he could hint in his letter. Unless of course Lancelot is supposed to be in love with Eleanora…
Onto a couple of nitpicks:
Maybe this could be rephrased. For example, how about “Merlin, Arthur’s servant, is more talented and noble than ever. I think I mentioned him in my last letter to you – he’s the young warlock who’s helped me in the past” or something like that?
I’m sure that in the final instance, you mean to say Uther and not Arthur. Otherwise, just replace it with “unlike his father”.
Other than that, awesome work and I would love to read more of your work. I can see you’re a big Merlin fan, so it looks like we have something in common there. Feel free to let me know if you do any more Merlin fanfics!
I adore how many Merlin fans there are on this site
I'm honored to make your acquaintance.
Thank you for the ideas; your advice really helped being that you know the show. I'm glad you told me what you did.
Yes... I meant Uther... thank you for pointing that out XD
-Deskreview -
I first off want to say what a cool idea it was to write a fictitious letter. An original concept (to me) and something that has a lot of potential.
My first gripe with this however is the level of intimacy. I struggle to understand the bond that these two characters share. Are they lovers? Relatives? Friends?
It seems as though the letter lacks personality. Lancelot is describing things in Camelot like a tourist pamphlet would, I feel the formality of the letter is obstructive to the emotion that could have been conveyed.
Apart from that, it is written fairly well. The sentences flow well and the nobility of his status is clearly conveyed through his diction.
Reiterating on the sentence that Stegosaurus pointed out,
"Arthur’s servant, the one with magic, is more talented and noble than ever."
Is the only obviously clumsy sentence. While I understand what Lancelot is trying to say, it makes less sense in writing as the author is able to refine what he is saying - it isn't a string of conscience. Something like "Arthur's servant, Merlin (the one with magic), is more talented..."
While this concept is interesting and has great potential, it seems you still have some growth to do in terms of capturing your audience.
Keep up the good work though, I look forward to read your future attempts!
Deskro
Thanks for your help. I know I struggle with showing, not telling, and with better explaining characters emotions.
It is a fanfiction, though, so that may have possibly caused some confusion, but I would like it to make sense to others who have not watched Merlin as well, obviously. Thanks for the tips!
Hello!
Stegosaurus here for a review!
I like this short letter- as it seems to be the first chapter of your novel. I don't know much about Merlin or anything but I quite like this! As knowing, this letter could be to the narrator's dearest love as he goes off into battle- and he knows he might die in battle. Also I enjoyed that Lancelot described Camelot as friendly and how he will miss it when he leaves.
I liked the character you have in here (even though it seems to be a fanfiction). But some things I like point out in this letter that are small or simple mistakes that could be edited when looked over again.
This seems a bit run off and some commas
which is the Oxford Commashould be removed. What I suggest would be this Merlin Arthur's servant, the one with magic, more talented and noble than anyone I know .. however, you could re-write it the way you can (it is up to you as you are the author).Mostly I feel like couldn't get into this letter- maybe it could be that I have no idea what Merlin is or something. But it is good overall, for a letter. I liked the characters and the diction of the narrator.
If you want me to clear something up, let me know! Also keep writing!
Steggy
Thank you! It is a fanfiction, and yes, it is some sort of forward to a "novel." Thanks for your support and help! I'll definitely switch up that sentence.