Published May 30, 2010
Her dreams have come true and she puts on her wedding dress made in smooth silk, her eyes are covered by a net veil and in her hands she holds a bouquet of flowers , Lillis for happiness , roses for eternal love and a single snowdrop flower for beauty. She takes the walk down the aisle and then her dreams shatter to pieces like a crystal wine glass slips away. A dagger gets plunged into her chest and blood trickles down the once white dress and her veil gets snatched out of her hair as the neat hair falls down her waist and the once happy bride's isle becomes her death bed . The bridesmaids that were asked to hold her dress now lift her coffin.
After 10 years she steps out of the same coffin wearing her grey shabby bridal dress and her torn veil. She holds in her hands dead roses and decaying lilies but one flower still seems to be alive , the snowdrop seems to be as white as ever. Her eyes are no longer brown and full of life but blank, her lips no longer remain red but dry and her skin that was once as smooth as her dress is rough. She elegantly floats towards the church where once her happily ever after lied. She holds the same position of the flowers and takes her incomplete walk down the isle but this time with a broken heart.
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thank you so much and yes "the corpse bride" was my inspiration but i swear the rest was my idea
Hello :] I'm Ace and I'm a total sucker for ghost stories so I loved this one. It reminded me a lot of the movie "The Corpse Bride". (Tim Burton is a genius.) Anyway, back to your story.
I loved the descriptions of the bride's dress and flowers before and after the bride died, especially the part about the snowdrop. The only thing is that the "sharp and dramatic turn of event" could be a little more dramatic.
I think this sentence should be split up into two or three sentences. It would help heighten the suspense.
Other than that, this is a really great beginning and I'd love it if you added more. PM me if you do!
Hello pencil! It’s nice to make your acquaintance. *hands a cookie*
First off, I do want to say that Snoink is right. You leave a lot of questions unanswered. I mean, who would want to kill a lovely bride, unless they were the bride’s jealous, older, bitter sister. Or something like that.
And this has plenty of potential to be a really nice story. Just take a little time to go on and add some more detail. The brides name, the brides husband to be. There’s so much you could tell us. And if you plan on taking this story further, please PM me and I’d be happy to give you a review!
~lilymoore
Hey Pencil!
That's awesome! I haven't read a good ghost story in a while, so I'm glad you posted this! Though, you should probably fix the title. You got the word "aisle" right in the story... it's not isle.
Now, the one thing I was wondering is why she gets killed! I mean, my favorite part about the ghost stories is reading about how jealousy goes crazy... was it a jealous lover who was snubbed? Was she a pawn in a political battle? Did she want to die and arrange her death? So I would really like to know why!
Still... awesome ghost story! Write more!
EDIT: Also! I moved this to the General Fiction Short Stories forum... hope you don't mind!