And the Light Fades (chapter 3 part 1)

“Not one for funerals, are you?” A boy's voice rumbles out of the shadows as he looks at my sad and frightened expression. I shake my head. He is sitting on the railing on the side of the front of the church, where the stars end and there is a concrete walkway up to the door.

When I get closer to him, I can tell that he is sixteen or seventeen—about Sophia’s age. I think I’ve seen him before but I can’t decide where.

“I’m Toby Blackship,” the boy says. His name is familiar too. Sophia! Toby is Sophia’s boyfriend. No wonder he’s here.

“I’m Alyce Averyson, Sophia’s cousin,” I tell him. I watch his face as it lights up at the mention of her name.

“Then I guess I don’t have to explain to you who I am,” he says. I shake my head and sit down on the frozen railing beside him. “I’m sorry about your mom,” he says sincerely. I stay quiet. It is really cold out here, an unusual temperature for mid-October. I can’t help but shiver when the wind slices through my dress, freezing the tears on my cheek that haven’t yet dried.

“Are you cold?” Toby asks, I don’t say anything, I hope he thinks I’m not but another spasm shakes my body. “Here,” he says, shaking off his green jacket. I look at him; he is wearing a long sleeved white t-shirt. I can smell him as he drapes the jacket over my shoulders. I shrug and slide my arms into the sleeves. He laughs at the sight of me in my black dress and his big green jacket, if I zipped it up you wouldn’t be able to see the dress that came down to my knees.

“Thanks,” I tell him. I am warm now and don’t even flinch as the wind hits me again. I watch him afraid that he’ll be cold but he’s not. “So why are you here?” I ask, I’m not trying to be rude, but most guys—even if it was their girlfriend’s aunt—wouldn’t hang around outside funerals.

“I wasn’t invited to the funeral,” he says like it’s the best excuse in the world. I give him a look somewhere between shock and confusion. He laughs at me again. “I’m here for you and Sophia, okay,” he says seriously. “I want you both to be okay.” I can’t help but like this guy. I’ve only known him for about three minutes and he’s acting like a brother to me.

I don’t know what to say, so I stay quiet. I watch the trees move and the grass sway in the wind.

“Alyce, are you okay?” he asks, apparently looking blankly off into space is a bad idea. I blink and look at him; his eyes are brown like melted chocolate with flecks of gold swimming in them. This is not a good idea; the idea of it will never be forgotten or forgiven, the wind whispers into my ears. I try to shake it off again but something in those ghostly words rings true. I don’t know how Sophia will act if she knows I’m talking to her boyfriend, or wearing his jacket.

I shrug off his jacket and hand it to him. It takes a moment for him to grab a hold of it, I took him by surprise. He grabs it before it can fall onto the concrete. I stand up and run down the stairs, Sophia’s shoes rubbing blisters on to my heels. I wince and falter when one burst open but I don’t stop until I reach the car.

It is unlocked because Sophia didn’t think to lock it before she dragged me into the church so the door opens easily and I slid in without a problem. The seat is cold without heat circulating in the small space. I pull my hand back when it hits the seat belt buckle that is as cold as icy.

“Alyce!” Toby calls, he is running across the parking lot. When he gets to the car I jump. He bangs his hand against the window. “You’re going to freeze, come back up to the church; it’ll be over in a few minutes.” It. He said it, not the funeral, it. The tears come back. I want it to be over now. I just want everything to be over now.

I reach down between the seat and the door to locate the crank. Thank God Aunt Jessa’s car is so old fashioned; I can roll down the window manually instead of having to turn on the car.

“What?” I ask, my voice is steady but my insides are shaking. I can see the surprise in his eyes when I snap at him. I get quiet and hope he answers me.

“You’re going to freeze,” he tells me, like I don’t know that. He tries hard to be emotionless but I can tell he is concerned.

“I know; I don’t care.” I tell him. His brown eyes are swimming with tears caused by the cold wind.

“So you need to get out of the car,” he orders. “You don’t have to go back into the church but you just need to get out.”

“Wouldn’t I be warmer in the car, out of the wind?” I argue, he looks back at me pleading.

“Here,” he says taking off his jacket and handing it through the window. I reach up to take it from him and drape it across the front of my body.

Something rings inside of the church, music flares through as the open doors. The people who had gathered for the funeral stream out in groups and flow down the steps like a stream. I can see my aunt and uncle’s red heads in the crowd bobbing up and down as they follow Sophia out through the sea. They push through, trying to get away from everyone who insists on trying to comfort them.

I watch out the window, Toby walks away slowly leaving his jacket with me. He disappears behind a car as soon as Sophia gets close enough for me to hear her. He can probably hear her too, but he must be used to it.

“Why did you do that?” she says, her voice is loud because the glass isn’t there to muffle the sound. I look up at her through the window. I stay quiet wrapping Toby’s jacket around me. She’s going to notice I know she is, but I have another small moment of warmth before she gets in the car her voice ice tearing through the material. “I mean what were you thinking? She was your mother for God’s sake.” Was. That word is enough to bring the tears that were frozen in my eyes back. They flow swiftly down my cheeks, leaving a clear crystal line on my red cheeks.

“Do you not think I know that?” I ask, memories of the strange dream I had before the funeral flash angrily in my eyes. Something flashes in Sophia’s eyes too, hurt. I have hurt her, but not as much as she has hurt me. My small remark is nothing compared to what she has made me feel in the last two minutes.

I get quiet, sure that Aunt Jessa or Uncle Collin will come into the car and ask what’s going on. But someone stopped them on their way to the car I can see them talking to a man across the asphalt. I think Sophia is watching them too, she hasn’t said anything to me.

“I loved her too,” she whispers. I look at her, her strawberry hair is windblown from the weather outside and there is a tear falling on her left cheek. My eyes follow it as it dips inward and touches her nose before falling across her lips.

“Not as much as I did,” I tell her sadly I watch as she moves her lip to rid it of the tear. She doesn’t have to say anything I don’t want to know what she would say if she did. The door opens and I hurry to roll up the window.

“Honey, are you okay?” Aunt Jessa asks as she settles down in the passenger’s seat. I nod, unsure if she is talking to me or her own daughter. She strokes the blue bible that she had placed on the seat before getting out earlier. Sophia doesn’t say anything so Aunt Jessa doesn’t ask anymore.