Her presence stole the room,
Heads turned,
Hearts filled with envy,
Eyes burned.
With every step she took,
Life engulfed us,
The atmosphere awakened,
As she chose a glass.
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Canary word: Present
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141,470 Literary Works • 674,492 Reviews
It was good! but a bit too short, I'll say..
It keeps the reader waiting. What happens after she chooses a glass??
We want to know more!
But all in all, I liked it, the language used.
You definitely have potential.
I liked the first paragraph.
So yeah, that pretty much it.
I think you should lengthen it...
Other than that, great job!!
All the best...
Wow, that was really short! I didn't really get it, but I liked the language that you used.
One thing, though:
This seems a little stop-start to read. I think it'd be better to turn the full stop after 'Heads turned' into a comma.
Great poem, though.
Keep writing!