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Arrival

by pandacow


I stood alone with a proverbial and manic look embellished across my face, as the cornucopia of destruction and agony encircled the blood-barren battlefield, I gazed at the army of knights that stood before me with a look of malevolence, their swords of steel drawn, ready to face despair head-on.

“Once vivacious with pure ambition, now stiffened; swathed within the duvet of tainted desire.” I said, the words crusading out of my arrogant mouth, I could no longer contain the mutiny that I had held in for so long within this mortal husk; oh… How long I have awaited for this day… The Day of Judgment… Dies Irae.

“Fascinating rhythmic beats spread throughout with care… silenced. The very essence of existence turned foul. Paralyzed inside its decrepit cage!” My voice permeated with passion so obscure and unutterable that tears began to form in my eyes; the army, clad in silver lavishments, began to roar with ignorant determination, how blind they were… Coming at me, A GOD, with full force!

“How I yearn to hear thy beautiful, joyous, distinctive voice sing its tender song afresh… O’ Symphony of Destruction, I evoke thou upon this sorrowing world! Lay waste to the sinners before thine embrace, and grant the profound mercy of Death!” The grotesque land bloodied with fallen knights erupted before me, glimmering chasms of purple erupted the Earth simultaneously, saturating the armies’ determination with sudden despair, as they became engulfed in the newly born Abyss that I unleashed from the depths of my unnerving desire for destruction, and the army was no more…

I am The End of All Things, the devastator of all that can be, and will be. I am the beginning of the end, as well as the end of the beginning. I am the bringer of balance… The King of A Thousand Names… 


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Sun May 01, 2022 5:40 am
PoetryMisfit wrote a review...



Hi Pandacow.

First off, interesting username - pandas are definitely one of the coolest animals in existence. Okay, onto the review!

I like how you start the story off in the height of the action, no buildup just boom - annihilation. This immediately engaged me and the fast-pace of your writing style kept me hooked to the very end.
Your word choice was very interesting. I felt like I was reading an epic such as the Illiad or Beowolf, especially once I reached the monologue in the fourth paragraph.
I think the word choice does a great job dramatizing the story, portraying this standoff as the monumental event that it surely is.
I agree with @vampricone6783 that your main character possesses similar traits to Thanos in how he considers himself both "The End of All Things" and the "bringer of balance". He wants to bring balance, but what I'm curious to know is how this act of destruction is achieving balance? Is he aligning more with Thanos by forcing population control for the greater good of the civilization or is there another reason afoot?
By calling this event the "Day of Judgment" it gives me the impression that the main character considers himself greater than the tainted men before him (hence the "tainted desire"). Perhaps he seeks to conduct a cleansing for the greater good of purifying the world of man's corruption? Sorry this is just me philosophizing. It's stories with dynamic characters such as this that are so fun to theorize about.
This just goes to show how intriguing your story is and I'm hoping you post more so I can learn how the story further develops.

Also, I do have a few line-edit suggestions you can take as you will:
"I am The End of All Things, the devastator of all that can be, and will be. I am the beginning of the end, as well as the end of the beginning. I am the bringer of balance… The King of A Thousand Names..." (Since you capitalized the first name I would recommend captilazing any names following to maintain consistency).
"I stood alone with a proverbial and manic look embellished across my face, as the cornucopia of destruction and agony encircled the blood-barren battlefield, I gazed at the army of knights that stood before me with a look of malevolence, their swords of steel drawn, ready to face despair head-on." (I enjoy how vivid your descriptions are but this first sentence is bordering on purple prose and I got a little winded reading it all within one sentence. Possibly breaking this up into multiple sentences would help the ideas to flow more concisely or reducing the amount of descriptions used would also do the trick. Sometimes less is more).

Anyways, thank you for sharing, this was indeed a very fun read!

- PoetryMisfit




pandacow says...


Hey, thanks for the review! This really helps me a lot, because I do agree with your statement regarding the first sentence of this story about it being too lengthy, sometimes I get carried away and just kind of keep writing, disregarding the flow entirely- so run on sentences. This story actually started out as a writing assignment my teacher assigned my class, the dialogue (except the "O' symphony' part and so on, was actually written as a prompt by my writing teacher, we were supposed to interpret it into a story of our own; I kind of felt bad not giving him credit, so I had to put that there. Overall, I appreciate your time and feedback, it definitely opened up a lot of ideas for me.



PoetryMisfit says...


You're welcome! I totally get it, I get carried away like that too. Sometimes I need to do that so I don't get so in my head about making each word perfect. How cool though, I love the story you crafted around that dialogue from your writing teacher. It is such an interesting idea!



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Sun May 01, 2022 12:58 am
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vampricone6783 wrote a review...



Hmm..This god character is giving me Thanos vibes from Avengers:Infinity war with the talk of bringing death destruction and balance.That’s just what I got.This also sounds like it could be the beginning of a fantasy novel,something I’d totally read! So nice job! I thought that this was really interesting.I don’t have a favorite part.Well,maybe I do.It’s when the God is describing it’s power.You can feel the emotion from it.I hope you have a good day/night.




pandacow says...


I agree with your insight on this 'God' character resembling Thanos, and after re-reading it, I can see the resemblance between the two characters' philosophies of balance, and about this novel you speak of, I actually wrote this for an assignment for school, but now I feel compelled to continue it, thanks for the review!



vampricone6783 says...


You%u2019re welcome!




Inspiration usually comes during work, rather than before it.
— Madeleine L'Engle, Author