Young Writers Society

This was quite an interesting script, it has quite an interesting concept it's building off of and doing so quite well. This is the first script I've read on this site, and that said it's really good. Also the cliff hanger at the end, while somewhat simple, was quite suspenseful and does make me very curious about the second part and the world you've created.

Hi, Abdu's here for a review.

This script is very meaningful. The transition from sheer comedy to a disguised message to the humanity was very smooth. Your script was very interesting, despite being short.

"Not even "Yes, Ruhama"! Do not say a word.
Pause. OBUV tries not to say anything but breaks down."
This part was the funniest.

"RUHAMA : What do you think of humanity?
OBUV : Can you clarify the question?
RUHAMA : What do you think of humanity?
[Pause.]
OBUV : Can you ... clarify the question even more?
RUHAMA : What do you think about the way humanity manages to live on Earth?!"
I think this part needs some amendment. However, there's nothing wrong with it. Just felt like it can be improved. Such as, you can use "What do you think of the way of humanity?" instead of just repeating the same question twice.

"Are you having a hard time finding an idea for a way you can remove the pain from humanity and improve it in an instant while changing human beings and assimilating heavy and meaningful values in their hearts to an infinite wholeness that will leave you carefree?"
It is better to use two or three shorter questions instead of a long interrogative sentence. In that way, it will be easier to read and understand.

"My help? Sir, I'm not qualified for the job. I don't strongly oppose, but neither think I am suitable for it. If you insist, I will certainly do so, but if not, I do not want to take your place as God. In any case, I should not underestimate myself, it is not healthy, but I should not *get* overestimate myself, because that way I can instantly become an arrogant monster. I would not want this to happen, of course, but if you think I match the expectations for this task - not exactly a task, I would call it, because it does not describe a burden or involve suffering with it - I will definitely do it."
Congrats, you've brought out Obuv's hesitation very nicely in this dialogue. The only problem you have in this part is the word 'get' (marked with *), it looks like an extra word, an unnecessary word, that is. If you remove it, the dialogue will still bear the same meaning.

That's all. Hope my review helps.
Good luck. Keep writing.

Hi, Abdu's here for a review.

This script is very meaningful. The transition from sheer comedy to a disguised message to the humanity was very smooth. Your script was very interesting, despite being short.

"Not even "Yes, Ruhama"! Do not say a word.
Pause. OBUV tries not to say anything but breaks down."
This part was the funniest.

"RUHAMA : What do you think of humanity?
OBUV : Can you clarify the question?
RUHAMA : What do you think of humanity?
[Pause.]
OBUV : Can you ... clarify the question even more?
RUHAMA : What do you think about the way humanity manages to live on Earth?!"
I think this part needs some amendment. However, there's nothing wrong with it. Just felt like it can be improved. Such as, you can use "What do you think of the way of humanity?" instead of just repeating the same question twice.

"Are you having a hard time finding an idea for a way you can remove the pain from humanity and improve it in an instant while changing human beings and assimilating heavy and meaningful values in their hearts to an infinite wholeness that will leave you carefree?"
It is better to use two or three shorter questions instead of a long interrogative sentence. In that way, it will be easier to read and understand.

"My help? Sir, I'm not qualified for the job. I don't strongly oppose, but neither think I am suitable for it. If you insist, I will certainly do so, but if not, I do not want to take your place as God. In any case, I should not underestimate myself, it is not healthy, but I should not *get* overestimate myself, because that way I can instantly become an arrogant monster. I would not want this to happen, of course, but if you think I match the expectations for this task - not exactly a task, I would call it, because it does not describe a burden or involve suffering with it - I will definitely do it."
Congrats, you've brought out Obuv's hesitation very nicely in this dialogue. The only problem you have in this part is the word 'get' (marked with *), it looks like an extra word, an unnecessary word, that is. If you remove it, the dialogue will still bear the same meaning.

That's all. Hope my review helps.
Good luck. Keep writing.

Hi!!!👋🏻

My name is Kathryn. And this is a review.

I really liked your script allot. I wasn't able to finish all of it but that's a good thing. You had allot of detail and it flowed very well. I don't really have any comments because a script is harder to review than a poem and a short story because it is harder to understand because you have to imagine that it's is being acted out. But I've never read a script before and I have to say I really enjoyed it. I hope that you continue to write scripts and more people comment because this script was amazing.

Have a great day.👍🏻❤️

Kathryn or KaPo21❤️