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140,206 Literary Works • 673,042 Reviews
Hello! I read your poem and the reviews, but I have my own impressions printed in the back of my mind.
I could feel pain, a deep search for meaning when no one else can explain it to us. The way you confront the Mother, demanding some kind of explanation. It's like asking her, "Why don't you care?" The mother only listens and keep mute in her throne of superiority.
The inexplicable way he is gone hurt me. I don't know why. I just felt it. It gives a sense of "saudade". This word means "when you miss something so much it hurts".
That is why "(...)we will never be the same." Your emotions can change you too much to ever come back to what you were.
I like when writing does that, when it moves me deep to feelings and thoughts.
BRAVO!
This is such a strong piece just fantastic. First off, I actually love the blaming tone that this poem has. Usually something like this requires some care as to not sound like an immature child that hardly understands the situation. But you completely avoided sounding whiny in my opinion. The "Mother O' Mother" sounds mature and mocking toward hear, as she should already be aware of what she did wrong. Also, props to you for rhyming which can be difficult sometimes. My favorite line was probably "Just a selfish, monotonous, bitter old cow." even though it slightly contradicts my lack of immaturity comment, I laughed at this line. It takes some tenacity to write a poem such as this. Wonderful work!
Wow, thank you. This really was such a relief to read, as if I'm honest I've been very undecided about this. In truth, it is the first poem I've ever properly written! I really wanted to portray resentment and disgust, in an almost sarcastic and mocking way. I'm really glad you liked it. Thanks again, so much! Great feedback.
Hi there, Pony123 here to review.
I have total one word for this piece WOW!!!! I love the "Mother o' Mother" part and the
"How old was he?" line.
One edit:
In the end stanza "reparations" Breaks the flow. Try looking for a different word.
Overall, Good Job, keep writing!
Pony123
Aw gee, thanks so much! Honestly that means a lot to me. Okay, thanks for your feedback!