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Book idea- A Dream of Blood-Soaked Clouds

by occymay


This is a book idea I have had for a while but until yesterday had lost its interest. After looking through it and making quite a few changes I have come up with a proper outline and I'm excited to share. Please let me know what you think but be kind this is a first draft :)  

Summary- 

This book is about an organisation of assassins however not in the conventional sense. These assassins work for the government to take down criminals and traitors. 

Setting- This is based in a world similar to ours but the people are much more self-centred and greedy. The gap between the poor and the rich is massive, half the city is made up of slums and the other half of mansions. War is a huge part of their lives and the assassins are in the thick of it. The government labels other country's diplomats and royalty traitors.It is the assassin's job to take them down. The assassin's base is situated in the heart of the rich district, an ultra-modern skyscraper. 

Main characters (In order of importance)- 

Sunny- 

Personality- Sunny is 15 years old and has ADHD and severe anxiety. She has a very innocent nature as she is protected from the world as much as possible. Her family believes she is incapable of making her own decision like she can't plan her assassinations and she isn't allowed to go on as many as others.  She also has a black cat called Tiga who helps to keep her calm during her missions. 

Appearance- Sunny has curly dark ginger hair that reaches just below her shoulder blades. Her eyes are a bright, innocent green and she has soft facial features though she tends to hide them behind her hair. She shakes a lot because of her anxiety and tends to jump at the slightest sound. 

Silence (His name is going to change, I'm in process of trying to find something suited)- 

Personality- Sil is speech impaired though not physically. He came to the organization guided by government officials still covered in the blood of his family. No one knows what truly happened to him though the other children believe he killed his family. He is the best assassin of their class and many of the other classes. Sunny finds him fascinating and admires him but her anxiety stops her from talking to him.

Appearance- He is 17 years old, slight of build with incredible muscles though he is always covered up, wearing a hood most of the time. He has jet black hair and eyes of the deepest blue. 

Winged Saber- 

Personality- He is Sunny's father and the highest ranking general in the organisation. "Saber" is the title he was given when he joined the seven generals. He now leads them and has taken on the name of "Winged Saber" to refer to his higher status. He can be very strict and harsh but never to Sunny. 

Appearance- He has dark brown hair, cut close to his head. He always wear's a stern expression and has angular features. 

 Luna and Sola- they are Sunny sister and brother. They often fight with each as they have conflicting personalities. Luna is calm and thinks through her decisions whereas Sola is loud and impulsive. However, they are very close and can often be found together. 

Appearance- Luna has long brown hair, almost black and soft, blue eyes. Sola has blond hair and bright blue eyes. 

Plot- This will contain some spoilers, however I haven't completely come up with a full plot. This is just a rough idea and it will probably change quite a lot. 

So my idea for this was that the government is corrupt, stealing money from the poor to fund their lifestyles. This has led to a rebellion within the slums and wars against neighboring countries. The assassins aren't killing criminals but the people who rightly rebel against the government. The assassins have no idea, most of them are pretty clueless to the suffering in the slums, until Sunny overhears top ranking government officials boasting about it. Sunny has many friends in the slums and put two and two together. However, no one believes her apart from Sil who has to calm her down after during a panic attack brought about by her father yelling at her. 

(One of the reviewers talked about having an extra layer to the plot where corruption isn't just going from the government and the rich but also from the poor. I really liked this concept so I'll make it part of the story when I go back to planning. This helps to make the book less black and white.

That's all I have so far but for me that's pretty good :D Thanks for reading. 


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Sat Jan 28, 2017 5:41 pm
Carlito wrote a review...



Hello hello! :D

This sounds like a really interesting story! In the future, I would post book ideas and info on your plot/characters/world/etc over in the Writers Corner. It's free to post there and it's designed for exactly what you're doing here - asking for feedback about the themes/plot/characters/world/synopsis/etc of your story.

But since you're here now, I thought the overall premise was interesting. I like that even though it's a fictional world, it has parallels to real societies. My first thought was Brazil because I happen to know some about their culture and economy. In Brazil, it's a lot like this in many ways - there is rampant poverty and dangerous slums and then there is also incredible wealth and prosperity with virtually no middle class, which obviously causes a lot of problems. I personally love stories that are fiction, but can draw parallels to real world problems. I'm not sure if that was your intention, but I dig it :)

In terms of the plot you outlined:

So my idea for this was that the government is corrupt, stealing money from the poor to fund their lifestyles. This has led to a rebellion within the slums and wars against neighboring countries.

This is so real world. Love it.

The assassins aren't killing criminals but the people who rightly rebel against the government. The assassins have no idea, most of them are pretty clueless to the suffering in the slums,

This also works for me. I like stories that show the "bad guy" in a human way.

until Sunny overhears top ranking government officials boasting about it. Sunny has many friends in the slums and put two and two together.

This is where I scratched my head a bit. If Sunny is working for the government and the government is against the people in the slums, why is she allowed to have friends in the slums? How did they meet if the government people and the slum people are really so separate? And you said before that the assassins are clueless to the suffering in the slums - if she's friends with someone that lives in a slum, how could she be clueless until she hears the government officials?

Some other logistical thoughts I had -
How does Sunny feel about her job as assassin of political dissenters? How does she justify her actions? Is it okay because they're opposing the government and she <3's the government and she doesn't realize how bad things really are for those not in the elite class? Why does suddenly realizing how bad it is in the slums make her realize that what they're doing is wrong or the government isn't all she thinks it is?

In terms of layering the plot, maybe we see what life is like from Sunny's perspective and from the perspective of one of her friends in the slums in sort of a dual POV situation. Maybe there's a love story between Sunny and Sil (I'm a hopeless romantic that's already hoping for this :p). Maybe she gets an assignment to kill someone and befriends them and it messes everything up.

At any rate, I think you've got a good start here and a good idea, and I'd be happy to read this if and when you post it here! :D Let me know if you have any questions or if anything I said was confusing!




occymay says...


Thank you for your review! I glad you liked my idea and thanks for the advice on where to post them next time. To clear up some of your questions, Sunny is very different from the other assassins she lives with. Because of her mental state she views the world differently, she finds it easier to interact with the people from the slums. She thinks that the people from the richer districts judge her because of her lack of social skills. She isn't actually allowed to visit them, so she goes at night. She has to rely on her impulsive nature just to set out at night because of her anxiety. Her feelings about the assassination she has to for fill, she believes what she is doing is right. That is all she thinks about, though she does find it difficult to do.



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Fri Jan 20, 2017 10:47 pm
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davidgma wrote a review...



Its a good concept except for a few things. The idea of rich over poor or wealthy over the laborclass has really been overplayed in the sense that the underclass is always in the right. As an avid reader of dystopia I would love to see somthing with some more shades of grey where some the evil does happen to come from the less fortunate class.

Moving on the names are kinda pretentious and silly for a story with as heavy tones as yours.

The final thing i would like to advise you is that you seem to be forcing a lot of character and plot details that if you know too early kinda messes with the flow of the story.

But honestly its your story and writing is very personal so remember that these are just suggestions.




occymay says...


Thank you for your review! It's currently only on a first draft so it isn't perfect and a lot of the things you mention I wasn't sure about like names.




Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new.
— Henry David Thoreau