Songbirds,
Pretty li'l songbirds.
Why don't you come and sing for me
And tell me your tales.
Oh, songbirds,
You pretty li'l songbirds.
Come and fly to me
And take me away.
'Cause someday,
They gonna set me free.
Release me
From the throes of this world.
Yeah, someday,
I'll escape from here.
Nobody to catch my tears,
No, not anymore.
Songbirds,
'Em pretty li'l songbirds.
Come and sing for me,
Tell me all your tales.
Oh, songbirds,
You pretty li'l songbirds.
Come and fly to me
And take me away.
Once was a believer,
Once was just a dreamer.
Come take my dreams
'N tear them apart.
Once was a believer,
How could I believe them.
Why couldn't I see through their lies,
Break through their guise.
Now those songbirds will take me,
And lift me high.
'Till I touch the sky,
Just wanting to fly.
'Cause there's nobody,
Nobody left behind.
It's my turn to shine,
To break free tonight.
'Em pretty li'l songbirds.
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137,573 Literary Works • 672,048 Reviews
I liked this! It reminded me, in a good way, of some of the old folk songs that slaves wrote/sang during the Civil War.
The dialect was good. However, instead of writing "'em", it would flow better if you wrote "them". It would still give a dialect-y sort of feeling, but would sound a bit better to me.
Overall, it was very good.
you know the song is pretty nice, your feelings can be seen but the thing is the word songbirds is ruining its effect... While writing a song you have to describe only one type of feeling. From what i understood after reading it it felt like you were having a feeling of grief and loneliness and broken trust, that's what i think, if it was something else then pardon me. well putting the word songbirds in it made it sound a little silly and childish. You could have used something more convincing to what you described in the song. Moreover by adding pretty little to it made it more into that direction. So basically you need to try working on one emotion at a time not many together. Try making the words mean the same or at least try to make the sentences go in the direction of the feelings you have while making the song or the feelings you want in the songs. Hope this helped. you know you can be a good song composer if you try a little harder.
Hello, Jaetwee!
I really, really liked this. I wish I could've heard the music 'cause I most certainly felt some beat in my head. I'm hearing some guitar with this for sure, maybe some extra small percussion noise. Though also a piano version would be beautiful!
In fact, there's only one nitpick I really have with this. It sounds like all the "they" and "their" in this song is the songbirds. So the speaker is depending on the songbirds yet they're really upset with them? For instance, right in the beginning:
Sounds like the speaker really wants those songbirds to come help her out. The speaker's probably sitting in this prison, wherever they're stuck, and hears the birds chirping/singing; so the speaker's talking to them! I'm all good with that, and I actually found that concept really awesome. Then I went to the next verse:
So this is what I got after this verse: "You pretty li'l songbirds. Come and fly to me, and take me away 'cause someday they gonna set me free." So the speaker wants the songbirds to save her 'cause someone else is going to set them free. Do you see what I mean? xD The speaker goes from talking to the songbirds, but then it seems like they're talking *about* them instead. A switch of perspective/POV! That's what I mean. *hits self* So I was confused as to who the speaker is angry with, and I don't think it's the songbirds!
One other part is this:
Nooow the speaker wants the songbirds to tear apart their dreams? Or even if that's wrong, why does the speaker want someone to tear apart their dreams? D: Maybe I got the wrong impression and it's a good thing to have your dreams torn apart. It sounds ferocious though. D:
But that's reeeeally it. Seriously! It's not much pickiness. Just some clarification 'cause the lyrics confused me a bit! The song has serious potential though, so do edit and polish it. It's really awesome, and I'm pleased with it! In fact, I'm suddenly reminded I have this little ability: *likes*
Keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!
Lovely Lyrics.
All in all, I'd actually love to know the tune you put the words to. I was tapping my feet to some sort of unknown rythme without knowing the proper tune so maybe add in some chords, or tell us the song you wrote the words to and we'll really be able to get intouch with the meaning of your lyrics.
My nit-pick here is your repetition of 'believe'. It's quite a short verse so your variety of words is quiet important. I suggest you look up a thesauras to help you.
Another thing, I know it's hard but I'd love a bit more depth in your words. It's quite a shallow feeling piece, we havn't got that much to relate to as the tone of the song in general is quite distant. It deosn't seem as though you're expressing yourself thruogh music whihc, I think, is vital. Depth and expression are both important when being a songwriter.
YOU have got something here but it's not filling it's full potential. We need to see it expand and fill up it's mould to get the best out of it. I suggest you edit, flikc thrugh the thesauras and find new words that will help you dig deeper into the lyrics.
Good luck! And if you have any questions pop a note on my wall.
Kagi xoxo
OMG This is so beautiful! You have a lovely lovely LLLLOVELY way of writing! I've been on this site only for a few days, and i know that they are some awesome stuff!!!! Woww!!! xxxx