These past few days
Have gone by so fast.
Just a blink in the eye
Of a lifetime.
As we say goodbye
With one last embrace,
I wonder if
I'll ever see
Your smiling face again.
As we keep going
Down the twisted road of life,
I'm not sure how we'll change.
But I know for sure
That even as the years go by,
You'll still make me smile.
Nothing's for certain,
In this crazy world
We live in,
But the times we shared
Will always be there
For us to look back on,
Laugh about and reflect on.
I won't need my photographs
Or journal entries
To recall what built up to tonight.
All the songs we sang,
All the stories we shared,
And all the places we went,
Are forever branded on my heart.
I'll always remember you
As I see you today.
And even as we move on
I pray that we can
Look back on these moments
And still make each other smile.
I wrote this last week at camp and read it on the last night at the Talent Show. It was the first time I've ever read my work in front of an audience. Some counselors and some girls in the bathroom said it was really good. Please tell me what you guys think.
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140,265 Literary Works • 673,077 Reviews
"Nothing's for certain,
In this crazy world
We live in, "
Someone else commented on this saying that it didn't quite work. They suggested that you take out "we live in" I think it can stay but just put it on the line above with "in this crazy world". It sort of rhymes then (certain, live in) and I think it is clearer. I was a bit confused because I mentally put a period after world and then it didn't make sense putting the next two lines together. So, that is my only qualm. I really like the poem. It reminds me of The Graduation Song by Vitamin C... (hopefully you like her and take that as a complement... otherwise just know that I intended it as a complement at any rate) Very nice.
I really like it. nice job. I'd never have the courage to read my poetry in front of an audiance, so nicely done there. Yeah, those girls in the bathroom knew what they were talking about... and we all know girls in bathrooms don't lie! ... Amazing... ok, i'm done now
Its very so-so, it seemed to general. Theirs nothing unique about it. But the theme of 'You'll still make me smile' was good.
But try to put in something that was special at the camp.
And I don't want to know WHY those girls were in the bathroom but why they could hear you read from there...
I liked the simplicity of it.I thought it was really really good.
It's a nice and simple poem. It didn'g grab me much either, but it was still nice. A bit plain, maybe, and although you tried to express yourself, it didn't really come across as being very emotional.
keep up the good work
I really liked this. I went to camp this summer and I had that very feeling you express in this poem. I read it and it was like it was written for me. It's really goo. Thank you for sharing it!
It showed a lot of feeling. It was simple but I like it. Good job.
This is really nice. Not overly complicated, but not too simple either. There were just a few spelling errors I found and one thing that didn't like.
I think you mean 'We'll'
It's 'photographs'
That's all the spelling stuff and the one line that bothered me was
I love this stanza, but I don't think you need the 'we live in' at the end. It flows fine without it and it makes the stanza sound blocky. It might just be me, but it bugged me.
Other than that, this was great. Good job!
It's really simple and general and left no lasting impression on me at all. I got to the end and had no concrete feelings toward it. i think it woudl help if you added something that was specific to your experience instead of general stuff. It woudl add depth without taking away from the fact that people can relate to the idea expressed.
Why do you all care why the girls were in the bathroom? There's one bathroom for all the girls at camp and we had to get ready for bed. Duh!
Anyway, thanks guys!
Er...yeah...dunno what those girls were doing in the bathroom but okay. I would critique but since you've already used that, I'll refrain.
'Twas awesome. Wish I coulda been there...but I don't really know who you are so that would be a bit awkward.
Some counselors and some girls in the bathroom said it was really good
First of (O_O)
Secondly I aggree with these people in the bathroom... although I don't know why they were there anyway.
I'll always remember you
As I see you today.
And even as we move on
I pray that we can
Look back on these moments
And still make each other smile.
I feel that for a lot of people... and I think that too. Nice Job!!!