Hello there nate15596! I, Kyllorac, will be reviewing you today on this very fine Review Day.

With that said, onto the review!

Now, after having seen a lot of prose works in the past 24 hours that have the same issue, I'm beginning to fear I'm getting a bit repetitive of myself with mentioning this, but formatting your writing is really important since it makes it easier for readers to, well, read it.

Right now, although you have paragraphs, they're all bunched together, and in some places, they become a really intimidating mass of text blocks where paragraphs merge into each other, especially in the case of larger paragraphs.

When posting longer pieces online, it's a good idea to insert a blank paragraph in between paragraphs, since it helps to more clearly separate the different paragraphs from one another. Indented first lines don't work as well on a screen as they do on a printed page, though they're also an option.

Right now though, this piece has neither, and so I strongly encourage you to edit and add one of the two types in. It will make reading this chapter a much less intimidating experience.

In a galaxy far away their lives the most evil being that do things like take whatever they want; kill each other for meaningless things like money and revenge.

n a galaxy far away their lives the most evil being that do things like take whatever they want; kill each other for meaningless things like money and revenge. They don’t work together and have groups of themselves that are more dominant over others. We have decided that they are dangerous, and have to be quarantined. So I got up in my ship and told my pilot, “Head for what they call the Milky Way galaxy.” For you see, this race of immoral being have one name, that name haunts us in our sleep. They are called, humans.

About a few clicks away from their moon, ‘Luna’, was where I was located. It was very chaotic on the ship, people running all over the place. Getting into position… I was on the main bridge, admits all the chaos I stopped and looked at Luna out the window. It is so amazing how such a wonderful place was wasted on a pitiful species… Never the less, I walked towards my office. I stepped inside the room with a huge control panel going from one wall to another. I looked out the big window that takes up the back wall, through it is Earth. I walked towards the big panel and just stood there and after a few moments a call from the panel.
“The power is engage, ready when you give the word sir,” Said the voice from the panel.
I immediately flipped a few switches on the panel and then spoke into the panel,
“I have activated my part, engage when the other stations are ready.” I looked forward.
Then it came, a big red beam going towards Earth. I then watch as it stops half way and starts to grow, going around the planet. When the shield covers it completely I pull the switches again, this time in the opposite direction, the shield is no longer fed by the ship and the shield covers the planet.
The voice says, “Okay, mission complete, and sir Daravitch?” I respond, “Yes?”
It responds, “Nyco is requesting for you to come to Chip world immediately.” I then respond, “Will do, set course.”
I watch as the planet slowly goes away from my reach. I see the big red shield around the big blue planet. “Good riddance!” I yell at the glass. The planet is then gone, we hit top speed and left. Another problem… resolved…

Chapter 1: Jacob
In a room, a room with a lot of science stuff. That is where I was at the time, staring at a glass beaker with a green liquid in it. ‘The Cure’ they call it. It is really a way to get Corith infinite rule. I was so focused on that one beaker, the thing that would change it all, that I didn’t hear him walk in.
“So are you ever going to tell us how you figured it out?” Dorian said. Without turning my eyes from the beaker I responded, “I don’t like telling long stories.”
This is funny because at one time I did, once when I was a kid, all I cared about was public speaking and leadership. Nothing else mattered to me. I even hated science… with a passion. “Well sometimes we are forced to keep moving forward.” He said. He is so keen for someone who makes weapons of mass destruction… for a living and for pleasure. I don’t understand how someone could go to work in a suit every day, destroy things, and kill people. It makes him sound like a hit man. I then turned to Dorian; he wasn’t wearing a suit though. Instead he was wearing blue jeans, a green t-shirt, and a red bandana. I looked at him very seriously and said
“I know you didn’t just come here to ask me about the serum, ask a few stupid questions, give poor advice, and then just leave. So what do you want?” He then smiled but not a full smile; it was more like a, "Jacob don’t quit your day job," kind of smile, or smirk as I would call it.
“I am here to tell you that Corith is summoning us to the arena.” He asserted. I then looked back at the beaker. One container of green liquid will change the world. Amazing… I look back at Dorian,
“Let’s get going then.” I state as I put a pair of black leather gloves on. He nods and reaches under the table and pulls out a glass box with small holes in the sides. I pick up the beaker and place it carefully in the box. We then nod and care the box together carefully outside.
AH IT HURTS! The sun, it is too bright. Maybe I should get out more… Anyhow, there was a limo waiting by the curb. So after a short walk from my laboratory to the curb we make it. By now my eyes have adjusted. The trunk then pops open and we set it in carefully. Dorian then slams it shut. He brushes his hands off and looks at me and says, “You can take your gloves off now.” I look at him, my hands, and then the tire of the limo. “They look cool…” I say. He then giggles a little and comments,” Okay whatever, ready to go.” I respond swiftly, “Yah...” The man standing by one of the doors then nods and opens the door. I walk over, nod to the man in a thanking manor, and get in. While still looking towards the ground I say to Dorian, “Are the others coming?” But I then hear a cough.
I look up and there they are Sasha, CC, and Michael, siting in that order, in front of me. The weird thing is that CC and Sasha are in dresses, Michael and I are in a suit, but Dorian isn’t. I then hear Dorian to my right sit down, close the door, and say, “Yah their coming.” I look to him with a smirk on my face, for sarcasm is known among Dorian. I then turn back to the others, “So how are you guys?” CC then snaps back, “Jacob some of us are girls, you know that right?” Sasha then butts in, “Yah!” I then say, “Whatever… how are you humans doing?” Michael then says, “Wining…” Sasha then butts in again, “Is everything always about war Michael!” Michael then looks over at Sasha smiles and nods. It figures those two are fighting again. Sasha is diplomatic, where Michael is… well… not diplomatic. Sasha is a believer in world peace; Michael is a believer in world domination. That’s just how it is. “Sasha, how can we rule a world through peace?” Michael comments
“You don’t need to rule it.” Sasha defends
“If we don’t then we will lose everything.”
“You are really stubborn for being Coriths puppet, you know that right?”
“Oh so now this is personal?”
“It might as well…”
“Would you two quit it?” I interrupt. Michael then says, “She started the whole thing, you’re talking to the wrong person.” I then scan my eyes back and forth, lean back, open a bottle of wine, pour a glass, and say with the glass in my hand, “I wasn’t talking to only one person Michael.” I then lean back and put my right leg over my left one. The limo we are in is one of Coriths so, from Dorian and I, there is a lot of foot room between us and the others. This creates enough room for my legs to not be in anyone’s way, and I can still be comfortable.
“Since when have you drank wine Jacob?” Dorian says.
I look over and say, “Since I had to play the role of peace maker.”
I then hear, from the front of the limo, a voice call, “We are about to pull into the arena, get ready to exit to the right. We then feel the car stop in its place, nudging us forward just enough for CC to let out a little grunt. I then watch as Sasha reaches to open the door to my left. I want to grab her arm real quick, but it is too late. The sound was that of a car flying down the road going one hundred miles an hour and hitting another car just sitting there. I might be exaggerating, but it was pretty powerful slam. Sasha looks in horror as the glass is all over the floor, and Michaels arm. Michael tried to grab the door before she opened it too but just like me, it was too late.
“AH!” Michael yelps. I then watched as Dorian takes off his bandana and covers Michael’s arm. The other door, the one that we were suppose too open, swung open and the driver, an ambulance driver, and Corith were on the outside. I then hear Corith say, “Already spilt blood ay!” I quietly snarled at Corith. “Come on Michael; let’s go get you patched up.” The Ambulance driver said. We all then exited, and they slowly pulled Michael out. When we hot out I noticed that we were in a parking garage, it is pretty interesting how an ambulance driver happened to be here when this happened… While they put Michael on a stretcher and carried him away, I looked for Sasha. When I found her she was red faced with tears. She was standing by the side of the ambulance in her one sleeved red dress. The expression on her face matched that of her dress red, red, red, and red. I have never thought of Sasha as beautiful, but right now she is very. I walked over and stand close. She looks up, with a few tears running down her cheek. She then lays her head slowly against my chest. I reach my arms around her back and embrace her. Her body is warm to the touch. You know, if I were to crash land on a random planet with anyone, I would want it to be her… or Dorian… mostly her… or Dorian… I watch as her head slowly rises. She peers into my eyes and says,
“I guess my left was his right, huh…” I then smile and retort, “Yah I guess…” She smiles too. I then pull away and we just stare at each other. I wonder what she is thinking right now… Her blue eyes peering into mine, clean blond hair, soft skin, and red lips. I could kiss her.
Then I snap together and look back. They are staring at us. I figure that they think I am making a move or something. The way Dorian stands, arms crossed and what not. Makes me sick! “You’re a good friend Jacob…” He says. I feel embarrassed, in my head of course.
The ambulance then activates its siren and begins to pull away. Due to my closeness to the metal object, the sound hurt. It was like being in by a peaceful river in which the water, flowing perfectly with birds chirping. The smell of fresh pine trees upon your nose… and then WOOOHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Terrible, absolutely terrible sound strikes your ear drum. Penetrating it like a meteor striking the Earth, killing tons of people. Corith then says, “Are you coming Jacob?” I look forward and see that all of them are ready to go, heading for the door… to the arena. Corith and Dorian are carrying the box. That one glass box is the most important glass box ever by now we were at the door. I have a small shoulder rucksack on and of course my black gloves…As we exit the parking structure I heard the screams and chants of people. Millions of people gathered here, to see us. As we share our latest discoveries, weapons, economic systems, war strategies, and peace ideas. Unfortunately for them, Michael will not be here for the war strategies part…It’s a good thing Michael and Corith are buddy-buddy. I guess we all wish we could have schmoozed Corith like Michael did. Oh well…
The arena is a huge open circular configuration. However there are only seats on the space to the West of the Arena, because to the East is a raised platform to which we stand at. That way we can have something going on in the middle of the Arena, and still be in front of everyone. It is a good set-up. Best engineers around built it. So the six of us… correction, five of us go up to the platform. Everyone is cheering and applauding. Corith and Dorian set down the glass box on a table and then Corith stepped up to the microphone and taped it slightly. Everyone quiets down.
“As you all know, when we have these meetings it is because we have something to share with the public and boy do we have something for all of you.” He says with confidence. The crowed then cheers uncontrollably. When everyone calms down, Corith continues, “Well I was going to save the best for last, but forget that. I would like to call up CC to the stand.” There is applause and Corith steps back, CC taking his place. She then says,
“First off I would like to thank everyone that worked to make the truly amazing things you all are going to see today. So I would now like to present my work. It may not be that exciting as the others work, but my best work has already been done. I have created more jobs, decreased inflation, and managed all the new land that is coming in. My latest work I have created is an idea. This idea is one of uniting all the other countries of this world into a simple, yet effective, global economy.” I then see the spark go back in Sasha’s eyes. The aura is back, and she is ready to get to work. I love how she can do that, switch emotions totally around by one sentence. CC continues, “With no further ado I would like to introduce the most special girl I know, Sasha!”
Cheers, extremely loud cheers. I will tell you this Michael, Corith, and Dorian practically took over the world. CC has climbed us out of any economic troubles we have had and I have made numerous cures to numerous diseases, but none of that mounts up to Sasha’s charisma. She has a way with words in which she could get a millionaire to sell their entire estate to good will… true story. Anyways, Sasha stepped up to the stand.
“My fellow Americans, I need to ask you a question. Will we sit here in a major state of war and do nothing? Why not? Because it is stupid! That’s why! We must act against an enemy.”
There are whispers throughout the crowd. No one expected Sasha, the diplomatic expert, to say something like this. The others are pretty shocked too. I would too, but Sasha has been at my place for the past month practicing this with me. So basically I already know that Romeo will kill himself.
She continues, “My fellow peers here have chosen to take care of this threat in the way of nuclear weaponry, guns, swords, and explosives. Why would you want to waste resources on such an easy solution? Now I have to tell you all that I have nothing to report to you, for the attack idea is favored over my idea of annexing them. So until more people start supporting my cause, we are going to have to keep protesting. That’s all I can do, thank you.”
She slowly steps back and pushes a strand of hair back from her face. That is her sign of defeat. After she makes her way next to me Corith steps up. “Well, representing the…” He looks at Sasha, then back at the crowd. “‘Attack’ Idea I would like to say that any new information is confidential. So that it for us, but don’t worry we do have one heck of a show for you all. As you all know Jacob represent the science portion of The Five leaders. So he is our last presenter, but first I have a little intro. As all you all have learned in your history classes, multiple scientists in Ancient China tried to work on a potion to bring eternal life. Well… all of you under the age of twenty five are in luck for we have it.”
He quickly steps back and I take his place. I stare at all the blank faces looks upon myself. They are all wondering in amazement of what is happening. I decide to speak. “What he says it true, I have designed something that replenishes every single part of your body thus giving you eternal life.” If you though that they were loud for Sasha, then you would be amazed at the new sound. Bawls of a million stares besiege me. I am overwhelmed by this. I force myself to continue speaking. “For those of you who are wondering what will happen with the government, well here it is. The five of us; Dorian, CC, Sasha, Michael, and I will control a new branch in the government. There will be the executive branch, the executive branch, the judicial branch, and a forth. We call it ‘The Five Leaders’. For you see, the five leaders will have no control over anything except the president. We would force Corith to step down, but if we did there would chaos again. He has two terms and when he left people revolted. We thought the country was lost. So they offered Corith a permanent position over America. The Five Leaders will make sure that Corith is kept in check.” I look over and wink at Corith, he then does so back.
I continue, “Now back to my discovery. Here is how it works, if you are a man or woman under the age of twenty five with no illnesses of any sort then you qualify. If you just turned twenty six, then you will not be allowed to have the surgery. It is the law. During the surgery, and yes it is a surgery, the serum must be created into a third vein in your body. We must go in and create it around your body, thus it can do its job.” I look over to my right and see green liquid, Correction… deadly green liquid sitting on the table. I then continue, “It may seem creepy, but it is necessary. I would like to irritate what I said earlier, you can only have this procedure if you are under the age of twenty five. Keep in mind, however, that not all of your claims will be accepted. We must do what is better for the greater good. So more restrictions is that you cannot have any current children, including if you are pregnant, and you must have a steady job. If you are unemployed then you will not be accepted. Thank you all for listening and I hope that we can make a better tomorrow with this new.” My voice cracks, “breakthrough in technology.”
I feel a hand on my shoulder; I don’t bother with looking back because I am already distraught over this whole thing. Having humans live forever is not the greatest idea. I step back and Corith takes my place. Something he seems to like. After clearing his throat he speaks
“Well thank you Jacob for all your effort into this project, and thank you to the other five for your work. Now I would have had Michael come up and tell you that we plan to wage war with the last Empire in our way of world domination, but there was an incident. So with no further ado I would like to present our last performance, bring them out!” I look around confused, until I see it.
Four groups of two people shackled come out. I look upon Corith thinking the worst. When he speaks, my assumptions came true. He spoke, “Before you are two leaders from each of our, old, enemies. We have conquered and taken them. They will now be released and fight to the death. The last one alive will have the honor of living in a dungeon until they die. So let it begin.”
My neck tickles, my face sweats, and my nose itches. Worst of all I know that I have to do something. I yell into the microphone, “STOP!” All the eyes that were focused on blood and revenge shift to me. The guards that were going to release the prisoners even halt. I continue, “I use the power of the five leaders to over through this battle.” All of a sudden there is a gasp from the whole audience. I wasn’t kidding when I said we could bounce anything Corith does. I get an evil grin from Corith. In an instant, however, his face changes from distraught to ‘got yah’ for he has a plan. “That is too bad for you, because Michaels not here, thus there are only four votes. So if you four vote to over through my choice, it wouldn’t be fair, would it?” Corith says to me through the microphone with assurance. I then snap, “Then I will forfeit my vote, that way there will be three votes.” The other three look at me, like I am crazy. I have put my whole faith in their hands. I have to have some ethics left for that is the only way this ‘Empire’ will last.
Then, on the screen that had the feed of us talking, there are three black boxes. Each of them has one of the three leader’s names. I am distraught when Dorian strikes red, letting Corith get what he wants. The Sasha’s name changes to green, for she has agreed with my movement. I look towards CC. She is holding her remote carefully for CC doesn’t know which to choose. At first I was wondering why she would hesitate. But then it hit me, Corith could make all her progress halt. For you see there in an issue with Corith, the five of us… work for him. We all work under ‘Corith Industries’ which is a very powerful company that focus on aiding very intelligent people, and when they strike it rich. He charges you 40% of the profit. It sucks. I turn away from CC and look at the screen. Time seems to slow down; my mind accelerates as the black outline of CC’s name turns… red.
I am distraught. These people are going to die, and there is nothing I can do about it. I turn towards the metal door with an exit sign above it. I am going to leave. But right when my hands are about to hit the metal handles on the door, I hear a familiar voice say an unfamiliar phrase, “Stop! Don’t kill them.” Corith yells. He sighs. I am still facing the door. I then hear him continue, “Let the prisoners go, everyone else. Go Home.” I then open the doors into a metal hallway. I get about half way when I hear the voice,
“Jacob what the hell was that!” Without turning around I say, “That was called ethics”
“Oh and your one to know everything huh” He snaps at me
I turn to him and point, yelling “The only reason I don’t know is because You, Dorian, and Michael were too busy with tea parties and dressing in cute pink dresses to see that there are others. You never count Me, CC, or Sasha in everything.”
“It’s CC, Sasha, and I.” He corrects
“What about project Launch! What is it Corith! I think it is time for some answers!”
“Project launch hasn’t been initiated.”
“What are you talking about, I don’t even know what it is let alone if it happened or not, do you think I am stupid?”
“No Jacob you are emotionally crippled. After Emily left you locked yourself in a room until you finished your project.”
There is a pause. He then continues.
“Don’t forget what I did for you. Thanks to me you don’t have to worry about her at all.”
“I thank you for that.” I say calmly, “But you have to remember that those deaths are not in your favor.”
“Who are you to decide that Jacob.”
“A human…”
I walk away. Corith doesn't protest. They may have gotten my ‘project’ but I will make sure that The Five leaders are in check always.

This was very imaginative and I enjoyed the first paragraph. You had me hooked from the first sentence. Your names were imaginative and the title drew me in.
However you are lacking in paragraphs and paragraphs are very important. They are mainly important because people often don't like to read a huge block of text and without paragraphs that is what you're work will become.
However you're writing is imaginative so keep up the good work!