3 pounds of grey matter control you
take the drink?
why not|why not|why not
the explosion of bitter hops on your tongue
a harsh burn of alcohol in your throat
that sweet warmth that spreads through your body
take the drink?
why not|why not|why not
shattering glass and crunching aluminum
the flash of red and blue sirens
clinks of steel and bruises on your wrist
a 9-year-old's sobs
don't take the drink|don't take the drink|don't take the drink
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
This poem was so powerful. The Emotions were so strong and apparent. Though I do not relate directly to drink, this did strike pretty close to home and helped the poem impact me even more.
I really love the structure of the poem, it's so precise and controlled and I think it's implying that you are in control and it's up to you whether you take the drink, yet the somewhat lack of punctuation and the enjambment make it seem as though this impulse to drink is also in control.
The imagery was so 'disturbing' in a way, and honestly, I can't think of any criticisms!
REVISED:
3 pounds of grey matter control you
take the drink? don't take the drink?
insane? sane?
drink the poison?
why not|why not|why not
the explosion of bitter hops on your tongue
a harsh burn of alcohol in your throat
that sweet warmth that spreads through your body
poison the mind?
why not|why not|why not
shattering glass and crunching aluminum
the flash of red and blue sirens
clinks of steel and bruises on your wrist
a 9-year-old's sobs
don't take the drink|don't take the drink|don't take the drink
Hi!
I just... wow. This is breath-taking. Simply powerful. You were straight to the point and I FELT it when you got there.
"a 9-year-old's sobs" was the most wrenching line in the whole poem. It was then that my mental image was complete. There is a lesson in these stanzas and you delivered it perfectly.
I can't wait to read more of your art.
-M
Holy cow thanks dude %uD83D%uDE0A%uD83D%uDE0A