DRINK
DRANK
DRUNK
one sip and your inhibitions lower just like your jeans.
one sip and the whispers of doubt turn in to the song of slithering sloppy mating.
the person you said "hi" to in passing becomes all you can think about.
you want them.
no you NEED them.
their skin pressed against yours.
their tongue leaving sticky hot trails of drunken desire.
in the moment this is what you desire most in life.
DRUNK
DRANK
DRINK
slivers of sunlight set off the pounding of drums in you head.
head spinning, stomach churning, you wonder where you are.
silently you gather your belonging, slipping out in to the quiet daybreak.
not until you get home is it you realize your have left you dignity.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey! I am here to review your work!!
I like what you did with the tenses of drink. Cool. One bit confuses me, and may confuse others? "The person said "hi" to in passing becomes all you can think about". That confuses me? Maybe.. I don't know.
Your imagery is perfect. Everything good
Overall, I loved this poem. Maybe some people can relate? But I can't, but it's good if people can relate in poetry, because they become more interested. Nice poem, keep up the good work!
Keep writing!
-Ronan
I miss the "you" in that sentence. I have since fixed it.
Thanks for the review.It means a lot!
Hello there, MemoryHunter here to review your poem!
First of all, I like what you did with the different tenses of drink and its past participle drunk. It already shows a whole lot of story with it. I like how you didn't undergo proper capitalization at all (because it gives off an effect and is a common style in poetry).
There's one thing though that I had trouble understanding. It may be because I am stupid at times, but this sentence made no sense in my mind.
I'm getting an idea here but it is still confusing. Though I think I know what it means.
Okay, moving on. Your imagery is on point, everything is awesome, you have clearly depicted the great drunken hookup as you said in your sort of synopsis. Although I am too young to experience this incident, I felt like I understood the concept. That's an incredible feat because you have made me witness a drunken hookup when I haven't yet! (It's not an insult, but a compliment. Your writing is amazing)
Though I feel like the word 'nay' in this poem is sort of out of place because I think it is meant to be more colloquial. I don't know. It's up to you. I like it even with the nay.
Overall, I liked this. Though I can't relate, which I almost always consider a no-no in poetry, I loved it. Others can probably relate. BUT ANYWAYS, WHETHER I RELATE OR NOT, IT'S STILL GREAT! It kind of reminds me of this song by Panic! At The Disco, my favorite band. Check it out. Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Off Her Clothes is the name, I think.
As always, happy writing~
I missed a "you" in that sentence
I have fixed it!
I didn't want to use "nay" it just came out. I am thinking of changing it to "no you NEED them", which I think will fit better with the whole work.
Also THANK YOU SO MUCH for comparing my work to PANIC. They are one of my favorite bands :0
Hi sorry I liked this but there is this one thing was bothering me. "not until you get home is it you realize you have left you dignity." you is meant to be your in that sentence. Overall good poem though. so sorry! ~JustGlitter
It is supposed to be your. Thank you for the catch. I am not a great proof reader. haha