Ballerina Love
The way that you smile stops my heart for a while and I stutter on what else to say.
I find myself staring at what you are wearing and I wish it was always this way.
I love that your face makes a subtle heart shape and I reach up to tuck back your hair.
I hold you so tight, it's a cold winter night, but you're with me and that's all that I care.
Chorus:
You’re the performer; the world is your stage.
You sail on your dreams like a ship on the waves.
I'll be your mast. I'm here to guide you.
And when you’re submersed, it is I you will run to.
I see the world in your eyes and I'm flying so high when I'm with you.
And when your hand grabs mine it's a matter of time before I'll kiss you.
The way that you dance and your balmy romance is precious and darling to me.
With your quirky outbursts, it’s your love that I thirst. You are whom you want to be.
Chorus:
You’re the performer; the world is your stage.
You sail on your dreams like a ship on the waves.
I'll be your mast. I'm here to guide you.
And when you’re submersed, it is I you will run to.
The way that you stand with your hip and your hand balances out all my flaws.
But your bad reputation and your awful relations have caused all your friends to withdraw.
But I’ll take you in and I’ll be your patron. Soon friendship and love intertwine.
So we lay in the grass as we watch the clouds pass and I just can’t believe you are mine.
Chorus:
You’re the performer; the world is your stage.
You sail on your dreams like a ship on the waves.
I'll be your mast. I'm here to guide you.
And when you’re submersed, it is I you will run to.
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Wow, I like this alot. I opened it to read it because the title drew me in (I took dance classes for 9 years). I was truly impressed by your eloquent words.
I love this! Your analogy fits so perfectly. The only suggestion I have is to make the song longer, or to break up your preceeding lines so that the chorus is sung atleast twice. Great job and keep it up!
Wow! This was really good. Your rhyming was flawless. My only suggestion is that you put the chorus in more than one place, so it's not just at the end. Just one thing:
You say earlier that it's a cold winter night, so this line's kinda contradicting that.
Overall, great job! This was excellent.
--Dreamy
It's not extremely slow, but it is slow. And, yes thank you for the comment. I always thought that sounded a little messy, so I changed it. And yes, I am finished with it.
I think this is quite well written. I have one thing that I didn't think made much sense though. When you said "I hold you so tight, on this cold winter night but you're with me and that's all that I care." It would make more sense if you removed the "but" or unstead you said something like "It's so cold on this winter night, but you're with me and that's all that I care." Do you see what I mean? It's kinda like saying "It's such a beautiful day, but I don't care because you're with me." The "but" only makes sense if there's something negative first.
I would also like the know what this song sounds like. To me it sounds like a slow song but is it? And is this not finished or are you just trying to be unique?
Ok I'll stop talking now and just close with good job ;D
Thank you! I'm glad to know you liked it!
Hey I'm Leyah
So, i have read many piece's of lyrics and songs on this site, and i must say. Right now, as of a 5:47am in Bucharest...i think that would be 9:47pm in central time...i do not know. BUT my point is, i loved it. It flowed right off the tongue almost everymoment. I was intrigued, and stayed into it i never got bored or skimmed a lined, it was good. But i dont want to get your head to big as my sister says. norocul s-ar alerga afară bad luck so i will say something that ((as the audience)) did not enjoy But i'll take you in and be your partron it wasnt bad and it still rolled off the tongue but the rhythm didnt match
Thank you. Mulţumesc
Thanks for the comments!
The last three lines I suppose can be taken in different ways. Sometimes I leave it up to the readers to interpret it how they want. In this case, I wasn't necessarily saying that I was to turn HER good, or she turn me bad. It was more like I accept her, and though she has no one else to run to, I'll always be there. And as for the chorus, I usually just write the chorus at the end, but that's not exactly the map of the song. The chorus comes in every four lines and then I would end with it.
Thanks again though for everything! I will take all you have said into consideration. I really appreciate those who have the time to read my stuff and give me feedback. You're awesome!
I like everything but the three last lines before the chorus. Not that they are badly written if not what they said you know is hard to understand if you are telling you are going to be become as he is (bad) or if you are going to make him good . That is my way of thinking maybe others have a different thought of what those lines talk about. But in the rest I think you have good lyrics and maybe making it longer would help becaise the chorus is not a closing.