The Future

I just read this poem, and it's just brilliant. You put the words together really really well. You also use bigger words than usual. The funny thing about poetry is that sometimes it can be difficult to put the right words together. You, however, did the right thing. My most favorite lines are; "Independence will be just an abstract philosophy." and your closing sentence; "This is how the world will end." I'm not really sure how long you've been on here, but all in all you should definitely keep writing.

I really enjoyed the imagery. You could maybe use some more synonyms though. Also, maybe work on a better flow and transition of things. Otherwise, I really enjoyed it! It creates a fascinating image in my mind.

I like the idea of this poem. Your delivery, however, could be different in my opinion. I think instead of centering the lines they should all be left aligned. The eyes is trained to read from left to right but I found myself searching for the beginning of each line which takes away from the flow of the poem. You're word choice is very mature for that of a sixteen-year-old; however, make sure the language is understandable for your selected audience. The grammar and punctuation in this piece are lacking, but I'm sure you've noticed and or heard that a million times already.

This is just my quick little review. I like what you've done here. Keep up the good work.

It is good!
There are a few grammatical errors (Sorry I am sure you heard this already)
I really love the fact that you didn't make it rhyme
So many people think poetry has to rhyme to be poetry
I am glad that you are someone who adds to people who really understand poetry
I think your word choice is fantastic
I also love how you end it so dramatically c:
Sorry, I didn't mean to post that as a reply!

Your title of "Dramatic", fits this piece very well. It is beautiful and has a certain flare I like. It is extremely dramatic, and that is one of my favorite part about it. Some people find it hard to write dramatically, but I don't see even an ounce of that in this piece.

I am not a poet, so I won't go into the the more poetry mechanics and stuff. So instead I will say some grammatical stuff. As Thewriter13 said, there are some spelling errors in some of this. But in your reply to her review it says that you are writing on a tablet, so that's a pretty good excuse for spelling mistakes (I myself have typed on a tablet before).

I can also mention some of my feelings about this poem. As I mentioned a lot above, I love the dramatic flare to this, but it could use some mellowing. Instead of mentioning all of the stuff that has gone wrong, I would also throw in one or two little things about what are the same. I hope that makes sense...

Overall this is a beautiful masterpiece and I would like to say, welcome to YWS! Keep on writing and make sure to do a lot of reviews so as to get points. oNce you get points you can donate the points to anybody, and they will must likely donate back. Same goes for giving a gift. I hope you enjoy YWS and I hope to here more poems from you!

You really incorporated a lot of emotions into this one piece. Lot of typos however:
"ne" should be "be"
"thr" should be "the"
hince should be hence
Also since you're experienced with words perhaps you could come up with a better more descriptive word than "bad"
But I really appreciate how you used descriptions to explain how the world just may end. Gives a lot to think about in what our world is doing today
Just work on comma placement and typos
You're a really good poet
Keep writing!